


In Your Absence

by AudacityOfHuge



Series: Post-Series R&I [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Crime, Eventual Romance, F/F, Humor, Long-Distance Relationship, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, quantico
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-06-24 12:46:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 64,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19723954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudacityOfHuge/pseuds/AudacityOfHuge
Summary: This story picks up where the series left off. After returning from Paris, Jane moves to Virginia and Maura goes back to her job as the Chief Medical Examiner. Both women struggle with how to live their lives separately while still maintaining the friendship they value so deeply. Slow burn Rizzles.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And we're back!
> 
> This is another story idea I've kind of had kicking around for a while. I haven't written that far ahead on this one, so I can't promise the updates will be as frequent as they have been in the past. But I do have the whole thing plotted out pretty thoroughly, so I got that going for me. Which is nice.
> 
> My thing with this story is that I kind of feel like Maura got the short end of the stick in the last season. The idea for this fic popped in to my head the minute I saw the scene where she films her part of the video with Kent, and then afterwards she smiles and says, "I'm really sad." That just about killed me. And then later we see her look at the morgue and cry and shut the lights. Like, really you guys? They're gonna do my girl Maura like that? So not fair. I can't help feeling like she deserved a happier ending.
> 
> Anyway. I'll shut up about that. Enjoy the story!

On her first day back at work, there was a strange, unidentified feeling in the pit of Maura’s stomach right from the start.

There were many feelings there, but most of them were easily identifiable. Stress over her impending inevitable busy day was foremost among the common emotions. Though she had every faith in Kent and knew he would be able to run the office of the medical examiner in her absence, there would undoubtedly still be things that would require her attention immediately. And these things, if they were important enough to require the Chief Medical Examiner herself, would undoubtedly be stressful cases in and of themselves. High profile cases with public and resounding implications.

Then there was relief swelling within Maura. Though she’d had a wonderful time in Paris, coming home was comfortable and relaxing. She’d missed her house, her own bed, the clothes she’d left behind, and above all, her bathtub. As soon as she got home from work she ran herself a bubble bath and settled in with a glass of chilled white wine for a soak.

While she reclined in the tub, she let herself acknowledge the deepest of her current feelings: Pain.

She missed Jane.

Exactly one week earlier, Jane had hugged her family and Maura goodbye outside her former townhouse, climbed in to her U-Haul, and driven off towards Quantico, Virginia. Maura’s chest had tightened curiously the farther away the truck got, and she had hugged herself around her stomach and struggled to breathe. That was when the pain had started, and it had been with her ever since. She wasn’t having trouble drawing oxygen in to her lungs any more, not unless she thought too hard about the fact that Jane was gone for good, because then the tightness returned and Maura was left gasping.

As of today, this was officially the longest they’d ever gone without seeing each other. It felt so completely wrong after the month of day-and-night companionship they’d just shared in France. Maura kept waking in the middle of the night, expecting to see Jane’s messy black hair and slender form on the other side of her bed, but instead there was no one, and it left Maura reeling and lonely.

Loneliness wasn’t something she was particularly accustomed to. She was used to being alone, but she’d never been _lonely_ before. That was new.

Her cell phone vibrated and she reached over to pick it up and answer without opening her eyes. “Isles,” she said.

“Rizzoli,” was the husky reply, and Maura smiled.

“It’s backwards. You’re supposed to be first.”

“That’s not true. Sometimes they call you first.”

“They call me first every time now,” replied Maura. “It would be a gross violation of procedure to call a federal agent to a Boston Homicide crime scene before calling the legitimate officers of the BPD.”

“How dare you. _You’re_ a gross violation of procedure,” shot back Jane, feigning offence.

Laughing but otherwise choosing to ignore this, Maura asked, “How was your first day?”

In her apartment in Virginia, Jane lounged back on her couch and put her feet up on her coffee table, taking a swig of her beer. “It went well, I think. They seem like a decent batch of recruits. Lots of young, strapping, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed kids who somehow all managed to make me feel old.”

“No misogynists this time around?”

“I didn’t say that. But no one tried to force me to perform the bend-and-snap, so that’s good.”

Having been tricked by Jane in to watching _Legally Blonde_ some time ago, Maura understood the reference. Jane had somehow managed to talk Maura in to believing that it was a stirring legal drama about a woman falsely imprisoned for a crime she didn’t commit. Maura had been annoyed that Jane had lied, but she had to admit the movie was amusing. “That is promising, but the real question is: Did anyone perform it on you?”

“Nah. Wore the wrong suit, I guess,” quipped Jane. “I did have lunch with Cameron, but he didn’t try to seduce me.”

“Really?” asked Maura curiously, sitting up a little straighter in the tub. “Why not?”

There was a pause, and then Jane said, “I told him I wanted to slow it down. Get to know each other a little better. You know.”

“Why did you tell him that? I thought you liked him.”

“I did. I do. But I’m here in this new city and this new job, and I kind of feel like I want to establish myself in my own right without everyone thinking I got here because Agent Davies did me a favor.”

Maura found this to be an excellent answer. She glowed with pride for Jane as she answered, “I think that’s a very good idea, Jane.”

She heard Jane give a sigh of relief. “You do?”

“I do. Agent Davies might have gotten you the interview, but you got yourself that job.”

Another long pause. “Thanks for saying that,” Jane mumbled quietly. “I was starting to think maybe people woulda been right.”

“Nonsense,” clipped Maura. “You’re a strong, confident woman, and you don’t need no man.”

The sound of Jane snorting with laughter was music to Maura’s ears. She could imagine Jane wiping the bit of beer she’d accidentally spit out away from her lips. “I miss you, Maur,” said Jane, a carefully contained heaviness in her voice.

“I miss you, too,” replied Maura, managing to hide the catch in her throat. The tightness was firmer than ever, and she reached up to wipe a bit of moisture from the corner of her eye.

“What about you?” asked Jane, desperate to steer the conversation away from _feelings_. “How bad did Kent mess up your lab?”

“ _Badly_ ,” corrected Maura automatically.

“Do I need to come back and slap him around a little?” teased Jane.

_Yes, you need to come back,_ thought Maura, and then she scolded herself for thinking it. “The lab is fine, Jane. I was correcting your grammar. And I think he’d probably like it if you slapped him around, anyway.”

“He probably would, the creep.”

“He is very strange,” agreed Maura casually, as though she were confirming a simple scientific fact. “But he did well with the work while I was gone. The closure rate for the last month was only marginally lower than it has been during my tenure at the helm.”

“Any interesting cases come through while we were gallivanting across the pond?”

“Yes, actually…” began Maura, and then she launched in to a description of a case that looked as though it would end up being related to multiple unsolved cold cases from thirty years prior.

Jane closed her eyes as she listened to Maura talk, chiming in occasionally with questions and observations but mostly enjoying what she was hearing. She loved the way Maura put her sentences together. She often unintentionally substituted common words for four-syllable ones simply because that was the way she spoke. It was as if Maura was so smart that she was speaking a different kind of English than everyone else, and Jane found it charming and endearing. A lot of people couldn’t follow it, either because they couldn’t understand or because they didn’t feel like making an effort to do so, but Jane hung on every word with practiced ease. Listening to Maura made Jane feel smarter herself, and it was one of the many reasons she valued Maura’s friendship so strongly.

When Maura had finished, she realized she’d been speaking almost non-stop for over ten minutes. “Am I boring you?” she asked timidly. “It’s so hard to tell without you here to roll your eyes.”

“You’re telling me about a grisly murder, Maur. How could I possibly be bored with that? Were the ribs really spread all the way open?”

“If they were any wider, the victim would have been reminiscent of a pancake,” said Maura.

“Gnarly.” Jane sighed longingly. “I wish I could be there to see it.”

_You could be here to see it if you wanted to,_ thought Maura.

At that moment, she understood the feeling that had been eluding her all day. It was anger.

When she finally hung up with Jane and got out of the tub, she was angry that her fingers were all pruney. Why couldn’t Jane have called when she was out? When she woke in the middle of the night to her empty bed, she was angry that Jane had been such an easy person to sleep beside. When she got up and made coffee in the morning, she was angry that Jane wasn’t there to finish the second cup she’d accidently brewed due to force of habit. At work she was angry that Jane wasn’t there to push the elevator button for her. Then she was angry that Jane didn’t stop by her office to chat or eat lunch. She was angry that she had to hand her lab results to Frankie instead of Jane. She was angry that she had to drive home and have dinner alone. She was angry that there were four unopened beers in her fridge, and she was angry that there were strands of long black hair in the drain of the shower in her guest room.

She was angry that Jane had abandoned her.

A few days later Maura was in the Division One café, putting soy milk and stevia in her coffee and thinking about how it had been Jane’s turn to pay when she left. Someone behind her said her name, and she turned to find Nina smiling at her. “I feel like I haven’t seen you at all since you got back. How are you?” Nina asked kindly.

“I miss Jane,” blurted Maura without thinking, and then she snapped her mouth shut and blushed furiously. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Nina was completely taken aback. Unsure what to say, she gestured at an empty table nearby. “Do you have time to sit for a minute?”

Since she did have a minute, Maura answered “Yes” truthfully, even though she wasn’t entirely sure whether or not she really felt like sitting. Not after what she’d just said. But they sat at a table in the corner and sipped their coffee together.

“Frankie misses her, too,” Nina said. “He tries to be all macho and hide it, but I can tell. He’s always staring at her desk.”

Unable to resist, Maura continued to speak uncomfortable truths. “It’s not the same. Frankie has other people in his life. He’s got you, and Angela, and the rest of the department. I, on the other hand, have no one.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Maura? You have all of us, too!”

Shifting in her seat, Maura looked away from Nina and watched people come and go from the precinct. “I’m saying this all wrong. What I mean is… Jane was— _is_ —a huge part of my life. And being here without her… Everything feels hollow.”

Nina’s jaw dropped. She’d never heard Maura open up this way before, and it terrified her. The only reason this could possibly be happening was because Maura was at the end of her proverbial rope. Hesitantly, she reached out and placed a gentle hand on Maura’s, hoping she wasn’t crossing a line. “Hey,” she said softly. “It’s not like she’s dead, right? She’s just in Virginia. I’m sure you guys will stay friends.”

“I can’t believe she left,” choked out Maura. “I can’t believe she just… _left_.” She felt tears prickling her eyes and stood abruptly from the table. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking like this. I’ll let you get back to work.” And she gathered her things and left so quickly that Nina couldn’t be sure that Maura had even heard her placations.

_It isn’t fair_ , thought Maura as she stood in the doorway between her office and the morgue, looking out at all the pristine, shiny steel. Jane had left Boston for the job opportunity of a lifetime, the thrill of a new challenge, and the possibility of a romance that could last. And what did Maura get? She got to return to her same old life, the same job, the same house, the same routine. Except now she was alone. Now her world was in black-and-white, because Jane had taken all the color with her.

When she got home she opened a bottle of wine and sat on her sofa, the same end she always sat on when she and Jane would sit here and talk late in to the night. She sipped from her glass without tasting it, feeling the warmth of the alcohol like a soothing balm in her soul, thinking about Jane and about all she had lost. She’d lost laughter, and light, and the best part of every day. What did she even have left?

When Angela opened the back door quietly, Maura didn’t notice. She simply continued to sit there with her legs folded against her, her hand curled over her mouth, her eyes distant and distracted. “Maura?” Angela asked, and Maura finally looked up.

“Oh, hello Angela,” said Maura, quickly reaching up to wipe away her tears. “How are you?”

Instead of answering, Angela sat down next to Maura on the sofa and took her hand. Then she stared hard at Maura, almost accusatorily.

Sighing, Maura said: “Nina called you.”

“You are not alone, Maura,” said Angela firmly. “You got that?”

Maura could feel brutal honestly bubbling within her again, clawing at her throat to get out. “I know I should be happy for her. I know I should want her to have the best life possible. I know it makes me a terrible friend to feel this way. But… It’s _Jane_. How am I supposed to survive without _Jane_?”

The floodgates broke, and suddenly she was gathered in Angela’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. All the things she’d been trying not to think about ever since Jane had told her she was taking the job in Virginia came roaring to the surface, and Maura felt her heart, so strained for so long, finally shatter in her chest. She was crying so hard that she was drawing shuddering breaths, her shoulders shaking, her skin hot and her head aching. When Angela began speaking, she could barely hear it.

“I know, Maura, sweetie, I know. Don’t worry, my darling. Everything will be okay.”

They were meaningless words. Maura couldn’t see how it would possibly be okay. But she let herself sink in to Angela’s comfort, because _that_ was helpful. It helped Maura to remember that Nina was right.

Jane might be gone, but that didn’t mean that Maura was alone.

In the morning Maura accidentally made two cups of coffee again, and the hollowness in her chest sent an ache through her. But she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and forced herself to remember how it had felt to have Angela consoling her.

At work she heard the sound of feminine boots clomping in the hallway and for a moment her heart leapt, but then she saw it was one of the female detectives in the drug unit. To comfort herself, she personally delivered some lab results to Frankie upstairs, explaining them to him just as she would have done for Jane. Afterwards he smiled, thanked her, and invited her to dinner at his apartment with Nina, and Maura accepted.

When lunch came, Kent popped his head in to the morgue and asked if she wanted to grab a bite, and she accepted that, too. They went to the Dirty Robber and ate at the bar, where Korsak spent almost the entire time leaning on the counter swapping stories with Kent that had Maura laughing despite the ever-present ache.

After dinner she talked to Jane on the phone, and the ache went away for a while as they lapsed in to easy conversation, the type of conversation Maura had never been able to have with anyone else. And afterwards, when the ache returned full-force, it was missing that edge of anger that had been present before.

She could do this. This was manageable.

And that was how she lived her life. Not one day at a time, but one _moment_ at a time. She focused every minute on how to get by without concentrating too hard on the fact that she couldn’t see color any more. She didn’t think about how she couldn’t taste her food any more. She didn’t dwell on how she didn’t feel that victorious rush when a case was closed. She took melatonin to keep from waking in the night and remembering the way Jane looked bathed in Parisian morning sunlight, the light dappling her sleepy smile and her hair that was messy and ruffled from her pillow.

No, Maura didn’t think about any of those things. She simply moved through her life, allowing herself to lean on the people she loved in Boston. And all the while she was pathetically grateful for what little she still had of Jane Rizzoli.

And though her internal monologue was a constant stream of _I miss Jane I miss Jane I miss Jane I miss Jane_ , she taught herself to never say it out loud again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've decided I'm going to update this fic Mondays and Fridays. I'm chugging away steadily on it, so hopefully that'll be a regular thing until the end.
> 
> Party on, Rizzles fans!

"Okay, you ready?" Jane asked, hoisting her laptop up in to her arms. "Can you see?"

"I can see," confirmed Maura, peering closely at her own laptop screen. She was on a video call with Jane, and she was about to be given a tour of Jane's new apartment. "Let's go."

First Jane showed her the living room. "Here's where I drink all my beer," she explained, turning the laptop to the couch. It was the couch Maura had bought for her just before her apartment had been burned down. Jane had finally admitted to Maura that it was by far the nicest and most comfortable item of furniture she'd ever owned. "Coincidentally that's also where I eat all my meals."

"Jane, please don't tell me you're eating on my couch."

"It's _my_ couch, Maura. You gave up custody, so don't tell me how to raise it."

"Have your cleaning methods improved at least?"

Jane rolled her eyes even though the screen was turned away and Maura wouldn't see it. "Yes, I clean it properly. Happy?"

"Very," replied Maura. "Now show me something I didn't buy for you."

The tour continued. "TV, bookshelf, armchair," Jane listed as she moved through the apartment. "As you can see, my decorating style is highly sophisticated. It follows the _Fit As Much Crap As You Can_ method of interior design."

"It's very chic," laughed Maura. "I especially like the way there's not enough space between the armchair and the couch to extend the leg rest. It speaks of a woman who has no room in her life for relaxation or compromise."

"Yes, that's exactly what I was going for. Thank you. Just wait until you see the kitchen. There's not enough counter space for the spice rack Ma gave me. It speaks of a woman who has no desire to spice up her life."

Jane wasn't kidding. The kitchen was a simple set of appliances arranged in a line. In fact it could hardly even be called a kitchen. Everything was set up on one wall of the living room. Maura understood why Jane was forced to eat her meals on her couch—there was nowhere to put a table. "That's too depressing for words," commented Maura. "Get me out of here. Show me the bathroom, and please tell me you at least have a tub."

"Nope. Standing room only, baby," said Jane. The bathroom was so small that it seemed to Maura as though she could fit the entire thing inside her own bathtub. "I call this room the Thimble, because it feels kind of like you're peeing in to a thimble."

"Do you have indoor plumbing?" asked Maura innocently.

" _Do I have indoor_ —are you serious, Maur? Of course I have…" Jane trailed off, then turned the laptop to her own face so Maura could see her appreciative smile. "Good one."

"Thank you," replied Maura, pleased with herself. Then she waved her hand in a shooing motion. "Bedroom. Now."

Jane quickly turned the laptop away so Maura wouldn't see her flustered expression. The words rang in her ears, and she took a moment to memorize the way they had sounded so she could think about them later tonight in another context. She cleared her throat and headed in to the bedroom, which was her favorite part of the apartment. It was actually bigger than the living room, but because of its positioning in the apartment she was forced to use this as the bedroom. This was the only place she'd managed to do some actual decorating so far. There were photographs on the various surfaces and some paintings on the wall. "What do you think?" she asked nervously once she'd shown Maura the whole room. She didn't know why she thought it was so important that Maura like this space. Perhaps because it made it easier to fantasize about Maura being here with her if Maura didn't find it intolerable in real life.

"I like it," said Maura honestly. "It's cozy. It's very _you_."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Of course it's a compliment."

Jane carried the laptop back to the living room, set it on the coffee table, and went to retrieve a beer from the fridge. On the screen she could see Maura getting up to refill her glass of wine. She felt warmth in her chest at the familiarity of the moment, and it was almost like the two of them were actually together again. When they settled on their respective couches, they were each on their usual sides.

"I know it's not very big, but it's close enough to the academy that I don't need to walk there. And there's this great pizza place around the corner."

"How is the neighborhood?" asked Maura, tucking her feet up underneath her and sipping her wine, content to talk to Jane for as long as she wanted.

"It's great," said Jane. "A little noisy sometimes because of all the students in the area, but Boston was noisier. In fact I actually miss that about my old apartment, the one Alice burned down. Even the place in Beacon Hill was too quiet for me."

"I can make some siren sounds if you like. It might make you feel more at home."

Amused, Jane said, "Yes please."

Maura launched in a terrible imitation of an ambulance siren, but she had to stop when Jane burst in to laughter, and then they were both laughing for a long time. Eventually Jane took her phone out of her pocket and held it up towards the screen. "Please do that again. I want to make it my ringtone."

"Stop," laughed Maura. "I was trying to help you."

"Oh, it helped alright."

Shaking her head, Maura picked up her wine glass and took a dainty sip. Keen to get Jane's mind off asking her to make the noise again, she asked, "How are your classes going?"

A genuine smile crossed Jane's lips. Teaching at the academy was by far the best thing about being in Quantico. "They're going great. I'm really enjoying this teaching gig, not gonna lie. It's fun to get the students all engaged. I had them doing mock interrogations today. One kid got another kid to admit he writes Star Trek fanfiction. It was great."

"The fanfiction?"

Rolling her eyes, Jane said, "No, not the damn fan…" she trailed off again, and then gave Maura another one of those smiles. Maura grinned back at her. "You're on fire tonight, my friend."

"Thank you. Although I suppose I should be insulted that you think I'm so dense."

"Yeah well, maybe we just don't know each other as well as we used to," said Jane without thinking, and then she froze with horror. It was one of the worst feelings she'd ever felt, worse than having Alice Sands burn down her apartment. _Are we drifting apart already?_ She forced herself to look at the computer screen and her heart sank when she saw that Maura was covering her eyes with a hand on her forehead, looking down at her wineglass and taking measured breaths. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, Maura."

"I don't want that to happen," said Maura quietly. "It can't."

"It won't. I won't let it."

"Promise me, Jane. You have to promise me we'll always be this close."

"I promise," replied Jane without hesitation. It was the easiest promise she'd ever made.

Because the truth was that Jane wanted to be much closer.

Jane Rizzoli had fallen in love with Maura Isles during Korsak's wedding reception. Or at least, that's when she'd realized what it was. She'd probably been in love with Maura for a lot longer, but careful examination of her memories had yielded no conclusive answers about when her feelings for Maura had changed from platonic friendship to romantic love. In fact she wasn't even sure her feelings ever _had_ changed. If she were being honest with herself, she thought she'd probably always felt this way about Maura, but she'd been too thick and stubborn to realize it.

After she'd hung up with Maura and climbed in to bed, Jane stared up at the ceiling and remembered again the moment when she'd understood with blinding, unwavering clarity that she was madly in love with Maura.

Everyone was dancing but Jane. She was sitting up on the stage, more than a little drunk and wondering if she would ever find anyone she could even remotely picture wanting to be with for the rest of her life. Her boyfriends had always been controlling of her, intimidated by her, or incompatible with her. The only person she'd ever felt truly able to connect with was Maura.

The crowd parted and there was Maura, goofy and sexy as always, and Jane had two highly disturbing realizations at once. The first was that Maura clearly wanted Jane to dance with her. And the second was that Jane wanted to marry her.

Well, maybe not marry, but Jane could definitely picture herself spending the rest of her life with Maura, and typically if one wanted to do that then marriage had to be on the table.

Terrified, dumbstruck, Jane had allowed herself to be led on to the floor for all of ten seconds before she ducked away in to the bathroom, where she sat down in a stall and had a moment which she would later use the internet to identify as _gay panic_. She tried to tell herself that she was just drunk, that she hadn't had sex in too long, that she was vulnerable after seeing Korsak and Kiki sharing something so sweet and romantic. It would pass, she told herself. It was temporary.

But the night wore on, and Jane sobered up, and then the shooting happened and Maura got hurt, and the next few months were a blur of loving Maura and being worried sick about Maura and wanting Maura and wanting to take care of Maura. It was Maura in her mind all the time, and she did everything she could to distract herself, including Agent Cameron Davies, and including taking a job she wasn't sure about just so she could run 343 nautical miles away from Maura Isles.

It was the only way to preserve what they had. If she'd stayed she would have kissed Maura eventually, and not even Jane was that stupid. Maura was the most heterosexual person Jane knew. The woman practically salivated over every attractive guy she saw. And though Jane was certain Maura would understand and be very kind and gracious if Jane were to confess her feelings, it would only cause Maura pain. She wouldn't be capable of feeling the same way. She'd tell Jane she loved her, but not that way. Then she would hurt because Jane would hurt, and that would only make Jane hurt more, and then Maura would hurt more, and the whole thing would be ridiculous and painful and unnecessary.

But Jane wanted to tell her so bad. She was a woman of action, and she could only hold herself back so long. The only thing Jane could think to do was run.

Before that, though, Jane wanted one more thing. Jane wanted Paris.

God, Paris. She'd known the two of them would have fun, but she'd never expected such intimacy could exist between two human beings. They were together the whole time. They woke together, ate together, explored together, and slept together. They _lived_ together. And when they'd returned to Boston and Jane had dropped Maura off at her house, she'd felt the moment of separation as though she was being physically torn in half. But that had been a dry run for the sheer agony of driving away from Boston in her U-Haul. She hadn't realized it was possible for a person to sob for seven and a half hours.

In Quantico, Jane was living half a life because she was only half a person. Sure, she could get up and go to her classroom and enjoy teaching. But aside from that she was a meaningless excuse for a human being until those precious minutes when she could talk to Maura again, when she could feel connected to the only part of herself that was really worth a damn thing. It probably wasn't a healthy way to feel, but she couldn't help it. She'd always scoffed at women who placed all their value on their partners, but now she understood—it wasn't that she didn't think she had her own value, but she didn't particularly have any desire to spread that value if Maura wasn't by her side while she did it.

So she imparted knowledge in to the new generation of FBI agents, but she did it without thinking about the greater good of it. It was fun and entertaining and a decent distraction, but it was hard to see the meaning when her own future looked so dark and lonely.

And as far as her personal life went, she found it difficult to drum up enthusiasm to make new friends. She'd met up with Cameron twice since getting here and she had a nice enough time, but by this point he'd gotten the idea that they would never be more than friends and had somewhat lost interest in her. He didn't reschedule for her anymore, and she didn't ask him to. Some of the other teachers were nice enough, but none of them made her laugh the way Maura did, and when she was with them they mostly talked about their careers.

It was all very dull, and Jane had a lot of free time to sit around thinking about how pathetic she was and how much she missed Maura.

Jane closed her eyes and remembered her conversation with Maura. " _Bedroom. Now._ " The words invoked fire in Jane's body, and she guiltily slid her hand beneath the elastic waistband of her panties.

Afterwards she curled up in to a ball and cried herself to sleep.

In the morning she waited impatiently for her coffee brewer to finish her coffee, tapping her travel mug on the counter. There was barely enough space in her kitchenette for both her brewer and her toaster oven, but by God she'd made it work. Once the brew cycle was completed she dumped the coffee in to her mug, grabbed her sling backpack, and bolted out the front door. She was running late for class.

Her students were already milling around by the time she got there, but when she entered they promptly took their seats at the tables arranged in a rectangle in the classroom. Jane was amused by their discipline, and a little disturbed by the fact that they considered _her_ to be some variety of disciplinarian.

"Good morning," she said, dropping her bag on the floor by the podium at the front of the room. "Sorry I'm late. You can blame my lover, Mr. Coffee." A chuckle went through the room and Jane smiled at them. "Today I'd like to start talking about the mannerisms of guilt. In an interrogation it's important to know what to say to someone to get them to admit guilt, but it's just as important to know how someone will act when they are guilty. For this demonstration, I've asked my TA to come and assist. She should be here any minute."

Just then there was a light knock on the door, and a pretty young woman poked her head in to the classroom. "Instructor Rizzoli? Are you ready for me?"

"Perfect timing," said Jane, smiling kindly and waving her in. She put her hand on the woman's shoulder. "Class, this is Claire Marks. She's in her last year at the academy. Please make her feel welcome."

A polite round of applause went around the room.

"Claire, if you wouldn't mind taking a seat here, please." Jane gestured to one of the seats at the desk placed in the center of the room.

A shuffle of excitement went through her students, and Jane felt herself relaxing in to her performance. Her students loved to watch her do what she was about to do to Claire, and Jane knew she was good at it. She sat opposite Claire and draped her arm casually over the back of her chair, as though the two of them were doing nothing more than sitting in a café having lunch together.

"So, Claire, why don't you tell me a little bit about your family?"

Claire had absolutely no idea why Jane had called her in to this classroom today. She'd been working closely with Jane ever since she arrived, but she'd never been present during one of Jane's classes before. She had, however, heard rumors that the classes were _excellent_. Apparently, Jane Rizzoli was one of the finest interrogators to ever grace the halls of the FBI academy. So Claire couldn't help being a little nervous. "Um, there's not much to tell, I guess. I'm from Iowa. That's where my parents live."

"What do they do?"

"They're both retired now, but my father was a computer programmer and my mother was a cop. We actually worked the same beat for a while before she retired."

"Oh, so you have a background in law enforcement."

"Yes, I was in the Sioux City Police Department for about five years before coming here."

"What made you decide to leave?"

"I wanted to be an investigator," said Claire. "But I wasn't crazy about the SCPD."

"Why not?"

"Let's just say they don't have very many female detectives," answered Claire wryly.

"Ah," said Jane, nodding with understanding. "Yeah, I had to climb over a few testicles to get to homicide myself."

Claire and the students laughed. "Well, I can't say I have very much interest in climbing or touching testicles in any shape or form."

Jane quirked an eyebrow. If her aim had been getting Claire to out herself in front of the entire classroom, she'd just succeeded. But it wasn't, and she felt a shock of surprise that she quickly concealed. "I'm going to leave that one untouched, much like you and the testicles. Why don't you keep talking about your family instead, huh? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have a little sister."

"What's the age difference?"

"Two years."

"Do you two get along?"

"Absolutely. She's my best friend. We don't get to see each other as often as I'd like, though. She's in New York working in the fashion industry."

"Were you always close?"

"I'd say so, yeah."

"I have two little brothers myself, and I love 'em but _man_ did we get in to some good fights," said Jane. "Did you ever bicker with your sister?"

"Of course. Every sibling does, I think."

"Siblings can be so annoying. I especially hate it when they steal my stuff, don't you?"

"Yeah," laughed Claire. "There are some sweaters I just know I'm never gonna see again."

A predatory smile came over Jane's face. "You hate being stolen from, and yet you stole from me, didn't you, Claire?"

Claire blinked at her in uncomprehending surprise. "What?"

"Do you like tuna fish sandwiches?"

All the random twists and turns in the conversation were confusing the hell out of Claire. "Yeah…" she said slowly.

"And you saw that I was eating one for lunch the other day, didn't you?"

"I mean, that's what you were eating the other day when we ate lunch outside on the picnic table."

"And you thought it looked so good, you decided to steal my lunch right out of the staff fridge on Friday. Is that right?"

"No!" objected Claire loudly. "Why would I steal your lunch, Instructor? I brought leftover fried chicken that I made on Thursday! Fried chicken is way better than a smelly tuna sandwich."

At this, Jane could no longer hold her laughter in check. She burst in to a full, hearty laughter, and soon the rest of the class had joined in. Jane reached across the desk and laid a hand on a bewildered Claire's arm. "I'm so sorry, Claire. I know you didn't steal the sandwich. I think it was Instructor Henderson. I found the zip-lock bag in his trash can."

Laughing with relief, Claire said, "Oh… Yes, he has been known to steal the occasional lunch item."

"And yet you didn't warn me, did you, Claire?" said Jane sharply. "Maybe Henderson had an accomplice."

"Ha ha," said Claire. "Very funny. I'm not falling for that again."

There was more laughter from the class. "Good girl," chuckled Jane. "That about wraps up my demonstration. Thank you very much for your help, Claire. Can we get another round of applause for Claire?" The students clapped. "So, aside from the fact that fried chicken is better than tuna, what did we learn?" Jane stood from the desk and paced back and forth in front of the class. Sensing that they had shifted to the next part of the lecture, the students took out their notepads and pencils to take notes. Jane felt a thrill at the thought that they were hanging on to her every word as though each one was worth remembering.

"Claire walked in here knowing she didn't steal the sandwich. She didn't know that's what I was going to ask her about, though. Sometimes not sharing your destination means you can have a very informative journey getting there.

"What happened when I confronted Claire about the theft? She got offended. She had an emotional reaction. Of course, emotions can be faked, but many suspects can't fake them convincingly. How did I know she wasn't faking it? Her pupils dilated. Her cheeks flushed. She had an involuntary reaction with her hands. She wasn't just alarmed, she was _offended_. That's a good way to tell. A guilty suspect will be so busy trying not to react the wrong way, they may not react at all.

"A liar will usually be stiff. They will be unable to look you in the eye. They won't know what to say, and they might repeat the same thing over and over hoping that it will sound more true or convincing the next time they say it. But it's our job not to be fooled. We have to specifically look for the signs of the liar, of the guilty person. It sounds like an impossible task, but eventually it becomes second nature."

At the end of the class, Jane held Claire up to thank her again and apologize for putting her on the spot. As she did, she noticed that Kyle Purkitt, one of her students, was hanging back as though he wanted to talk to her, so she let Claire go and resumed packing her bag. But he seemed to think better of it and simply filed out of the room. Jane shrugged and left the room, too.

That night she Skyped with Maura again. Maura seemed forlorn and quieter than usual, so Jane asked, "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine," replied Maura unconvincingly. When Jane simply continued to sit there and frown at her, she repeated: "I'm _fine_."

Even if she hadn't gone over the signs earlier that same day, Jane would have recognized the lie.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an apology for leaving Tommy out of my last fic, I've decided to have him play a major role in this one. :)

"Maura!"

Turning just in time, Maura accepted an armful of five-year-old boy and hoisted him up on to her hip with a grunt. "Well hello, handsome! What are you doing here? Where's your daddy?"

Tommy came through the front door carrying Maura's toolbox. "I'm so sorry, Maura. He's got this new thing where he tries to stick his finger in all the electrical sockets. I couldn't leave him behind."

"That's okay," said Maura cheerfully, bobbing up and down and swinging back and forth so that TJ laughed with joy. "You _and_ TJ are always welcome here."

In truth Maura had become more than a little fond of the boy ever since Jane had left. Having him living down the street with Tommy had been one of the few bright spots in her life. She liked the unbridled enthusiasm with which he treated everything. It reminded her so much of Jane that it hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt. Having him around eased the ache of being separated from Jane and instead reminded her of all the reasons she liked Jane so much in the first place.

Setting the toolbox down on the kitchen island, Tommy said, "Thanks Maur. And thanks for the toolbox. You're a lifesaver. Did you know your stuffy professor friend doesn't even have a socket wrench?"

"I did, actually. Jane wanted to fix the toilet before she left, but Paris derailed that plan. She was intending to borrow my toolbox for it, too," said Maura, setting TJ down on the ground. He immediately ran into the living area and threw himself down on the couch.

"Can I watch Power Rangers?" he asked sweetly, standing up on the couch and looking at them over the back of it.

"No," said Tommy firmly.

"Sure," said Maura at the same time. "It's fine, Tommy. I was just about to make dinner. You're welcome to join me."

"Oh, I uh… I don't want to put you out. I promised him McDonald's," said Tommy awkwardly.

"Okay, first of all, it's no trouble. And second of all, you can't put that poison in his body! Do you know those burgers contain no fewer than _sixteen_ different chemicals that I often use at _work_ , on…" she threw a significant look in TJ's direction and hissed, " _dead bodies_?"

Tommy looked aghast. "Are you serious?"

"When have you ever known me to not be serious about chemistry?"

Looking at his son, Tommy said, "What do you say, bud? Want to have dinner with your Aunt Maura?"

"Yeah!" TJ cried excitedly.

"Great!" Maura went around the couch and turned on the television. She located TJ's program on Netflix and then headed back to the kitchen. "Have a seat. I was going to whip up a stir fry."

"That sounds great," said Tommy gratefully. "It's so hard having a kid when you don't know how to cook anything even remotely healthy. I feel bad. I don't want the kid growing up on pizza and frozen peas, but I don't know what else to do."

Removing various vegetables from the fridge, Maura began neatly setting up her cooking area. The first cutting board went all the way on the left and would be for the onion because it was closest to the sink, just in case she needed to rinse her eyes from the fumes. The middle board would be for the greenery, and would be sliced with a larger and sharper knife. Then the last would be for her spicy peppers, which she never liked to mix in until the end of the dish. "I love to cook," she said as she laid out all the spices she would be using and retrieved all the necessary measuring equipment. "Cooking is a lot like chemistry, actually. There's temperature and timing and measurements and combinations and reactions—all the traditional aspects of a chemical experiment."

Snorting, Tommy said, "No wonder I can't do it. I was never any good at science."

"Rest assured, cooking is much easier than chemistry. I could teach you if you like."

"Would you?" asked Tommy, his eyes lighting up. Maura thought he looked very much like his sister at that moment.

"Sure," she replied easily. "It would be my pleasure."

Tommy jumped up from his seat and came around the island. "Where do I start?"

Laughing, Maura pushed him away lightly. "Wash your hands," she demanded, pointing at the sink. "You should always wash your hands first."

She spent some time teaching him about the basics, about what pan she would be using, about the knives, about the vegetables and how to tell if they were ripe, and about the spices. Tommy was a good student and he listened intently to every word, asking questions occasionally. Soon they were standing side-by-side cutting up their ingredients. "If you're such a good cook, how come Jane sucks at it?" Tommy asked, a smirk on his lips.

Shaking her head, Maura chuckled and said, "I must have offered to teach Jane to cook at least a hundred times over the last ten years, but she has no interest. She much prefers to sit there and annoy me and get in the way while I work. She's the same way in the morgue. Although I've never offered to teach Jane how to perform an autopsy."

"Yeah, but she's so smart I bet she picked it up anyway."

Smiling, Maura agreed: "I bet she did. Not that she has any use for it any more. The cooking would have been a lot more helpful."

"This is probably a stupid question since you guys are so tight, but you talked to her recently? I keep meaning to call but I've been so busy with TJ… But in my defense, she ain't called me either."

"I talk to her almost every day. Some nights we miss each other because I get a call, but we're keeping in touch as best as we can."

"How's she doing? She seem happy?"

It was an interesting question. Did Jane seem happy? "I don't know that I can ever get a reliable answer to that question with all this distance between us," she said sadly.

"Why not?" asked Tommy, finishing with the green bell pepper and moving on to the red pepper. "Isn't she your best friend?"

"Yes, and that's exactly why. I don't know how she is in her day-to-day life. She tells me she likes her job, but I don't know if she's happy when she's there because I only see her when she's talking to me, and she's _always_ happy when she's talking to me." The way she said this, Maura might have been reading from an encyclopedia. It was nothing more than a simple statement of fact. "But for what it's worth, she does seem to be having a generally positive experience."

Tommy stared at her in shock, but Maura didn't notice. The last part of what she'd said fell on deaf ears as Tommy processed the casual declaration that had come before it. _Wait, did I miss something here? Are Maura and Jane in a relationship?_

It made sense. They did spend an awful lot of time together. He'd never known two people who were closer friends. But it seemed unlikely because Jane had moved. Why would she move if she was seeing Maura in a romantic way?

Still, though, there was something in the way Maura spoke about Jane…

He wanted to press the topic, but even he had more tact than to ask directly. Instead he let the conversation drift to other subjects, focusing on learning about the nuances of the stir fry. And when they started talking about TJ's progress in pre-school, he saw his opportunity to get some of the information he was looking for.

"He likes his school, but it's hard because all the other kids have two parents. I think he feels sad about Lydia."

Maura gave him a sympathetic look. "He misses her?"

"Yeah, he does." Tommy paused, then watched her out of the corner of his eye as he continued: "Lydia left me for a woman."

There weren't many hints about Maura's internal reaction to this news, but there was a definite stutter in the rhythm of her knife as she sliced some carrots. Regaining her equilibrium, Maura asked, "Really?"

"Yep," confirmed Tommy. "Her name's Danielle. They met at work."

"Did you know that she was interested in women?"

With a laugh, Tommy said, "Not at all. It was a total shock. But… I've been thinking about it, and I get it. It explains a lot."

"Like what?"

"I never really connected with Lydia the way you're supposed to connect with someone you love. We were close, but when she was really upset about something she turned to Danielle, not me. I knew they were good friends, but I didn't know it was… you know… More than that."

"How could you have known? It's entirely possible to have intimate friendships without it having a romantic facet," said Maura. "Just look at my friendship with Jane. I've never been closer to anyone in my entire life, but we're not lovers."

 _Damn_ , thought Tommy. So they weren't a couple already. But that didn't mean it wasn't in the cards for them. He tried another tactic. "Yeah, but if you're in to someone, I think maybe you shouldn't worry about if it's a man or a woman. We all deserve to be with someone we have an actual connection with, don't you think?"

Setting down her knife, Maura turned to Tommy with a curious expression on her face. "Tommy," she said, "are you suggesting that I _should_ be in a romantic relationship with Jane?"

The conversation was turning awkward fast, and Tommy was starting to regret bringing this up. He knew Maura was far more direct than most people, but he hadn't expected her to pick up on and immediately call out his intentions in the exchange. He set his knife down as well and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just saying that you two seem to make each other happy. Isn't that what you said earlier? That you make Jane happy?"

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean we should be together. There are other factors to consider."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"We're both heterosexual, Tommy," said Maura, exasperarated.

Tommy shrugged. "This day and age, that doesn't mean the same thing it used to. You're a scientist, right? You telling me there's no studies out there that say that the whole gay-versus-straight thing is bullshit? I mean, even I know that just from reading Facebook."

In fact there were several studies that had concluded exactly that, but Maura resisted the urge to spout statistics that would destroy her own case in this argument. "Then what about you?" she said instead. "Would you consider having a relationship with another man?"

"If I loved him the way it seems you and Jane love each other, sure," he said casually.

Unexpectedly, Maura burst into laughter. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh. It's just… That's the most surreal thing I've ever heard anyone say. You came on to me so strongly, and now you're telling me you're bi-curious?"

Also laughing, glad that Maura wasn't angry with him, Tommy answered, "I'm not bi-curious, I'm just open-minded."

"Evidently," said Maura, picking her knife up again. She was silent for a long moment, and then she made a scary admission. "I can't say I've never considered it. I do love your sister very much. But I don't know if it's the type of love we've been discussing. All I know is that ever since I met her I've been looking for a man with whom I can have the connection I have with Jane, and ultimately I've been forced to conclude that it will never happen. There's no one else out there like her, and even if there was, they wouldn't want me back."

"Bullshit," said Tommy, relaxing in to the conversation and resuming his chopping duties. "You can get any man you want."

"Yes, I can. In the short term. But long term, no one ever wants to stay with me the way Jane has. No one else has ever continued to love me even after they've seen all my idiosyncrasies. They start to realize how weird I am, and they leave."

"Aw, c'mon, Maur… You're not weird."

"There's no need to pretend, Tommy. I've made my peace with it. But the point is that it's not exactly conducive to meaningful relationships."

They moved on to the next phase of cooking, Tommy watching carefully as Maura skillfully mixed in all the different ingredients. "Then what about Jane?" he asked.

"What about her?"

"Are you gonna try and get her?"

"No," said Maura shortly. "As I said, we both identify as heterosexual. It wouldn't make any sense to pursue a relationship that neither one of us is physically capable of maintaining."

"But you just said you love her two seconds ago!"

"Selective hearing," observed Maura, raising her finger up in the air. "When you're only listening for what you want to hear, you often miss everything else that was said. The same phenomenon can occur with vision, too. It's why so many motorcyclists are killed by cars entering in to their right of way. People driving cars don't think to specifically look for motorcycles, so they simply don't see them."

Tommy sighed and shook his head. "Okay, _now_ I agree. You're weird. Jane is a saint for putting up with this."

Maura just laughed and instructed him to set the table.

At their first taste of the stir fry, Tommy groaned with pleasure and TJ smacked his lips. "This is so good," Tommy said, his mouth rudely full of food.

"You're a natural," replied Maura. "Do you think you retained enough to know how to make it on your own?"

"I think so. I guess we'll be eating stir fry for dinner every day now, huh TJ?"

"Yeah!" cheered TJ.

"I can teach you other things too, if you want," Maura offered. "We could make a few different dishes until you get comfortable with the concepts of cooking enough for you to branch out and try some things on your own."

"That would be great, thanks Maur."

"You're welcome, Tommy."

Maura barely got any sleep that night. Instead she replayed the conversation with Tommy over and over in her mind. While the idea of a romance with Jane had crossed her mind, she'd always quickly dismissed it because of how unlikely and illogical it seemed. Why should she believe that Jane wanted anything more than friendship from her?

And what about what Maura wanted? Was it even possible for her to think of Jane that way? Deciding to try a thought experiment, she closed her eyes as she lay in bed and attempted to imagine it. She pictured Jane picking her up and taking her out for a date, maybe to a high-class French restaurant. Then they might go to a symphony or ballet. Then maybe they would go for a walk along the river to discuss what they'd seen. It was similar to many enjoyable dates Maura had been on with men.

And at the end of the night, there might be a kiss.

Here, her imagination failed. It was too strange to think of kissing Jane. Embarrassed, Maura buried her face in her pillow and made a gurgling noise, blushing furiously.

Why should she find it so strange, though? Tommy was right. There were plenty of studies that suggested sexuality was more fluid than scientists had once thought. And there was no denying that Maura _did_ love Jane, more than she'd ever loved anyone. Was it really so obtuse to think there could be more between them? Why did the fantasy strike her as so bizarre?

 _Because that wasn't Jane_ , thought Maura. The woman in the date night fantasy was tall and dark and beautiful like Jane, but she didn't have Jane's warmth, her smile and her laughter.

Maura tried again, this time focusing on the Jane she knew and loved. Where would the real Jane Rizzoli take her on a date? The Dirty Robber, maybe. A shooting range. The batting cages. That could work. She restarted the date fantasy, only now the two of them were at the batting cages, and Jane was laughing at Maura's stance, and Maura was laughing too, much too hard to hit the ball properly, which only made Jane laugh more. Even in Maura's imagination there was warmth and familiarity and comfort, and this time she found it much easier to imagine Jane ducking her head down and pressing her lips against her own.

" _God_ ," breathed Maura, astounded at the full-body shiver that raced through her at the thought of Jane kissing her. The physical reaction startled Maura so much she worried for a moment that she was having another complication from her brain injury. But she'd felt fine for months now, and she'd seen her own scans, and she knew that wasn't what had caused her heart to feel like it had skipped several beats. No, she was definitely having a physiological response to an unexpected swell of psychological activity.

Confused and disturbed, Maura got out of bed and went to the bathroom to stare at herself in the mirror. She was too old for this. She was nearly forty. It didn't make any sense that she would suddenly find herself wanting the companionship of a woman, did it?

 _Of course it does_ , she thought rationally. Plenty of women experienced same-sex attraction later in life. It wasn't uncommon at all.

But that wasn't the real problem here. The problem wasn't Maura's sexuality.

The problem was that she was legitimately concerned that she was in love with her best friend.

At work the next day she was dragging so much that Kent was hovering obnoxiously, asking her repeatedly if she was okay. "The surgery was a complete success, Kent," she assured him after the tenth time he asked. "I promise you, you don't need to be concerned about my health at this juncture."

"Asking someone if they're okay isn't necessarily a question about physical health, Dr. Isles," he replied in his Scottish lilt. "There can be mental problems that cause distraction and absent-mindedness as well."

They were seated in Maura's office reviewing the results of the serial killer autopsy together, the woman who Maura had told Jane about several days prior on the phone. The victim was Kelly Costa, and her murder had been one of the most brutal that Maura had ever seen. She'd been sexually assaulted, strangled, and then mutilated post-mortem. Her killer had cut open her chest, split her ribs open, and removed her left lung. The organ still had not been located.

There were several ways to link this case with eight cold cases from three decades ago. The primary was, of course, DNA. Lab techs had been able to link the DNA in all the killings together, but there was no known match for it in the system. And the next similarity was that the murderer always removed one organ from their victims. It was a different organ every time, as though the killer was trying to assemble a full set. For this reason the serial killer had been given the nickname The Collector.

Deciding not to pursue a personal conversation with Kent, Maura pointed to one of the autopsy photos to ask a question. Since she'd been in Paris, she hadn't been present to see the body before it had been somewhat re-assembled for easier storage. "Was this where you found the shoe-print?" she inquired.

"Yes," confirmed Kent, accepting the subject change without comment. "It looks as though the killer tried to split the ribs with his hands, but failing that he resorted to doing so with his foot. The bone was crushed in many places at the tips of each rib."

"Were there boot prints on any of the bodies found in the 1980s?"

"No, but if the killer is the same man, he's gotten older and probably isn't quite as strong as he used to be."

Maura let the assumption slide because she concurred with his assessment. She made a noise of agreement and moved to the next photo. "He's very talented with his knife, isn't he? He knew exactly what to sever in order to get the lung out intact. There are no exploratory or accidental cuts, and no hesitation wounds either."

"Detective Rizzoli believes he must have gotten pretty good at cutting out organs after the other eight victims."

It was always a little jarring to Maura when people mentioned _Detective Rizzoli_ until she realized they were referring to Frankie. Ignoring the jolt of unrest, she said: "But there was such a long gap in between this murder and the last one in 1989. He must have kept his skills sharp all that time."

"Or maybe it's like riding a bike," countered Kent. Maura couldn't help but admit that she enjoyed his morbid sense of humor.

Closing the file, Maura stood from her chair and walked over to her desk to retrieve the rest of the case files from the older murders. "Let's go back through the older cases and see if his knife-work improved over time or if he was always that proficient."

"How are you holding up without Jane?" asked Kent abruptly, and Maura swung around to stare at him. "You look like you're not sleeping well."

"I fail to see how my physical appearance is any concern of yours," shot back Maura irritably. She knew he was trying to help, but she didn't appreciate being put on the spot like that.

Also standing, Kent held up his hands in surrender. "I apologize. That was probably the wrong way to ask. I only wanted to offer my support in this trying time."

Sighing, Maura blinked away a sudden prickling of tears and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm struggling," she admitted. "But life goes on. I'm sure it will get easier with time."

Later, once he had left her office, Maura reflected on how much easier it had become for her to lie over the last few years.


	4. Chapter 4

On the first day of her Thanksgiving break, Jane pulled her car up in front of Maura's house, grabbed her bag from the back seat, and headed up the walkway. She'd done this same exact thing thousands of times before, but she hadn't done it in three entire months and it somehow felt like the most wonderful ten feet she'd ever walked. She was exhausted from her seven-and-a-half hour drive, but that wasn't about to stop her from enjoying this moment. The door was unlocked and she entered without knocking, saying: "Honey, I'm home!"

And then there was a sweet wash of familiar voices: "Jane!"

"Janie!"

"Auntie Jane!"

"Hey guys!" Jane said, coming in to the main area of the house to look around at everyone who was present. The room was full of smiles, and the first person to come and embrace her was her mother. "Hi Ma, I missed you."

"I missed you, too, sweetie," said Angela in to her daughter's shoulder, her voice thick with tears.

Next Maura came over, her eyes suspiciously shiny in the late afternoon sunlight that streamed in through the window. She was wearing a flowery linen dress and her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, exposing her smooth, graceful neck. Jane hesitated only long enough to take in the sight of her, soaking in her beauty, her heart lurching with love, before pulling Maura in for a tight hug. "Hey Maur," she burred, turning her head to place a soft kiss against Maura's sweet-smelling hair.

"Hi Jane," replied Maura, wrapping her arms around Jane and inhaling her scent deeply, smiling from ear to ear. "Welcome home."

Jane let her hand trail along Maura's arm as she retreated, turning to greet the rest of her family. Tommy, Nina, and Frankie all took their turns for hugs, and then she hoisted TJ up in her arms, settling him in place against her side. "Oof!" she grunted, exaggerating the effort it took to be able to pick him up. "You got so big! What have you been eating?"

"Maura's food," replied TJ matter-of-factly.

"Of course," said Jane, slapping her own forehead with her free hand. Maura had told her that she was teaching Tommy how to cook. "Silly me. How could I forget? Maura's food would make anyone big and strong. Did you know she used to feed it to Bass, her turtle…"

"Tortoise," cut in Maura on cue.

"…And that's why he got so big and had to go to live at the zoo?"

"Can I go live at the zoo?"

"Look around, kiddo," said Jane, gesturing at their family. "You already do."

For the reunion dinner, Maura and Tommy banished everyone else from the kitchen and worked in practiced partnership to prepare a proper meal. Normally Angela would be griping at them to let her help, but they had promised her complete control of Thanksgiving dinner, and so she had relented. Besides, everyone was curious to see what Tommy had learned.

As the cooking went on, Jane sat in the living room discussing her classes and life in Virginia with Frankie, Angela and Nina. TJ was sitting on the carpet, beginning to assemble the Lego replica of an FBI helicopter that Jane had brought him. "The job is great," she said. "I didn't know teaching would be so fun."

"Not as fun as bein' a detective though, right?" asked Frankie dubiously. "You don't get to chase down any bad guys doing what you're doing."

"It's a different kind of fun," said Jane. It didn't escape Frankie's notice that she hadn't tried to argue that chasing suspects wasn't fun. "I get to make people laugh a lot more. It's less serious, you know? I forgot how nice it can be to not have everything be about death all the time."

"Wrong target audience," said Maura as she came over to perch on the arm of the sofa next to Jane. She handed Jane a cold beer, and Jane smiled at her in thanks. Maura's stomach did a funny flipping thing that she pointedly ignored. "Good luck trying to convince this crowd that careers that aren't about death are in any way enticing."

"Here here," said Frankie, holding up his own beer in salute.

Angela made a disgusted noise and shook her head. "I will never understand you kids."

"Me either," chimed in Tommy from the kitchen.

Jane hadn't heard a single word of the exchange since Maura had come to sit beside her. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and she'd been prepared for an upsurge in her feelings for Maura after all their time apart, but this was getting ridiculous. She couldn't concentrate on anything except the fact that Maura's arm was resting casually on the back of the couch behind her, and that her hip was brushing occasionally against her shoulder. Taking a long swig of her beer, she mentally chastised herself and forced her attention back to the conversation.

"…Career as an undertaker," Frankie was saying.

Understanding what Frankie must have been talking about, she quickly chimed in with a dig at her youngest brother. "Speaking of which, Tommy, you gonna need help cutting up that steak? I know you got a weak stomach and all."

Everyone laughed, but Jane had ears only for the musical sound of Maura beside her. "Stop that," Maura chastised her. "You'd be amazed at the strides Tommy has made in the kitchen. He barely even needs my help at this point." A twinkle of mirth shimmering in her eyes, she added, "If it wasn't for his tendency to neglect to read the recipe book, I think I'd leave him alone in there."

"Hey! I read it," said Tommy defensively. He picked up a green bean, took aim, and threw it across the room at Maura. It missed its target and hit Jane in the back of the head.

"Dude!" she yelled, rubbing the spot. "Okay, if you two are gonna behave like toddlers and start throwing food, I'm gonna go put my stuff away."

"The guest room is all made up for you," Maura commented.

"Thanks, Maur."

She picked up her bag and headed towards the bedrooms, taking her time to look around at the house as though she couldn't believe she was actually here. It felt like she was waking up from a three-month-long dream, and now she was seeing everything in sharper clarity than she ever had before, including her feelings for Maura.

Something made her pause outside Maura's home office. This was where Maura kept her writing desk, with a computer set up that she used solely for the purpose of writing her mystery stories. Setting her bag down and glancing over her shoulder to make sure she was alone, Jane entered the room and walked over to the desk to look at the computer.

There was dust accumulating on the screen and on the keyboard.

Prickles of shock and horror raced up and down Jane's spine. Maura wasn't writing anymore?

True, Maura hadn't mentioned her mystery novel since they'd left Paris, but Jane had assumed it was because she wasn't ready to discuss or share it yet. Maura was really self-conscious about her writing, and that could take the form of either asking for Jane's reassurances repeatedly, or saying nothing at all. Because of this, Jane had figured Maura was going through a stage of her composition where she didn't feel confident enough in her work to let Jane read what she'd completed.

But no, now it was evident that Maura wasn't working on her novel at all. Why had she stopped?

In Paris Maura had kept a meticulous writing schedule—two hours in the morning, and two hours after dinner. During these times she expected Jane to entertain herself because she wanted to be very strict and focused in order to get as much done as she could. Jane had spent many of those hours lounging around in the apartment they were subletting for the month, sitting in silence and watching Maura surreptitiously over the top of her book. She loved the way Maura frowned at the screen, the way she bit her lip while she was considering what to type next, the way she consulted her handwritten notes periodically, the way she ran her hands through her hair when she was frustrated, and the way the corners of her lips would lift in a secretive smile whenever she wrote something she thought was really good. Never in Jane's life had she seen anything so stunningly beautiful, and now when she thought of Maura, she often remembered those quiet hours in their apartment in Paris.

And the cherry on top was that Jane was _really_ looking forward to reading Maura's book. Admittedly the first three chapters had been a little slow, but once Maura had gotten to Paris her writing had come alive. Now Jane read the pages as soon as they were handed to her, excited by and wrapped up in the intricate plotline that Maura was spinning. She couldn't believe how talented a writer Maura was.

Had she ever bothered telling Maura that? She tried to assure Maura that she was enjoying the book, but she'd always held back her enthusiasm in an effort to keep Maura from getting too anxious about not living up to Jane's expectations to continue. Now she was angry with herself for that decision, and she resolved to correct it as soon as possible.

But more than that, she was angry at her family. Were they taking care of Maura at all? Maura must be deeply depressed to stop writing. Had any of them even noticed? Maura needed companionship and support, and she'd been counting on her family to look after Maura in her absence. How could they let her slip so far down in the dumps?

Fuming, she stormed over to the guest room and threw her bag on the bed. Then she shut herself up in the bathroom to regain some control over her emotions. She was so mad that her hands were shaking, and her vision was clouded with red. Splashing some cold water on her face, she did some breathing exercises that Maura had taught her until she felt ready to face her family again.

When she got back to the living room, Tommy was still alone in the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room. Maura had stolen Jane's seat on the sofa, and she looked around when Jane reappeared. She quirked an eyebrow in an unspoken question: _Are you okay?_

Jane gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile: _I'm fine._

Sidling up next to Tommy in the kitchen, she asked in a low voice, "Can I talk to you in private for a minute?"

Curious, Tommy said, "Sure. Let me put the roast in real quick." He hoisted the heavy dish into the oven, set the timer, and then followed Jane outside Maura's house. She didn't speak until they were all the way down the driveway and standing on the sidewalk at the bottom.

Whirling around and glaring in accusation, Jane said, "Did you know Maura stopped writing?"

"What? No. Why did she do that?"

"Because she's depressed, obviously. God, Tommy, you didn't think to ask how she's _doing_? Isn't anyone in this family watching out for her? I thought she'd be okay with you guys here to look after her, but you all _abandon_ her the minute I leave? How could you do that? She's family for God's sake!" Jane knew she was ranting, knew her voice was getting louder with every word, but she couldn't help it. She was furious.

"Fuck off, Jane," snapped Tommy, matching her fury, and it caught Jane by such surprise that her mouth fell open. "Of _course_ we're looking out for her! I'm here three nights a week with TJ, she's at Frankie and Nina's for dinner every Friday, Ma pops in _constantly_ , and we have Sunday dinner here every week! We're with her just as often as we were before you left, if not _more_. So don't you _dare_ try to pin this on us when you know _exactly_ why Maura is depressed!"

Speechless and feeling guilt creeping in, Jane crossed her arms and looked away from him.

"You didn't have to leave, Jane," Tommy continued, quieter now. "You made that choice. Not us. We could be with her every day, but it could never be enough to help her with what she's dealing with right now."

A tear rolled down Jane's cheek and she hastily wiped it away. She knew he was right, and she knew she was lashing out at the wrong person. She couldn't bear the thought that _she_ was the one hurting Maura—hurting her so much that she had abandoned her passion for writing. Tommy's words echoed in her mind: _You made that choice._ But what choice did Jane have? It was a choice between hurting Maura by being in Boston and subjecting her to Jane's unrequited love, and hurting Maura by leaving Boston to try and maintain their friendship as it existed today. There was no way to fix this, and that was what hurt Jane most of all.

"I did have to leave," she choked out around the lump in her throat. "I can't explain it, but I did."

"You don't gotta explain it. I'm not stupid, Janie, no matter what you might think." He waited for her to say something else, but she seemed to be done talking. "I'm going inside. I need to finish the potatoes." Brushing past her, he headed back up the driveway.

"Tommy," Jane called after him. "I'm sorry. And… Thanks."

Waving a hand without turning around, Tommy replied, "Don't mention it."

Once she'd gotten herself under control, Jane went back inside. "Needed some air," she explained when her mother asked where she had gone. "I'm exhausted from the drive."

Maura had returned to the kitchen to help Tommy, and Jane wandered over with the intention of getting another beer from the fridge. "What are you doing?" asked Maura sternly. "Get out of here."

"I'm getting a beer," said Jane, pointing in disbelief at the fridge. She took another step closer, but Maura physically blocked her path. "Really, Maura?"

"Really, Jane," replied Maura, putting her hands on her hips. "Out. Now. Go sit down with your family. I'll get you your beer."

"Sheesh," grumbled Jane, skulking away. "So bossy."

A minute later, Maura brought Jane an open beer and a shortbread cookie, which Jane understood to be an apology and a peace offering. Warmth blossomed in her chest at the simple gesture. It was good to be home.

The rest of dinner went off without a hitch. It was just as delicious as Maura had promised it would be, and everyone showered her and Tommy with well-deserved compliments. Throughout the evening Jane watched Maura closely for any signs of sadness, but she was the cheerful, funny, kind and affectionate woman that Jane had grown to know and love. But then again, if Jane's absence was the source of Maura's depression, then it made sense that she wouldn't be unhappy with Jane sitting right beside her. A few times Maura caught her staring, but she didn't seem to mind. They would smile at each other and return to the conversation for a while, only for Jane to lose interest and focus on Maura again, starting the cycle all over.

It was getting late by the time everyone left. As Maura closed the door behind Tommy and TJ, the last two to leave, Jane gave a loud groan and collapsed on the couch, her arms and legs flopping limply like a ragdoll. "Finally," she huffed.

Maura laughed and went to the kitchen, pouring two glasses of red wine from the unfinished bottle on the counter. Then she came back and pushed Jane's legs off the couch so she could curl up on her end. That finished, she offered Jane her wine glass. "Not too tired to talk for a while, I hope," she said fondly. "I've been looking forward to it all night."

"I've been looking forward to it for three months," admitted Jane, straightening up and tucking her legs up to her chest. "I really missed you, Maura."

"I missed you, too."

"I missed you more," shot back Jane petulantly.

But Maura didn't laugh. "Unlikely," she said. When she realized what she'd said she dropped her gaze and stared at her wine glass, a classic Maura tell.

"Hey," Jane said consolingly. She reached over and tipped Maura's chin up. "Don't pull back on me, okay? We promised that the distance isn't going to change this. Why didn't you tell me you'd stopped writing?"

Surprise registered in Maura's eyes, and then she sighed with annoyance. "How did you know?"

"Dusty office. Dr. Maura Isles does not work in a dusty office."

"Are you sure you're not a detective anymore?"

"Pretty sure. Now stop avoiding and tell me."

Maura did that dreaded sighing thing she did whenever the news was really bad. For a heart-pounding moment, Jane thought maybe she was about to hear that Maura's brain injury had worsened. But she knew that was irrational. Maura would have told her something like that.

"Paris," Maura said finally.

It was hard for Jane to imagine a more confusing answer. "Paris is the reason you stopped writing? Did you really have that bad a time?"

Maura chuckled. "No, Jane. I had a wonderful time. But I got so used to you being there while I wrote, it's hard to do it without you being there." She paused. "And that's not the only thing. It's just… hard. Everything is hard without you here."

And then, to Jane's horror, she burst into tears.

"Shit, Maura!" She hastened to put their wine glasses on the table before gathering Maura close in her arms. Holding Maura tight against her, her heart shattering in her chest, Jane struggled to contain her own sympathetic tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Maur," she whispered in to Maura's hair.

"Don't be," sobbed Maura. "You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing, and you're doing it with aplomb. I'm the pathetic loser who can't maintain a basic level of emotional stability without her best friend."

"I wouldn't be so sure that you're alone in that one," Jane admitted, hugging Maura tighter, drowning in her warmth and her softness and her hands gripping the back of her shirt as though desperate to feel her close. "I'm surviving in Virginia, but that's about it. I miss Boston and my family and being a detective, but I can deal with all that. What I _can't_ deal with is missing you."

Drawing back, Maura looked at her earnestly, her face streaked with tears. "Then what do we do?"

Shrugging, Jane reached out a finger and wiped away her tears. "We tighten it up. We gotta talk more often, all the times we normally would have if I was here. We can have coffee in the morning, and we can chat during lunch, and we can have dinner together. And if you need me there when you write, you can Skype me in and I'll be on the monitor. I'll sit with you like I did in Paris."

"Oh, no, Jane, I can't ask you to do that…"

"You didn't ask. I offered."

"But it's such a huge time commitment, and you're so busy with your lessons!"

"And you're not busy? Look, obviously there will be nights one or the other of us won't be able to do it, but let's give it a shot. Let's set up a time that could work for both of us and try it for a while. And before you keep arguing with me about this, let me tell you that I'm doing it for me, not you. I need to know what's gonna happen in your book, Maura. This waiting is killing me!"

Maura gazed at her then with such love and affection that Jane's heart began to pound in her chest. She was legitimately worried that Maura would be able to feel it because of how close they were sitting. "No one has ever been better to me than you are, Jane," Maura confessed.

"Yeah, well, everyone else is stupid," replied Jane with a roguish smile, and she did an internal happy dance when Maura laughed.

Wrapping her arms around Jane's shoulders, Maura pulled her in for another warm hug. "Thank you," she said, her voice muffled against Jane's shirt.

Jane's heart was pounding again, and she was having difficulty breathing. She'd never known Maura to be so physically affectionate. On the one hand she was enjoying this on a molecular level, like every minute spent with Maura in her arms was repairing old wounds and strengthening her defenses against new ones. But on the other hand she was panicking, because how was she going to deal with a lifetime of intense love for Maura when she had to factor in that she now knew what it felt like to hold her this way?

One thing was obvious here. Absence had definitely worked its magic on the fondness in Maura's heart, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silly readers. You really thought I was gonna put our girls together after only 4 chapters? Apparently you don't know the meaning of "slow burn."
> 
> The good news is that I finished writing this fic last night, so I'll be increasing the update schedule to every other day again. Please stick with it! I promise the payoff is gonna be worth it.

A week after Jane had gone back to Virginia, another young woman with cracked-open ribs was found in an abandoned warehouse in Southie. She was missing her right lung.

The call came in while Maura was having coffee with Jane via Skype. When her phone vibrated, she resented for the very first time in her life the fact that her job could interrupt her at any given moment. Jane watched via webcam as Maura listened to dispatch, and after she hung up she said, "I miss that."

"You miss being called away at every inopportune moment to investigate a horrible murder?" asked Maura irritably as she rose from the table to put her mug in the sink.

"Yes," said Jane. "It doesn't mean I want to go back to it, but there's a reason people ride roller coasters, you know?"

"Oh, I love roller coasters," said Maura enthusiastically. "You get first-hand experience of the power of gravity and momentum. It's physics in action. Did you know that the first roller coasters were constructed out of ice and snow in Russia? There are records of them from all the way back in the 17th century, but they didn't use carts like modern-day thrill rides, they used sleds. Their popularity began to spread when…"

"Maura," interrupted Jane, "if you don't stop talking there are going to be _two_ horrible murders to investigate right now."

"Are you implying that you're going to kill me?"

"No, I'm saying I'm literally dying right now."

"Technically we're all dying, Jane."

"I hate you," said Jane flatly. "Go poke a dead body." Then she closed her laptop, abruptly severing the connection.

At the crime scene, Maura took Jane's advice and knelt next to the young woman in the warehouse, letting the chatter of the police officers around her wash over her as she carefully prodded and examined the remains. "Body temperature puts the time of death between twelve and fourteen hours ago," she announced to Frankie, who was the only detective listening at the moment since his new partner had yet to arrive. Running her hands along the corpse's arms, she continued: "Lividity indicates she wasn't killed here. These mutilations were inflicted post-mortem, about an hour after she died."

"Any idea which of these wounds was the death blow?" asked Frankie, kneeling beside her and squinting at the mess that used to be a living, breathing human being.

"Hmm," Maura hummed, moving the woman's hair aside to look for head contusions. Finding nothing, she moved down and pressed her fingers along the victim's neck. "Crushed larynx. She's been strangled. Bruising indicates it was done manually."

"Just like the other victims. Same killer, you think?"

"Jane may be gone, but that doesn't mean I'm about to start speculating wildly about my cases, Frankie," Maura admonished him.

This comment shocked Frankie for several reasons. The first was its surface meaning—how could anyone look at this body and not think there was enough hard evidence to link it to all the other victims that had come in looking exactly like this? The second was the jaunty tone with which Maura had delivered the jab. It was like the old Maura, the Maura who used to verbally spar with the homicide detectives at a crime scene before Jane had left. And the third was that Maura had managed to mention the fact that Jane was gone without having to beat back tears.

Grinning happily at her progress, he decided to keep up with her good mood by saying: "Okay, well, I'm going to go ahead and assume it's the same guy that did this. And if I'm wrong, you can say 'I told you so' as many times as you want, and I won't say boo."

"I'll only need to say it once," said Maura, getting to her feet and removing her blue gloves to make notes on her tablet. "Maybe twice, if I'm feeling particularly vindictive."

"But it's only fair that when it turns out it's the same killer, you gotta let me say it to you, too."

"That would be fair. You've got a deal, Detective," Maura agreed, and she held out her hand for Frankie to shake.

A few hours later, when DNA from semen found on the victim linked the case to all the other Collector murders, Frankie came down to the morgue looking smug. He cleared his throat and said, "Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. She sells seashells by the seashore."

Eyeing him with complete confusion, Maura said, "What are you doing?"

"Preparing," he replied.

"Ha ha," said Maura sarcastically as she realized what he must be referring to. "Go ahead and say it."

"I told you so," he said promptly.

"Congratulations. Now, would you like to know what I found, or shall I call down another detective?"

"I'm good," said Frankie quickly, joining her at the table with the dead body on it. "Lay it on me."

Maura went through all the information she had gleaned so far. The victim's ribs had been brutally cracked open again, and with the added marks on their edges the crime lab had been able to assemble a complete boot print, which she brought up on her computer screen for Frankie to see. "Based on the pattern and thickness of the rubber, I'd say it's a Timberland boot, one of their work models with non-slip soles," Maura said.

"You're the shoe expert," teased Frankie. "I trust your gut on that one."

"It's not a gut feeling, Frankie. I think you underestimate how much I know about shoes."

Gasping, Frankie said, "I would never!"

"This type of shoe is popular with men who work blue-collar, manual labor jobs," Maura continued, pointedly ending their banter. "Many construction companies mandate their workers to wear boots like this."

Listening closely, Frankie said, "So we're looking for a construction worker."

"That's not what I said," said Maura, annoyed. "I was merely making an observation and giving an example of the general class of person who might be predisposed to owning this category of footwear. Construction workers aren't the only people who are capable of wearing a boot like this. He could also be a plumber, or a custodial worker, or a shopkeeper, or a..."

Rolling his eyes, Frankie turned and started walking out of the morgue. "Thank you, Maura," he said as the doors shut behind him, feeling a distinct kinship to his absent sister. He wondered how many times in Jane's life she'd done the exact same thing.

Maura intentionally took her lunch at the same time that Jane had said she would take hers so they could chat as they ate. She dialed Jane and put the phone on speaker. "It's a Collector murder," Maura said when Jane answered.

"Damn," said Jane. "What part did he take?"

"The right lung. I wonder when he'll be satisfied with his set. Is he going to stop at the major organs, or will he want someone's large intestine eventually?"

"Is it true your intestines are like 50 feet long?" Maura could tell that Jane's mouth was full, and since she'd seen Jane making her lunch that morning, she knew she was probably eating her peanut butter and fluff sandwich.

"The small intestine is about twenty feet long on average, but the large intestine is only about five," Maura informed her.

Jane snorted. "That's backwards. What is it with you medical professionals and calling things by backwards names? Like if you test someone for herpes and it's negative, that's good. But if it's positive, that's bad."

"I'll be sure to file a complaint to the American Medical Association on your behalf. If _you're_ having trouble with it, it must be far too confusing for the average layperson."

 _God, I love her,_ thought Jane, deeply flattered by the nonchalant compliment Maura had just paid her. "Thank you," she said. "I appreciate that." She took a moment to crunch loudly on a few potato chips. "What other organs does this guy already have aside from a complete set of lungs?"

Looking at the box of case files that was sitting across the room on the coffee table near her couch, Maura rattled them off from memory: "Pancreas, colon, liver, gallbladder, one of each kidney, bladder and stomach."

"What about a heart?"

"Not yet, but I imagine that can't be far off."

"It'll be pretty far off if you catch him before he can get one."

"Obviously," clipped Maura. "Don't worry, we'll get him."

"I know you will." Jane paused, sipping from her bottle of water. She was sitting in her office at the FBI academy, and she also had Maura on speaker. Considering the case, she mused, "I wonder why he hasn't taken a heart yet. You'd think that would be the first one he'd take."

"Considering how he treats these poor women, I very much doubt he's the sentimental type."

"I disagree," said Jane thoughtfully. "He takes a trophy from every victim. I think he's waiting for the right girl, the girl with the perfect heart."

"Anatomically, maybe," said Maura bitterly. "I bet he doesn't even know what organ he's going to take before he opens them up, and then he picks whichever one is the finest specimen."

Raising her eyebrows, Jane asked, "What makes you think that?"

Sighing, Maura prodded at her salad with her fork. "These murders are downright _surgical_ , Jane. Whoever is doing this has no interest in these women aside from their bodies. He rapes them, he strangles them, and he helps himself to what's left. It's one of the worst things I've ever seen. There's no emotional motive here. It's all physical. I'm sure of it."

"You shoulda been a detective, Maura," said Jane, putting her feet up on her desk. She was eager to repay the compliment that Maura had so casually thrown her way earlier. "You think you don't know people, but you do."

"I know science. I know surgical cuts. It's not the same set of skills at all."

"Well, either way, I think you should share your thoughts with Frankie."

"Oh, no, I couldn't. It's really not my place. I'm just the medical examiner. No one asked me to give a psychological profile on the murderer."

"You woulda shared it with me if it was my case. How many murders did we solve because you overstepped your job description?"

After a slight hesitation, Maura admitted: "Dozens."

"There you go. Talk to Frankie. This is information he can use."

There was a knock on Maura's office door. "Come in," she called.

The door opened and Kent poked his head in. "I have the analysis on our Jane Doe's stomach contents. Looks like she had a pastrami on rye and some potato salad for lunch the day she died."

"Thank you, Kent," said Maura. "Jane, I'll have to let you go."

Brightening up, Kent stepped fully in to the office. "Is that non-Doe Jane? Hi Jane!"

"Hi Kent," drawled Jane flatly, and Maura couldn't help but laugh at the familiar reaction from her friend. It made her feel like Jane could be standing right there in her office, her hands on her belt and sharing an irritated eye roll with Maura. For the first time in the week since Jane had gone back to Virginia, Maura felt a sharp jab of pain.

"Actually, Kent, could you give us another minute?" she said, her voice shaky.

"Sure," said Kent. As he shut the door he added, "Bye Jane."

"Bye Kent," replied Jane in the same droll manner as before.

Maura burst in to tears.

"What the hell, Maur, are you crying?" Jane asked, alarmed.

"I'm sorry," hiccupped Maura, burying her face in a tissue. "I thought I had this under control."

"Me too! What did I do?"

Sniffling, Maura said, "You made me laugh."

"Oh," said Jane, not sure how she was supposed to respond to this. "Should I stop being funny?"

"Please don't. It's one of my favorite things about you."

"Okay." Jane sat in her office and wished with all her heart that she could be there to hug Maura at that moment. It was killing her to picture Maura all alone, undoubtedly trying to wipe away the evidence of her tears without messing up her makeup. Picturing what she would have done if she'd been present, Jane had no doubt that if she was there, she would have kissed Maura just then. Nothing would have been able to stop her, not even if Creepy Kent walked in. So it was definitely better that she was in Virginia, where she couldn't do anything so unbelievably stupid. "You good?" she asked warmly, devoting herself to comforting Maura as best as she could with all this distance between them.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry. And don't be embarrassed either. We're allowed to miss each other, alright? And listen, I know you gotta get back to work, but don't think you're getting out of telling me all your other favorite things about me."

Jane was relieved when this time Maura's laughter didn't lead to a wave of sobs.

On her way home Maura stopped at her favorite butcher shop to pick up some lean beef to use in a dish she planned to make with Tommy that night. It wasn't a traditional butcher shop—after all, few were these days. Over the years they'd been forced to branch out in to other types of foods. At this point they were more like a deli than anything else, but they still specialized in fresh meat. The place had been in Boston almost since the city was founded and had stayed in the same family the whole time. Maura always like to support local businesses, so she tried to get her meat there whenever she could.

Meat obtained, Maura continued on to her house. About an hour later, Tommy and TJ showed up and they got started on their meal. Maura filled Tommy in on the generals of the case, but she left out most of the more gory details. She didn't think it would be wise to tell Tommy about how their murderer cut his victims up in order to select the finest organ while he was chopping up a steak.

"But why's he doing this?" Tommy asked, perplexed. "What's in it for him?"

"I don't like to speculate," said Maura shortly. "At least, not to anyone but Jane."

Seizing on the subject at once, Timmy smirked at her. "Oh, you talked to Jane about the case already?"

"Yes," said Maura innocently. "I talk to her about a lot of things. What's so amusing about that?"

"I mean… Come on, Maura. You're _this close_!" He held up his thumb and forefinger, leaving a tiny amount of space between them. "Think how much happier you'd be."

Shaking her head, Maura said, "I should have known. It's this crazy romance idea again."

"It's not crazy. You're crazy for not goin' for it. Jane's a catch, you know."

"Yes, I am aware. I'd be lucky to have someone like her."

"Are you listening to yourself right now?"

Setting her knife down and heading for the fridge, Maura poured them both a glass of white wine to sip as they cooked. "I don't understand why you're so gung-ho about this. Since when do you care about my love life?"

"I care about it. As you may remember, there was a time when I cared about it so much that I wanted to _be_ your love life." Tommy waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Immediately, Maura tensed and began to withdraw from the conversation. "Tommy, you know I don't…"

But Tommy waved his hand to make her stop talking. "I know. I'm kidding. I understand it's not going to happen with us, and I know exactly why. It's because of Jane, right?" The smirk had returned, and he saw Maura visibly relax her shoulders in relief that he wasn't trying to make a move on her again.

Maura took a long moment to consider his words. Yes, it was because of Jane. It would feel too much like a betrayal of Jane to be with Tommy. "That's actually a very convincing argument," she acknowledged. "I'm not exactly sure why I feel like engaging you in something more than friendship would have anything to do with Jane. I'm sure if you and I really liked each other, Jane wouldn't begrudge us that. She'd be uncomfortable with it at first, but I believe she would be supportive in the end."

"I bet she probably would, but we'll never know because you don't really like me like that. You like Jane."

After their only other conversation regarding this topic, Maura had been spending nearly every night analyzing her own feelings for Jane. The evidence was overwhelming. She experienced all the traditional physiological indications of sexual arousal when she thought of Jane in a more intimate context, and those were easy to identify and understand. What was harder to identify and understand was the depth and nature of the emotional response she had to thinking of Jane that way. The truth was that she knew she was most likely in love with Jane, but the reality of it was still terrifying and confusing to her. But she did at the very least feel comfortable admitting that her feelings for Jane had gone long past those that could be neatly categorized as "friendship."

"Look," she said hesitantly to Tommy, setting her wine down on the counter and crossing her arms, "I have been thinking about this a great deal ever since you brought it up, and I do believe that there may be something to your theory about my feelings for Jane."

" _Hell_ yeah!" exclaimed Tommy triumphantly. "You should tell her!"

"No!" said Maura desperately. "I can't tell her, and neither can you. Not now, not _ever_."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I'm still not sure what this means. I'm incredibly confused by it. I've never considered having a homosexual relationship before, let alone with someone who is as important to me as Jane. And besides that, there's simply no way Jane wants that, Tommy! And if I tell her that I think I might I want that from her it'll change things between us, and I wouldn't be able to bear it if something were to change between us."

"What if it changes it for the better?" asked Tommy. "You thought about that at all?"

Maura took a deep breath as she allowed herself to lapse in to the fantasies she'd been entertaining every night. Most nights she didn't even think of sexual situations. Instead she pictured the mundane things people did while they were in a relationship—having coffee in the morning, taking walks, cuddling on the couch, having drinks with friends, holding hands in the car, simply sharing their time and their lives with one another. What if she had that with Jane? Just the thought of it made her knees weak with a desire stronger than any she'd ever felt. Yes, she definitely wanted that with Jane so badly it hurt. But she knew it would never happen. It couldn't. And it was pointless to think about how much she wanted it. These feelings were dangerous, and these fantasies were painful.

She picked up her wine again and took a large sip. "Of course I've thought about that. It's _all_ I think about. But it won't change things for the better. That would be impossible," she concluded briskly.

For someone so smart, Dr. Maura Isles really could be an idiot. It was unfathomable to Tommy that Maura couldn't see what was so blatantly obvious to him. But it wasn't his place to say anything. He'd already meddled enough. "Well I know I can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but for the record I think you're making a mistake. And when you find out I'm right some day, you bet your ass I'm gonna rub it in your face."

Remembering Frankie coming in to the morgue earlier that day to deliver his _I told you so_ , Maura said: "Duly noted." Then she reached over to take the bottle of paprika Tommy had been about to open out of his hands and place it on the counter, drawing his full attention to her stern, serious face. "You have to promise me you won't say anything about this to anyone, Tommy," she demanded. "Not Jane, not Frankie, not your mother. No one. This stays between us. Do you promise?"

"I promise," grumbled Tommy, disappointed.

Jane Skyped in while they ate, entertaining everyone as she interacted with TJ, pretending to eat the bites of food he pushed against Maura's laptop screen to feed to her. Even 343 miles wasn't enough to dull the love between Jane and her nephew, and they looked at each other like they were each other's entire worlds.

And Tommy noticed how Jane looked at Maura the same way when Maura picked up the computer to clean up the mess they'd made. They casually joked around as Maura wiped off the screen, Jane's eyes lighting up at the sound of Maura's laughter, the dimples on her cheeks more pronounced than ever with her wide, happy grin. _How can Maura not see that?_ thought Tommy.

As he and TJ were leaving, Tommy looked Maura directly and steadily in the eye and reiterated: "You're making a _huge_ mistake, Maura." Then he turned and headed down the driveway, following his son in to the darkness. Maura leaned against the doorway and watched him go, lost in thought.

Tommy's instincts had been right about her feelings for Jane. He'd seen something in her that she hadn't seen in herself, and he'd been right about it. She couldn't help but wonder: What else might he be right about?


	6. Chapter 6

Rapid footsteps and someone calling her name made Jane pause in the hallway outside her classroom. She turned to see Claire Marks coming her way. "Do you have a minute?" Claire asked when she was standing in front of Jane.

"Sure. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Claire assured her, a bit flummoxed about the fact that that was where Jane's mind immediately went. She supposed it must be left over from her days in homicide. "Me and a couple of my friends are going to the Bitter Bureau for drinks later and I wanted to know if you'd like to come along."

The invitation surprised Jane. True, Claire was the person in Quantico that she was closest with, but the girl was at least ten years her junior. The two of them had been working closely together ever since Jane had arrived, and Jane liked her a lot. Her quick wit and natural aptitude with technology often reminded Jane of Frost, so she felt a certain ambient kinship towards her. They had a good working relationship, but Jane wouldn't exactly consider her a friend.

A large part of her, the part that missed Maura dearly, wanted to reject the offer outright. The only thing she really wanted to do was go home and sit with Maura while she wrote, watching her through the computer screen and savoring the easy intimacy of the quiet hours. Maura still wasn't back to the level of writing production that she had attained in Paris, but neither one of them had expected that she would be able to get there again considering the circumstances. But Maura had emailed Jane the next chapter a week prior, and it was every bit as good as the chapters she'd written in France. Jane had never been so excited to read a book before.

However, Jane had to admit that it sounded appealing to go and meet some people. Prior to coming to Virginia she had often been surrounded by friends and family, and it was something she missed about Boston. For the past several days Maura had taken to trying to convince Jane to "participate in a social event," and Jane did have to agree that it was probably unhealthy to be spending so much time alone in her apartment. True to what Tommy had said, Maura still maintained an active social life, but the same could not be said about Jane. She'd been in Virginia for almost six months now and she still barely knew anyone here except Cameron, and she had intentionally avoided contacting him for companionship. She didn't want him to get the wrong idea and think she was still interested in him. This invitation from Claire was the perfect opportunity to meet people who weren't connected to Agent Davies at all. She only wished it could have come on a night where she didn't have time scheduled out for Maura.

Trying to sound enthusiastic, Jane said to Claire: "Sure, that sounds fun. Thanks."

"Great!" said Claire brightly. "Meet you there around seven, okay?"

"Okay," replied Jane. As Claire walked away, Jane pulled out her cell phone to text Maura. "I'm so sorry, but I have to cancel on you tonight. My TA invited me out for drinks with some people. Did you call her or something?"

The answer came almost immediately. "The timing is rather auspicious, but no. This was all thanks to your wit and charm."

Jane grinned stupidly at her phone. She'd never known anyone other than Maura who would include a word like "auspicious" in a text message. Sometimes it still astounded her how six months of separation had done absolutely nothing to diminish her love for Maura.

She had a video conference with Maura to get her help with picking out an outfit. The first thing she tried was a BPD t-shirt and jeans, but Maura insisted it was far too casual for a first meeting. Then she changed in to one of the suits she would wear to investigate a murder or teach a class and Maura said it was too formal. "Really, Maura?" grumbled Jane irritably. She ripped the blazer off, leaving her in slacks and a collarless shirt. For good measure, she untucked the shirt to give it a less formal look. Then she turned to the camera and spread her arms wide. "Is that better?"

Maura looked her up and down, eyeing her appraisingly. "Yes, much better. You look beautiful."

Turning away from the camera quickly, Jane busied herself with hanging her blazer up in the closet. The compliment hit her like a punch in the gut. Plenty of people had called her beautiful, but she liked the way Maura said it best, because she knew Maura wasn't expecting anything in return. "Thanks," she said as casually as she could. Once she felt collected again, she sat down in front of her laptop to continue the chat. "Listen, I'm really sorry about missing your writing session today. I was looking forward to it."

"Oh, I'm sure you were," said Maura sarcastically. "Jane Rizzoli was looking forward to sitting in silence for two hours."

"Yeah, she was," insisted Jane. "You don't know that by now? I love watching you write, Maura."

"Watching?" asked Maura, surprised. "I thought you were working during that time."

_Shit! Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ "Uhh…" stammered Jane. "I am. But you know me. Short attention span and all." Her backtracking was hasty and unpolished, and Maura was looking at her suspiciously. Deciding that there was nothing she could say that would dig her out of this hole, she chose to bail instead. "Hey, I gotta get going or else I'll be late, and that doesn't make a very good first impression."

"No, it doesn't. Will you text me when you get home?"

"Yeah," agreed Jane. "If it's not too late I'll call you and let you know how it went. Otherwise I'll talk to you in the morning."

"That sounds good. Try to have fun, okay?"

"I will. Bye Maura."

"Bye Jane."

The Bitter Bureau was a typical bar, nearly identical to the Dirty Robber. The jukebox was currently playing a classic rock song, but the music was playing at a volume over which conversation was still possible. The clientele looked to be a good mix of FBI agents and students of the FBI academy. Close to the door was a table of Jane's students and they greeted her merrily as she entered.

"Instructor Rizzoli!" said Kyle Purkitt, looking overjoyed to see her. "Please, join us for a drink!"

"Hey guys. I'd love to, but I'm actually meeting some people."

Just then Claire appeared at Jane's side, and Kyle's face fell in disappointment. "Hey everyone!" said Claire cheerfully. The table of students greeted Claire as rambunctiously as they had greeted Jane. After a polite amount of small talk, Claire said to Jane: "My friends are right over here, Jane."

"I'm gonna head over now. You guys behave, alright? I might not be a cop anymore but I'll still kick your asses if you step outta line," said Jane, pointing at her students threateningly.

Claire threaded her arm through Jane's affectionately and led her to a booth at the back of the bar. Seated there were two other people, a man and a woman. They both looked to be about Jane's age. "Guys, this is Jane Rizzoli. Jane, these are my friends Jason Johnson and Abigail Reed."

"Nice to meet you," said Jane as she shook their hands.

"Same to you," said Abigail. "Can we buy you a drink?"

"A beer would be great, thanks." After Jason had hopped up to go to the bar, Jane turned her attention to Abigail. "So how do you two know Claire?"

"She and I go way back," explained Abigail. "We met in the Sioux City Police Department. We worked the same beat."

"Wow. Are you in the FBI, too?"

"I am. I work in the fraud division. I gave Claire a reference when she applied here."

"And Jason is her husband," said Claire as the man returned with Jane's beer. "He's a medical examiner."

Jane almost spit out the first sip she took. "No shit?" she said after swallowing. "What jurisdiction?"

"Washington DC," replied Jason. "I work with the DC Police Department. Claire says you were a detective before you came here?"

"Yeah, in the homicide unit back in Boston. My best friend is a medical examiner, too. That's how I met her."

"What's her name? Maybe I know her," said Jason, taking a swig from his own bottle.

"Dr. Maura Isles. She's the…"

But the rest of what she was going to say was cut off when Jason started choking on his beer. " _The_ Maura Isles? The Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts?" he coughed.

"Yeah," said Jane with a sly grin. "Sounds like you know her."

"She's my hero. I saw her give the keynote address at the Blunt Force Injuries Symposium a few years ago. I learned more from her speech than I did in an entire semester of classes in med school."

Affection warming her chest, Jane said, "Yeah, that's Maura. She's the smartest person I know."

Trying to sound nonchalant, Jason asked, "Is she, um, planning to visit you at some point? I'd love to meet her."

Looking at Abigail, Jane commented flatly, "Isn't he your husband? You gonna sit here and listen to him fawn over another woman like that?"

"That depends," said Abigail thoughtfully. "Is she pretty?"

"She's gorgeous," replied Jane promptly.

Abigail seemed to consider this, then shrugged. "It's fine. I trust him."

Reaching over, Jason draped his arm around his wife's shoulders and kissed her on the top of the head. Jane thought it was one of the sweetest things she'd ever seen.

They continued to talk and drink. Soon Jane was entertaining everyone with stories of some of the most bizarre homicides she'd seen in her tenure as a detective.

"So you really found a body in a _church_ while your nephew was being _baptized_?" asked Claire incredulously.

"Uh huh. We're all fighting and yelling in front of my childhood priest, and then suddenly Maura is telling me she smells decomposition. It's like once your life is wrapped up in murder, it finds you everywhere you go."

"How awful," commented Abigail. "I could never do it. And I could never do what Jason does, either."

"You get used to it," said Jane as she finished her third beer. "I mean, you get used to the bodies. But you never get used to the brutality of it all. Decomposition is natural. Murder is not."

"Well said," Jason agreed. "I'd clink glasses with you but it looks like you're empty. Want another?"

"Yeah, but you're not getting it for me. Anyone else want one? This round's on me."

On her way to the bar Jane made a stop at the restroom. As she washed her hands she realized she was actually having a nice time. She pulled her phone out to text Maura that information, squinting a little at the screen through her tipsy haze.

"Stop texting me while you're socializing with other people," Maura scolded her in reply. "Focus, Jane. Make friends."

"You're not jealous, are you?"

"Why would I be jealous?"

"Because I'm making other friends."

"No, I'm not jealous," was Maura's reply. "I know perfectly well how much I mean to you."

Jane thought: _You sure about that?_

"A lot. That's what you mean. A whole friggin lot," she wrote back. It took her several tries to get all the spelling right, especially since she had to battle her autocorrect on the word "friggin."

At the bar she ran in to Kyle and he tried to engage her in conversation, but she was distracted by Maura's return text. "It's probably not half as much as you mean to me. Please don't reply to this message. Go have fun."

She returned her attention to Kyle just in time to see him paying for her beer— _only_ her beer. The bartender took Jane's money for the other beer sitting on the bar, the one she was bringing back for Claire. "Um, thanks," she said, annoyed with herself that she hadn't stopped him before he'd managed to pull that off.

"You're welcome," he replied with a smile, pushing the bottle over to her.

"See you on Monday." Without another word, she picked up the two beers and went back to the table. She made sure to give the one he'd purchased to Claire instead.

An hour and two more beers later Abigail and Jason headed out, leaving Claire and Jane alone at the table. Jane was officially drunk. She sat there with her chin in her hand, turning her nearly-empty bottle over and over in her hands so that the ridges on the bottom clicked satisfyingly against the wooden table-top. The bar was starting to empty out now. Her students had left already. But Jane felt content to sit there for a while, enjoying her warm, drunken state and the pleasant company of the girl across from her, who she was newly regarding as a friend.

"Do you miss Boston?" Claire asked suddenly. She, too, was a bit beyond tipsy.

"I miss my family," answered Jane. "And I really miss Maura."

"Forgive me if I'm totally off about this, but your friend Maura… Are you and her…"

Jane remembered belatedly that Claire was a lesbian. She hadn't thought about it even once since she'd so casually announced it in class that day. "No," Jane said inelegantly.

"I'm sorry for assuming," said Claire quickly. "It's just that the way you talked about her, I thought maybe you might be."

_She's a lesbian_ , thought Jane. _I really need to talk to someone about this, and she would understand._

"I'm in love with her," she blurted, and it felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her spirit the instant she did. Face warming with embarrassment, she laughed and dropped her head on to the table. "Holy shit. I've never actually said that out loud."

Claire reached over and drunkenly patted the back of her head. "S'okay," she slurred. "Your secret's safe with me. You wanna talk about it?"

"Yes," said Jane, straightening up again and getting to her feet. "But we'll need more beer."

Once fresh beers had been obtained, Jane spent the next quarter of an hour singing the praises of Dr. Maura Isles, the world's smartest, funniest, sweetest, goofiest, sexiest, weirdest, most beautiful woman. The accolades seemed to pour out of her mouth like word vomit, a fact that she mentioned to Claire and said that Maura did the same thing, so it made her feel closer to Maura that she was experiencing it.

"Maura can go on and on about the most boring and weird and gross and obscure things you've ever heard, and I can barely follow it but I listen anyway because I _always_ listen to her. But there's only one thing I know well enough to go on and on like that about, and it's her."

Then she explained the reasons why there was no way she could ever tell Maura how she felt, because she couldn't afford to risk her friendship, because she didn't want to hurt her, and because Maura was straight as an arrow. She told Claire about how Maura was always embarrassingly open and honest about her sexuality, so much so that Jane was positive that if Maura was interested in women, she'd know about it. But Maura hadn't mentioned it, so it couldn't be the case.

By the end of her rant Claire was looking at her with tender sadness, a frown on her lips. "I'm so sorry, Jane. I know how hard it is to be in love with your best friend. It happened to me in high school too, back before I knew I was gay."

"I'm not gay," protested Jane. "At least I don't think I am. I just love Maura, that's all. Is that weird?"

"I don't think so. But I'm no expert. Are you sure, though? I mean, how straight can you be if you want to have sex with your female best friend?"

Jane recoiled at the crude wording, hiding behind her beer bottle. "It's not about that. I mean, yeah, okay. I want to… do that. With her. But it's not… It's _more_. I love her, you know? Have you ever been in love before?"

"Yeah," answered Claire.

"Who was she?"

"My ex-girlfriend Liz. She was my best friend in high school."

The clues fell into place in Jane's drunken brain. "Wait, so, you managed to actually get together with your best friend?"

"It took a long time, but yes. We were together for ten years before we broke up."

" _Ten years!_ " yelled Jane, making several people look around in surprise. "Damn, Claire, what the hell happened?"

Alcohol-fueled tears welled in Claire's eyes. "I wanted to go to the FBI academy. She finally made detective after seven years of being in uniform. I didn't want her to give up her dreams for me, and she didn't want me to give up mine for her. We tried to be long distance for a while but it was too hard. We couldn't fully immerse ourselves in our separate lives when our hearts were still focused on each other. We weren't giving our aspirations the attention they needed. The only thing we could do was break up. In a year when I'm a full agent I'll request to be relocated back to Iowa."

"Will she still… I mean, do you still love each other?"

"Of course we do," said Claire emphatically. "You know as well as I do that love like that doesn't go away, not even with hundreds of miles between you. She'll wait for me. I know she will."

An hour later, Jane stumbled home and fell into bed, wasted and lighthearted. Before passing out she grabbed her phone and carefully texted Maura: "Home. Maximum drunk. Goodnight Maura."

As she was drifting off her phone vibrated. It said, "Goodnight, Jane. HYDRATE!"

Jane fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

In the morning she recounted the events of the evening to Maura via Skype, leaving out her personal conversation with Claire. "I'm glad you had fun," Maura said.

"Me too. When you come visit you gotta meet Jason. I think he's got a crush on you."

"Is he cute?"

"Super cute," replied Jane. "The cutest thing about him is his wedding ring."

Maura laughed and sipped her coffee. "Speaking of cute, you haven't mentioned Agent Davies in a while," she said in an off-hand tone.

"That's because I haven't seen him in a while. You really think I'd be seeing somebody and not tell you about it?"

"No, I don't think that," Maura assured her. "I was merely curious why you haven't pursued your relationship with him. I think you've established yourself there well enough to start things back up again, don't you?"

"To be honest Maura, I'm not interested in him. I thought I was, but I'm not," said Jane boldly. Her talk with Claire the night before had made her realize that it was pointless to pretend she was interested in romance with anyone else. This love for Maura wasn't going to go away, and Jane was going to have to live with that for the rest of her life. Maybe in another few years she'd be able to compartmentalize enough to consider settling down with someone other than Maura, but right now it would be less miserable to embrace her unrequited love for Maura than it would be to act like she cared about a lover. Plus it would be too unfair to any potential partner to lead them into thinking she could ever have room in her heart for anyone other than Maura Isles.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Maura.

"He's not really my type. I'm done dating these cop-slash-military-slash-federal agent guys. They're always too busy trying to be macho, and they have too much baggage. I don't have time for that—I've got my own damn baggage. I'd rather enjoy the single life instead."

Though this news made Maura quite happy, she managed to contain her reaction. "There's nothing wrong with that," she said. "And it certainly sounds like you enjoyed that life last night."

"I did. I really did. But I'm still sorry I missed writing time. Do you want to do it tonight instead?"

"Will you be watching me again?" asked Maura, a twinkle in her eye that Jane was tempted to describe as flirtatious.

"Of course," said Jane, grateful that her awkward gaffe from the day before was being used in jest by Maura. It meant Maura didn't mind that she'd essentially caught Jane staring at her. "I need to make sure you're finishing that book. I gotta know who did it, Maura."

Flattered, Maura said, "I could just tell you, you know. The killer…"

"Stop-stop-stop! Don't you dare!" shouted Jane frantically, waving her arms in front of the camera. "Shut your mouth right now!"

"Okay, okay," laughed Maura. "No spoilers, then. I can't believe you haven't figured it out, though."

Jane replied, "Me either. You know what it means that I can't solve your mystery, right?"

"What?"

"It means you'd make an absolutely _terrifying_ murderer."

Rolling her eyes, Maura said, "Jane..."

"I'm serious. All I'm saying is, thank god you're on my side."


	7. Chapter 7

The next Collector victim's body partially confirmed Maura's hypothesis about his method and motive. The young woman's ribs had been split, but no organs had been taken. Instead the killer had cut off the top of her head with a bone saw and neatly removed her brain. It was as though he'd looked for something he wanted in her chest cavity and then, finding nothing of interest, tried her head instead. It was like he was shopping for the freshest meat at the grocery store. Even Frankie had a hard time looking at the body. His face was pale as he stood there waiting for Maura to deliver her assessments.

"This is professional-quality work," said Maura thoughtfully as she examined the dissected skull. "Whoever did this is skilled with the saw. There are no hesitation marks, and no stray cuts."

"So we're looking for someone who's professionally skilled with a bone saw?" asked Nina, who had recently been assigned as Frankie's new partner after some personnel shifts in the homicide department. This was only Nina's third case since her re-assignment, and she was eager to do a good job.

"I'd say so," said Maura. "It's unlikely that anyone who's this good with the saw would not have years of experience with it. They're not easy to use."

"Are you this good with one?" teased Frankie.

"Yes," answered Maura, seemingly unaware that he was teasing her. "But I assure you I didn't commit this murder. You can check with your sister; she's my alibi. This woman was killed approximately eighteen hours ago, and I was helping Jane pick out an outfit for her night at the bar at the time."

Frankie raised his eyebrows. "Jane went to a bar last night?"

"She did. She had a nice time, too."

"Wait, she went to the bar _last night_ and you already know how it went? It's nine in the morning, Maura."

Checking her watch, Maura agreed: "Yes, it is. We have coffee together in the mornings, Frankie. It's not that strange."

Frankie and Nina exchanged glances. He couldn't help being a little concerned. He wasn't stupid. He knew how hung up his sister was on Maura. It couldn't be healthy for the two of them to be spending so much time together even though they were living in two different states, could it? If Jane had moved away to get over Maura as he suspected may be the case, then why wasn't she making an effort to do that?

The body was brought back to the morgue and Maura performed the autopsy. From the body they retrieved another boot print, but there wasn't any new information they could glean from the victim. For the rest of the day Maura mulled over the case, deeply saddened that the BPD hadn't been able to stop the killer before he struck again. She was frustrated that she couldn't help them more than she already had. By the end of the day she was tired of thinking about it and instead focused on her upcoming cooking date with Tommy and TJ.

On her way home she stopped at the butcher shop again. It was close to closing time so Maura was the only customer in the store. The butcher, an older gentleman, had his back to her when she entered, and he was doing something on his cutting counter. As she approached, she could see he was carefully wrapping up a partially-frozen brain. Maura stopped dead in her tracks, cold fear washing over her.

She'd seen plenty of brains, bovine, porcine, and human, and that was _definitely_ a human brain.

She looked down at the man's feet. He was wearing tan, non-slip Timberland boots.

The butcher turned at the sound of the door closing behind her. Too soon for Maura to hide her shock and horror, they made eye contact, and realization came over his face. He could tell that Maura had figured him out. Panicking, she reached into her purse for her cell phone as she turned to leave the store at a run. As she frantically searched for her phone, she heard the door to the butcher shop open behind her, and she heard the heavy footsteps of the man running after her.

She had just managed to pull her phone out of her purse when there was a blinding pain in the side of her head, and everything went black.

* * *

Maura wasn't at home when Tommy and TJ arrived. In fact the house was locked and all the lights were off. As Tommy tried her cell phone, TJ played with his toy helicopter in the front yard. When the call went straight to voicemail, Tommy began to feel worried.

He dialed a different number, and this time his call was answered on the second ring. "What's up, bro?" said Frankie.

"Hey, you seen Maura? We're supposed to make dinner but her house is locked and she's not here."

"She stopped by to deliver some test results and said she was leaving about fifteen minutes ago," Frankie answered. There was a pause as he told Nina, who was nearby eavesdropping, what was going on. "Did you try her cell?" he asked Tommy.

"Yeah, no answer."

"I'll ping it," said Nina, putting her cheek next to Frankie's so Tommy would hear her. Then she sat down at her former station in BRIC and began typing rapidly. A moment later she announced: "I'm not getting a response."

"What does that mean?" asked Tommy, who Frankie now had on speakerphone.

"It means the signal from her phone isn't hitting on any cell towers, so it's either off or broken," Nina explained.

Frankie asked, "Was she going to make any stops on the way home?"

"We were going to make beef stew and she always gets fresh meat from the butcher's shop downtown, so she probably went there," Tommy replied. "You guys know Maura is never late. I got a bad feeling about this."

"Me too," said Frankie. "I'm gonna go look for her. You hang tight. I'll let you know when I find her."

* * *

When Maura awoke she was alone, cold, and in the worst pain she'd felt in a long time. Her head throbbed miserably, worse than it had when she'd had her concussion after the Alice Sands shooting. She could barely move for the pain.

Keeping completely still, she forced herself to take stock of her body and her surroundings. Without opening her eyes, she shifted her focus from her head to the rest of her facilities. Her left shoulder hurt—she supposed she must have fallen on it when she was knocked out. She was still wearing all her clothes, and she was completely sure he hadn't sexually assaulted her while she was unconscious. As far as she could tell, she must not have been out long enough for anything really bad to happen yet.

Forcing her eyes open, she brought her wrist up and looked at her watch. It confirmed that she couldn't have been unconscious for more than ten minutes. Then she examined the room where she was being kept.

No wonder she was cold—she was on the floor of the walk-in meat freezer in the butcher shop. She supposed the Collector must have dragged her in here until he could close up the shop and take her somewhere more secluded to rape and murder her. If he got a thrill out of killing women, she doubted he'd keep her here long enough to freeze to death, which meant there was still an upcoming opportunity for her to escape.

Strangely enough, it was good that she was in the freezer. The cold was working as a painkiller on her aching head, and soon she felt well enough to sit up and consider her options. She stood and tried the door without much hope, and was unsurprised to discover that it was padlocked from the outside. Anything she could use as a weapon had been taken from her, including her stiletto heels and the pins in her hair.

In the freezer there were several large animal carcasses hanging from the ceiling, and on the floor nearby she saw something that made her heart leap with hope—a bag of frozen pig's blood. It was about the size of a standard blood transfusion bag, small enough to easily hide on her person but too small to use as a weapon. She snatched it up quickly and set to work gnawing a hole in it, then she tucked it under her shirt and in to her armpit, hoping to warm it up before the butcher came back. After concluding there was nothing else she could use, she returned to her previous spot on the floor and curled up against the cold, bringing her knees up to her chest and pretending to be unconscious.

By the time her captor returned she was shivering violently but she didn't let on that she was awake. The man bodily picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, her head hanging near his chest. Maura continued to pretend to be sleeping, willing her body to remain limp, but in the confusion of movement she managed to squeeze the bag of warmed blood so that it dripped slowly under the sleeve of her shirt, down her arm, off her fingers and on to the floor. Because he was so concerned with not being caught, the man didn't notice as the droplets left a trail behind him.

Because she kept her eyes squeezed shut Maura had no idea where he brought her except that at some point they went down a flight of stairs. Several long minutes later she was dropped unceremoniously on to a concrete floor. She let out a whimper of pain. Then she screamed and was forced to give up her act when he hit her across the face— _hard_.

"You got a history of heart disease?" the butcher snarled.

"Yes," lied Maura, realizing that she must be capable of doing so in life-or-death situations.

Her answer didn't seem to matter at him at all. He had a large, sharp knife pressed against Maura's throat. Then he began to wriggle against her, and Maura felt sick horror overtake her as she understood what he was about to do.

Without thinking, she brought a knee up and slammed it as hard as she could against his groin. Then she squirmed against him and managed to free one of her arms, the pig's blood serving as a helpful lubricant. Immediately she drove the base of her palm upwards against his face, shattering his nose.

He bellowed with rage and pain, but his injuries weren't enough to make him get off of her. Instead he decided to skip the first part of his plan and move right on to the murder. One of his knees pressed against Maura's stomach as he put almost all of his considerable weight on her, and she screamed in pain as one of her lower ribs cracked from the pressure. Infuriated too much to waste time strangling her, he raised the knife, preparing to drive it in to Maura's chest.

Even in her terror over her impending death, Maura thought of Jane and felt a horrible pang of regret. Whatever feelings she may have for Jane and whatever they may mean, it was too late to figure it out now. She only hoped that Jane would have a happy life after she was gone.

Then two gunshots rang out, loud and echoing in the concrete room, and the butcher collapsed fully on top of Maura, the knife clattering as it fell to the ground beside her. Seconds later he was pushed away and Maura felt relief wash over her as she recognized her rescuer.

"Frankie!" she gasped. Her broken rib was making it hard to breathe—she was certain that her lung was perforated.

"Jesus Christ, Maura, are you okay?"

"No. Ambulance. Now."

Frankie did as she asked, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. Once he'd called for backup and medical assistance, he returned his full attention to Maura. "Don't die, okay?" he begged. "Please don't die."

"Perforated lung," she whispered deliriously. "Not fatal… If treated… In time."

"Stop talking, you idiot," he snapped, brushing her hair away from her forehead. Then he leaned down and kissed it. His cheek was scratchy against her skin.

Maura agreed with the advice, but she needed to make something clear first. "Jane. Tell her… Please come..."

"I will. I will as soon as we're all set here, okay?"

"Thank you."

When the paramedics arrived, Frankie followed Maura's stretcher to the ambulance, listening as she wheezed out her injuries to the EMTs in specific medical terms. They looked taken aback, and Frankie couldn't help but chuckle. He doubted they'd ever had a patient quite like Dr. Maura Isles. He grabbed the attention of one of them and added: "She had a head injury before, a bad one. She had brain surgery. Make sure they check her head real good, okay?"

"You got it, Detective," replied the paramedic.

He climbed into the ambulance and held her hand the entire way to the hospital. It hadn't been his intention to do so, but Cavanaugh had showed up and insisted he ride with her. "Jane and your mother will never forgive me if they find out I let Maura go to the hospital alone," Cavanaugh groused. "You did good work here, Frankie. Get going. We'll get your statement later."

"Thank you, sir," said Frankie in response to both the favor and the compliment he'd been given.

Once Maura had been wheeled into the emergency room, Frankie went to the waiting area, took a deep breath, and called Jane.

"Hey Frankie," Jane said jovially when she answered. "Long time no speak."

"Jane, you need to come home. Maura's hurt. We think it was the Collector."

Jane's knees gave out and she sank down on her couch. " _What_?"

"She's alive, Jane. I got there in time and I shot the guy. We're at the hospital now."

"What happened?" Jane's voice was weaker and raspier than usual.

"I don't know yet. It just happened about ten minutes ago. All I know is she was supposed to be having dinner with Tommy but she didn't show up and she wasn't answering her phone so he called me. He said she was going to the butcher's so I went to see if she was there. I found some stuff of hers outside the shop—her lipstick, and the back panel of her cell phone. I guess she must have dropped it when he grabbed her."

Jane groaned with misery, but Frankie ignored her and kept talking.

"I busted the door in and there was this trail of blood on the floor. I followed it to the basement and he was… He was on top of her."

Gasping sharply, Jane said, " _No!_ "

"We're sure she wasn't raped, Jane. I think she musta hit him, because his face was all bloody. Anyway, I shot him. He's dead."

"Was she conscious? Did she say anything?"

"Yes, but she was in a lot of pain. Mostly she wanted to make sure I called you." He paused. "I think she's gonna be okay, Jane, but you should come home. She told me to tell you to come."

Taking several deep, calming breaths, Jane said, "I'll be there soon." And then she hung up.

After taking some time to rub his eyes, Frankie began calling the rest of his family one by one, starting with Nina. He knew it was selfish, but after the events of the last twenty minutes, he needed her. The sooner she got here, the better.

An hour later the whole Rizzoli family aside from Jane was gathered in the waiting room. Tommy was sitting with Nina and Frankie while Angela was entertaining TJ by buying him treats from the vending machine. Angela's face was wet with tears, and TJ was gripping her hand tightly. "Look at him," said Tommy fondly. "He knows something's up. And he keeps asking me about Maura. He wants to know why we didn't cook today."

"He's very bright," said Nina, leaning her head against Frankie's shoulder. "You're doing a great job with him."

"Thanks," said Tommy, looking a little bashful.

"And you did a good thing calling me today, too," said Frankie. "If it wasn't for you, Maura would be dead."

"I didn't do anything. That was all you, bro," argued Tommy.

"Not true. Plenty of people would have left without doing anything, but you followed your Rizzoli gut. To tell the truth, you showed a cop's instincts today."

Tommy didn't think he'd ever blushed so hard in his life. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he repeated: "Thanks." Silence fell in the group for a bit, and then he spoke again. "What did Jane say?"

"Not much," said Frankie. "Just that she'll be here ' _soon._ ' I think she's gonna pull some FBI strings to get here faster."

"Yeah, I bet she is." Tommy glanced over at his brother and future sister-in-law. "About Jane and Maura… Anyone else think there's something there?"

"Uh huh," said Frankie.

"Most definitely," added Nina.

"Cool," said Tommy. "Glad I'm not crazy."

"I been thinking about that, actually," said Frankie, crossing his arms over his chest. "You think that's why she left? I know she had the job, but Korsak's spot was opening up and she woulda had that in the bag."

"I hope that's not why she left," said Nina with a sigh.

Looking down at her, Frankie asked, "Why?"

"Because I don't like to think that Jane Rizzoli would do something so cowardly," replied Nina.

The doors to the ER opened and a doctor in a white coat came out. "Family of Dr. Maura Isles?"

"That's us," said Angela eagerly as she and the rest of the family gathered around.

"We've got her stabilized. She's going to be just fine," he informed them, and there was a moment while everyone celebrated and hugged each other in relief. After they were ready to listen again, the doctor continued: "She sustained a fracture to her fifth rib on her left side that perforated her left lung, causing it to partially collapse. We've placed a chest tube between her ribs to let the air drain out, and we'll need to admit her for about two to three days to allow for that to continue. After that she'll require respiratory therapy to aid in recovery and to help prevent complications like pneumonia."

"What about her head injury?" asked Frankie anxiously. "You know she had brain surgery, right?"

"The blow she sustained to her temple was on the opposite side of her head to her prior brain trauma. This injury didn't cause any internal bleeding, and though she does have a minor concussion, it's not serious. We ran an MRI to be sure, but we're confident it won't cause any long-term issues."

"Thank god," said Angela heavily. "Oh, what a relief."

"Indeed," agreed the doctor. "I've worked with Dr. Isles at the MEND clinic a few times. She's a very talented physician. She will have an uncomfortable few weeks, but I'm confident she will make a full recovery."

"Is she awake? Can we see her?" asked Tommy.

The doctor scribbled a room number on a scrap of paper. "We've moved her upstairs. We only allow two visitors in the room at once, but you are all welcome to remain in the waiting area on the third floor for as long as you like."

The whole family piled on to an elevator, and then Frankie and Tommy went into the room to see Maura. She'd been cleaned up and was no longer covered in blood, but she was pale and obviously exhausted from her ordeal. There was a tube sticking out from a hole in her hospital gown, and she was awake but struggling to keep her eyes open. Tommy and Frankie went to either side of her bed, each taking a hand. "Hey, Doc," said Frankie softly. "How you feeling?"

"Peachy," Maura muttered, and the two Rizzolis chuckled. Maura turned her eyes to Tommy pleadingly and asked timidly, "Is Jane coming?"

Frankie thought it was odd that Maura asked Tommy this question considering the fact that she'd asked _him_ to call Jane, not Tommy.

"Yeah," Tommy assured her. "She's FBI. She won't have to move mountains to get here, but you know she would if she had to, right?"

"I know," said Maura, and then she closed her eyes and fell asleep, secure in the knowledge that Jane was on her way.

As the two brothers left the room, Frankie eyed Tommy suspiciously. "What do you know?" he said.

Frowning, Tommy said, "I can't tell you. I promised I wouldn't say anything."

Accepting this, Frankie reached over and patted his brother on the back. "I like this new, adult Tommy. Fatherhood looks good on you."


	8. Chapter 8

After hanging up with Frankie, Jane went on autopilot. It was a defense mechanism designed to keep from freaking out before she could afford to freak out. She'd honed the skill over her years as a homicide detective, but she'd hoped she would never need it again. Foolish, maybe, but a girl can dream.

The first thing she did was call Agent Davies. She explained that she needed to get home as soon as possible because Maura was hurt and asked for him to help arrange a seat on whichever plane was scheduled to take off next. He agreed to help at once, then chuckled and said, "I think I just figured out why you blew me off."

"Cameron, we can have a long chat about this when I get back to Quantico if you want, but right now I really need you to do this for me, okay?"

"Don't worry, Jane. Head for the airport now. There will be a plane waiting for you by the time you get there."

"Thank you," said Jane, although she felt the words were inadequate to express her monumental gratitude.

Next she called Claire and repeated the situation, then asked if she would mind taking over her classes for a few days. "Sure, Jane, whatever you need," said Claire. "And please call me if you need anything else."

"I will, thank you."

Jane went in to her bedroom, dumped the contents of her school bag out on her bed, and began repacking it with clothes, toiletries, and her cell phone charger. Then she left her apartment without a backwards glance. It was the tail end of rush hour and traffic on the highway was heavy. She gripped her steering wheel tightly and wished she was driving a cop car with flashing lights and a siren. A large part of her wanted to risk it and drive on the shoulder all the way to her exit, but she resisted the urge by thinking about how much Maura would disapprove of that.

 _Oh god, Maura_ , thought Jane, a wave of agony overtaking her.

Frankie's words kept echoing in her head: "She's alive, Jane." They were both comforting and terrifying at the same time. Maura was alive, but she was injured badly enough that Frankie had needed to specify. He hadn't said "She's okay." He'd said "She's alive."

Nausea roiled in her gut as the stop and go traffic seemed to mock her with its slowness, and by the time she finally got to the airport she felt weak and shaky. Realizing what was about to happen, she hurried to the closest trash can and lost the contents of her stomach. Several passersby stopped to ask if she was okay, but she ignored them all, instead focusing on trying to keep the world from spinning off its axis.

"Jane Rizzoli?" asked a voice behind her, and Jane turned to see a short, blonde female in a crisp, well-tailored suit. There was an FBI badge pinned to her chest. "I'm Agent Margot Russo. Agent Davies asked me to charter a flight to Boston for you. If you'll come with me we can be off the ground in ten minutes."

Agent Russo was as good as her word, and soon Jane was staring unseeingly out the window as the small plane cleared the cloud ceiling.

The Collector was the most brutal murderer Maura had ever encountered in her tenure as Chief Medical Examiner. That's what Maura had told her earlier that day after finding the woman whose brain had been taken. And he'd put his filthy, revolting hands on _her_ Maura. Maura, who was sweet and innocent and kind and generous and brilliant and beautiful and perfect. Maura had never hurt a soul. How could anyone do this to her?

Tears welled in Jane's eyes, and since she had a two hour flight ahead of her, she let them come. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably, terrified and heartbroken.

What if Maura died? What if Jane had already missed her chance to say goodbye? What if their morning coffee date had been the last time she'd see Maura alive, and Jane had wasted it by teasing Maura and telling her she'd make a good criminal?

For the first time, Jane realized that these feelings she had for Maura didn't belong to her-at least not exclusively. They had nothing to do with Jane, and everything to do with Maura. Jane couldn't keep them to herself anymore. It wasn't fair to Maura. It was dishonest, and it was disrespectful. Every instinct was warning Jane not to tell Maura, but after this incident it would be wrong to continue hiding how she really felt. She had no right to any privacy in this matter. She had no right to this love.

As the plane was landing at Boston Logan, Jane felt dread creep in right alongside her terror. She could only hope that Maura would understand that there were no expectations that went along with her confession; that it was only a matter of honesty and integrity.

She thanked Agent Russo for the ride and then headed to the airport exit, walking fast and dodging around the other meandering passengers. Once she'd gotten outside, she made a beeline for the line of taxis parked nearby. She was halfway there when once again she heard someone yelling her name, and she turned to find Korsak headed her way. "Vince!" she said, surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?"

"Picking you up," he replied, and then he went in for a hug without asking. Jane returned it wholeheartedly. "Maura is going to be fine," he said succinctly. "I just talked to Angela."

Jane felt tension seep out of her like a wet sponge being wrung out, and she felt Korsak reach out to support her as she nearly collapsed. "Thank god," she said shakily. "Oh, thank god."

"I'll bring you to the hospital. Frankie lent me his unmarked, and I'm pretty sure I remember how to use the bells and whistles."

"It's a crime to impersonate a cop, Vince," said Jane weakly, finally feeling up to making a small joke.

"I impersonated a cop for 30 years and never got caught. Why stop now?"

They made record time getting to the hospital, and Jane even managed to enjoy the nostalgic feeling of cars moving aside before them like Moses parting the Red Sea. Korsak pulled the car around the front of the building to drop her off before parking the car. Jane hopped out with a quick, "Thanks Korsak," before slamming the door, swinging the bag over her shoulder, and running inside. Too impatient to wait for an elevator, she took the stairs to the third floor and found herself right in front of the waiting area where almost her entire family was hanging around. "Hey!" she said.

"Holy shit, Jane," said Tommy, astonished to see her. "What did you do, teleport here?"

"Being FBI has its perks. Is she awake?"

"Yeah. Ma's in there with her now," said Frankie. "She's in 314."

"Don't leave, okay?" Jane said, pointing at Frankie while walking backwards in the direction of Maura's room. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Frankie assured her, and she turned and headed swiftly down the hall with a determined, focused stride.

Maura heard Jane coming from all the way down the hall, recognizing the sound of her footfalls. When she appeared in the doorway, Maura felt all her pain and exhaustion evaporate instantaneously. They looked at one another in silence, taking each other in.

"Hey, Maur," Jane said.

"Hi Jane," replied Maura.

"How are you?"

"I've certainly been better," said Maura with a wry smile.

Jane returned the smile, her vision swimming with tears. She stepped into the room and sat down gingerly on the bed beside Maura, taking one of her hands in both of her own. "What did that bastard do to you?" she rasped, managing to contain the anger in her voice.

"I have a minor concussion, but before you ask it didn't effect the same area as my chiari malformation so I won't see any resurgences of those symptoms. And I have a broken rib which punctured and partially collapsed my left lung."

Letting out a slow breath, Jane swallowed and said, "I'm so sorry, Maura."

"For what?" asked Maura kindly, running her thumb over the back of Jane's hand. "Please don't tell me you're somehow blaming yourself for this."

"No, I'm not," said Jane. "But I'm still sorry. Just a general kind of sorry. Nothing specific."

"Well, your non-specific apology is non-specifically accepted."

A throat clearing made Jane jump and look around in surprise, and Maura repressed a laugh in deference to her injuries. Angela was seated on a chair beside the bed. Jane hadn't even noticed her sitting there.

"Are you going to say hello to your mother or do I have to be in a hospital bed to merit your attention?" Angela asked sarcastically.

Standing and releasing Maura's hand, Jane reached out to hug her mother. "Hey, Ma."

"Hi Janie." Withdrawing from the hug, Angela began gathering her purse and her jacket. "I'll leave you two alone for a while. How long are you staying?"

"I really hadn't thought about it, Ma," said Jane, embarrassed. "I dropped everything and came running. A few days maybe?" The true answer was that she'd stay as long as Maura wanted her to.

"Well, feel free to sit with her as long as you want," Angela said, patting her on the cheek. "I'll be waiting outside whenever you're ready to go home."

 _Home_. Meaning Maura's house.

Angela left the room and Jane occupied her vacated seat, pulling it closer to the bedside and taking Maura's hand again. "Do you feel up to telling me what happened?" she asked.

"Mentally, yes. Physically, no. My ribs really hurt," Maura confessed.

A pang of sympathetic pain went through Jane, and she couldn't resist raising Maura's hand to kiss the back of it. This wasn't the time to be concerned about maintaining a friendly distance. Lowering their clasped hands, she said, "What can I do?"

"You're already doing it. Seeing you brings a rush of oxytocin and dopamine to my system, and studies have shown that those chemicals have the effect of dulling the pain receptors in the brain."

Jane smiled at her, lovesick and filled with affection. "In that case, look all you want."

"Thank you for coming, Jane."

"You don't have to thank me for that. Anything you need, just say the word."

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course."

It only took about fifteen minutes for Maura's breathing to even out, and Jane rose from the chair to stand near her. She reached out and gently ran her hand through soft, blonde hair, brushing it away from her face. Then she bent over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, lingering for several long, guilty seconds. Forcing herself to pull away, she left the room and went to rejoin her family.

Everyone looked up at her as she approached. "How's she doing?" Nina asked, knowing that whatever the doctors said, only Jane would truly know the answer to that question.

"She's okay. She's sleeping," Jane informed the group.

"Finally," said Tommy. "She's been drifting in and out, but she wouldn't let herself really fall asleep until you got here."

Jane chuckled. "She's the stupidest genius I know. Frankie, you got time to talk?"

"Yeah," Frankie said, rising from his chair. The two of them headed down to the cafeteria, got cups of coffee, and found a secluded booth. Over the next fifteen minutes, Frankie filled Jane in on all the events of the day in complete detail. After he had finished, he said, "This is the third guy I ever killed, you know." His gaze darkened and he balled his fists on the table until his knuckles were white. "But this is the first time I don't regret it."

Jane rose from her seat, pulled him up out of his, and brought him in for the firmest, tightest hug she'd ever given him. "Thank you, Frankie," she rasped, getting choked up but fighting it as best she could. "Thank you so, so much. I can never repay you for this."

"You can," Frankie replied. He pushed her away to arm's length, keeping his hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eye. "All you gotta do is let yourself be happy, in whatever form that takes. And if Maura happens to be a big part of that, well, that's all for the better if you ask me."

At this, Jane shook her head. "I can't promise you that, Frankie. I don't think it's possible."

"It's possible, Jane. And if you think it's not, _you're_ the stupidest genius I know."

The hospital sent Maura home two days later, after they removed the tube from her abdomen. The doctors tried to brief her on wound care and scar prevention but Maura wanted to go home so badly that she waved them off tiredly, assuring them that she knew everything there was to know about wounds, "both mortal and non-mortal." Jane and Tommy, who were there to bring her home, laughed uproariously. "That's our Maura," said Tommy affectionately. He was standing behind Maura's wheelchair, ready to roll her out of the hospital, and he reached out to ruffle her blonde hair.

"Dude," hissed Jane, slapping his hand away. "Don't mess up her hair!"

"Thank you, Jane," said Maura with obvious relief, glad she didn't have to waste painful breath on yelling at Tommy.

It wasn't easy to get Maura home. She tried to hide it, but she was definitely in miserable agony from her injuries. Jane knew from experience how much broken ribs hurt, and she was humbled by how gracefully Maura was handling it. If it had been her, she'd have been whining and complaining up a storm. But Maura simply gritted her teeth and repeatedly thanked everyone for their help and for taking such good care of her.

Once Maura was home, Jane and the other Rizzolis worked together to set her up on the couch with everything she could ever want or need. They supplied her with blankets, pillows, water bottles, crackers, magazines and medical journals. After a few hours everyone else left, leaving Maura in Jane's capable hands.

"I took the liberty of DVRing every boring documentary I could find while you were in the hospital," said Jane, presenting her with the television remote. "I think there's one about the history of metalworking in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania that you might find absolutely _riveting_."

Maura had to work hard to contain her laughter. "Please stop," she groaned, a wan smile on her lips.

"Sorry," said Jane with a lopsided grin. "Couldn't resist. I also got you a present." She went over to the kitchen table and retrieved her gift, then brought it back to Maura on the couch. It was a small bell that made a pleasant tinkling sound when shook. "If you need anything, you just shake this bad boy and I'll come running, like a butler in a 1950s movie."

"I won't need this," said Maura, setting the bell on the table beside her. She pulled back the blanket that was covering her, indicating that Jane should sit on the other half of the couch. "You're staying right here with me, right?"

 _As if I could go anywhere else_ , thought Jane, settling in beside Maura.

They spent the rest of the night talking. Once Maura's pain medication had kicked in, she told Jane about how she had entered the butcher's shop and seen the human brain, and then went on to describe in graphic detail about everything that had happened afterwards. She was remarkably composed about the ordeal, and Jane stared at her with great intensity, trying to detect any underlying anxiety or lingering fears over the incident.

"You're really okay? Have you had any nightmares or anything?"

"No," Maura replied honestly. "I'm fine, really. I'm not sure why, but this isn't bothering me as much as some other things I've gone through did. I think it's because it was a random attack. I didn't enter that butcher shop knowing that man was the killer. I was simply going about my day, doing the things I always do. If he had been targeting me specifically, I think I would feel a bit more reticent about the whole thing. But I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. There was nothing personal about it."

Shaking her head, Jane said, "You are one strange woman, Dr. Isles."

"I know," replied Maura, resting her head back on a pillow and closing her eyes. "I'm done thinking about this. Tell me about your classes instead. Midterms are approaching, right?"

When Maura was too tired to continue their talk Jane helped her get to the bedroom, letting her lean heavily against her. She supported her to the bathroom, then went to retrieve some silk pajamas with a button-up shirt so that Maura wouldn't have to lift her arms to put it on. Maura was standing in front of the mirror when she returned, her shirt raised up to just below her breasts as she looked at her own injuries for the first time.

On her midriff there was extensive bruising from the broken rib and from where the butcher had pressed his knee against her body. Underneath that was the suture from where they had inserted the tube in Maura's lung. Jane saw the markings and gasped sharply, tears rushing in to her eyes. "Shit, Maura," she said, stepping forward and reaching out as though to touch her. At that moment, Jane wanted nothing more than to trade places with Maura, to take her pain away and absorb it with her own body. Her fingertips paused just before she made contact with Maura's discolored skin, and she looked up to lock eyes with Maura.

She drowned in that gaze, and for a second she could swear that she saw her own feelings reflected back at her. But then Maura blinked and looked down, and when she looked back at Jane again, whatever had been there before was gone. Instead, Maura looked exhausted and vulnerable, and she asked quietly: "Will you sleep in my bed, like you did in Paris?"

"Yeah," replied Jane without stopping to think about it. "I'll go change while you finish up here."

Ablutions completed, Jane helped Maura climb under the covers, then went around the other side of the bed and climbed in herself. They looked at each other in the darkness, and words failed Jane. She knew she had to tell Maura how she felt, but she couldn't think of the right way to say it. There weren't words in the english language that could do justice to these feelings. So she gazed silently at the woman she loved, who gazed right back at her.

"Thank you," Maura whispered, her voice barely cutting through the heavy silence that lay like a blanket around them.

"You're welcome," replied Jane.

Jane ended up staying for an entire week. Even though Maura insisted that she didn't want to be a burden and Jane could leave whenever she wanted, there was no way Jane was going to return to Virginia without making sure Maura was able to get around the house on her own. The week had been wonderful. It was like Paris again, except Jane's family was almost always there, they didn't spend hours walking around a beautiful city, and Maura didn't drink any wine. But their intimacy was as strong as it had been then, easily rekindled and fallen back in to over their seven days and seven nights together.

The other biggest difference was Jane's solicitousness. Just as she'd predicted, Maura hadn't needed the bell because Jane didn't leave her side. Jane seemed to know what Maura needed before Maura herself did, and she was happy to get up and get whatever Maura wanted her to get, or do whatever Maura needed her to do. Even when Maura fell asleep on the couch because her pain medication made her drowsy, Jane remained next to her, often writing what Maura assumed were lesson plans in a notebook.

When Jane left, Maura thought it felt as though she'd broken another rib.

At the front door, Jane hugged her for a long time, careful not to squeeze too hard so she wouldn't hurt her, both of them battling tears at their impending resumed separation.

Then she pulled away to look at Maura, and there was something in that look that terrified and thrilled Maura more than anything she'd seen in her entire life. Slowly, hesitantly, Jane reached a hand into the inside pocket of her blazer and pulled out a sealed envelope. "I wrote this for you," she said, her voice low and rough. "Don't open it until I'm gone, okay?"

"Okay," Maura replied. She went willingly when Jane enclosed her in another warm hug.

This one felt different though. This one felt like goodbye. And it was more than the goodbye of Jane leaving to return to Quantico. It was a goodbye to the time they'd just shared, to the increased intimacy they'd enjoyed over the last week. It was a bigger kind of goodbye, and it made Maura's heart clench with pain.

Then Jane did something truly unusual. She ducked down and kissed Maura on the cheek.

"Bye, Maura," she said softly, her breath tickling Maura's skin.

"Bye Jane," responded Maura, the words hitching in her throat.

Her head swimming and her vision blurred with tears, Maura watched Jane walk down the pathway, get in her waiting taxi, and drive off. It felt even worse to watch than it had the first time all those months ago when Jane had left her life behind in Boston and gone to start a new one elsewhere.

Walking slowly so that she didn't hurt herself, Maura returned to the couch. Then she opened the envelope and pulled out the letter Jane had written in her graceful, sloping handwriting.

_Dear Maura,_

_There's something I need to tell you. I should have told you this a long time ago, but I've been too afraid of what you would say and how it would change things between us. Please understand that I don't expect anything from you, that we don't ever have to talk about this if you don't want to, and that I would never do anything to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable._

_The truth is that I'm deeply in love with you, Maura. I think I always have been._

_I don't expect you to feel the same way, but it isn't right for me to go on pretending like all I feel for you is friendship. It isn't honest, and it isn't fair to you. You're my best friend, and I can't keep hiding something that is such an integral part of me that it goes to the very core of everything I do and everything I am._

_Please, even if we never talk about this, I need you to know how much you mean to me, even if it's just this once. You are the most important thing in my life. Before I met you, I was scattered and impulsive. But you make me focus and consider what I do before I do it. You make me love my family more. You make me love my work more. You make me want to learn about the world around me instead of trampling through it to reach my destination. Everything in my life is richer and fuller because you're a part of it. When I look at you, it's like I can see my future. And when I'm with you, I feel complete, like I'm not whole without you._

_Even if you don't love me the way I love you, I'll always want you in my life. If all you can offer is your friendship, I understand, and I will never push you for more._

_You often say that I changed your life. You say I gave you a family, that I gave you friends, that I gave you laughter. These are things that I've been happy to give to you, Maura._

_Because I'd give you everything I have, if you let me._

_Yours always,_

_Jane_

Maura sat completely still, so stunned that stars blinked before her eyes. _Oh my god,_ she thought. _Oh. My. God._

She read the letter again, sure that there must be some mistake, that she must have misinterpreted something. She went through it word by word, defining each one in her mind carefully and then placing it in the context of all the others around it on the paper. It took a long time, but by the time she finished she was able to accept that she had not, in fact, misread the letter.

Jane loved her. Jane Rizzoli was in love with her.

 _Oh my god_.

Her cell phone was lying on the coffee table in front of her. Carefully, she leaned forward to pick it up. Jane was probably close to the airport by now, but there might still be time to call her and tell her to turn around and come back. A sharp pang of pain from her ribs nearly derailed her plan, but she gritted her teeth and grabbed the device, then settled back on the couch, navigating to her contacts. Her finger hovered over the green button that would place the call to Jane, and Maura noticed that her hand was shaking.

She dropped the phone on to her lap and let her head fall back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. She was scared. Terrified, even.

This was what she wanted. She loved Jane, too. But there was so very much to lose if they messed this up. It had been hard enough when Jane had gone to Virginia. There was no way she'd survive if they tried this only to have it fall apart. Once they crossed this line, there was no going back. And any damage done after they crossed the line would be irreparable.

_What does she want from me? I need to know what she wants._

Maura wanted forever. She wanted to know that if they did this, it would be a committed, monogamous, rest-of-their-lives sort of relationship. Was that what Jane wanted? From what she'd written in the letter, it certainly seemed that Jane wanted that, too.

She sat on the couch until late into the night thinking about what Jane had written and what it could mean for them. Confusion and shock slowly faded to acceptance and then progressed to excitement and joy, and yet there was one question that was lingering at the forefront of Maura's mind:

_Why didn't she tell me? Doesn't she trust me? Did she really think I would ever let this come between us, even if I didn't love her back?_

But Maura did love her back, that much was clear to her. And it was time to let Jane know that. Giving no thought to how late it was, she picked up her phone again.


	9. Chapter 9

Since Jane didn't have a chartered flight back to Virginia, it took her about five hours to get back to her apartment. That was five hours of nervously checking her phone every thirty seconds, feeling nauseous and stupid and cowardly.

_A letter_ , she thought over and over. _What is this, Downton Abbey? Why the hell did I go with a letter?_

The answer, of course, was that she didn't want to pressure Maura in to feeling like she had to answer one way or the other. With a letter, Maura could choose her response, or lack of response, at her own pace, without Jane there to make her feel anxious or cornered. It was the right thing to do.

But it meant that Jane wasn't present to see the result of her confession, and that fact was putting her on edge. She couldn't sit still, and she paced around her apartment until late in the night, too sickened to drink one of the cold beers in her fridge. When she tried to go to bed she tossed and turned restlessly, wondering if Maura would have trouble sleeping too on their first night sleeping alone in a week, and if she too was staying up thinking about what Jane had written. It was especially frustrating because she knew there was a distinct possibility that she might never hear from Maura on the subject of the letter. That was the whole point. She wondered how she would survive if that were the case. The only thing she could do in that scenario was hope the anxiety would wane over time.

Her biggest concern, the one that was causing a constant stream of terrified shivering, was that she'd done permanent damage to her relationship with Maura. She didn't think that Maura would ever shun her or be derisive of her for having romantic feelings towards her, but introducing any distance or strain between the two of them would be just as bad. Jane needed Maura more than she could say. What if things between them were going to be weird and painful now? What if Maura found it was too difficult to be such close friends after this? What if she unilaterally decided it was best for both of them if they backed off for a while to give them each some space? Jane couldn't think of anything more horrible. She didn't need space. She needed Maura.

But it was too late to worry about that now. The bomb had already been set off, and now the only thing left to do was wait until the dust settled and take stock of what was left in its wake.

It was 3:30 in the morning when Jane's cell phone rang, and the caller ID flashed a picture of a smiling, beautiful Maura. Jane stomach lurched as she sat up in bed, staring at the picture in fear. Then she took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and accepted the incoming call. "Hey," she said cautiously.

"Why didn't you tell me, Jane?" Maura asked, her voice thick with emotion. "Why did you wait so long?"

"It's like I wrote in the letter, Maur. I was scared. I'm _still_ scared. In my defense, I've only known about it for eighteen months."

"I'm not talking about that. I mean this last week. You were here for seven days, sitting right beside me, spending all your time with me, having meals with me, sharing my bed every night. You could have told me all this a hundred times over, but you never said anything. Instead you sat there writing me this letter. Why didn't you say anything if it was your intention all along to give me the letter?"

"Because I didn't want you to feel like you needed to say anything back to me. I know you, Maura. I can't begin to fathom most of what you must be feeling and thinking right now, but the one thing I do know is that you're always deliberate with your words. I wanted you to have enough time to figure out how to deal with it without also worrying about hurting me while you do it."

She heard Maura heave a great sigh. "And what if I wanted to talk about it with you, Jane? What if I wanted you to be here while we figure this out?"

Jane wasn't sure how to respond to that. Deciding to fall back on a weak attempt at humor, she said, "Well, that's why god invented cell phones."

"I suppose," muttered Maura. "I just wish you had trusted me enough to tell me this while you were still here." There was a long pause, and Jane listened attentively to the sound of her breathing, wondering what she was thinking. Then she said, very quietly, "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatever it is that you want with me… I want it too. If you're asking to be with me as more than a friend, my answer is yes."

All the breath in Jane's lungs rushed out as though she'd been kicked in the stomach. She felt lightheaded and dizzy. In that moment, with those words, she felt her entire life change.

"It is?" she rasped, tears leaking from her eyes.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Please, Maura, are you _sure_?"

Now Jane could hear that Maura was crying, too. "Yes. I've been so confused thinking about you recently. But I can't deny the nature of these feelings I have for you, and I don't want to anymore. I'm hopelessly in love with you, Jane. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never met anyone who understands me the way you do, or who sees my flaws and my quirks but loves me regardless of them."

"Not regardless of," Jane insisted tearfully. " _Because_ of, Maura. I love you _because_ of those things. They're not flaws. You're perfect exactly the way you are."

"Oh, Jane," sobbed Maura, the pain from her broken rib barely registering in her mind. "Say it again, please."

"I love you, Maura. I will _always_ love you."

"I love you too. Sometimes I think I never loved anything at all until I met you. You brought me to life, Jane."

They cried together over the phone for a few long minutes until Jane finally chuckled and wiped her nose on her sleeve. "Listen to us crybabies. We're pathetic," she said.

"We're not pathetic. We cry because the human hypothalamus is linked to the autonomic nervous system and is hard-wired to trigger a response in the lacrimal system in reaction to any intense emotional overstimulation. We're only human."

"You're not human. You're a cyborg, remember?"

"So you say," chuckled Maura. "You're wrong, though, as evidenced by the fact that I can't seem to stop my hypothalamus from triggering its natural human response." She paused for a moment, then felt the need to clarify: "I'm very happy, Jane."

"Me too."

"I wish you had stayed though, or told me this a few days ago. I'd really like to hold you right now."

"It's probably better that I'm not there. I'd hug you too hard and I'd accidentally hurt you. You must already be in pain from all the crying."

"I am," Maura admitted, but she didn't say anything else on the subject. Instead she asked, "How are we going to do this? You're there and I'm here."

"We'll be in a… God, this feels so weird to say, but we'll be in a long distance relationship until we can figure something else out."

"That is strange," said Maura with a laugh. "A long distance relationship with my best friend."

"I mean, that's basically what's been happening for the last six months, right? The only difference is that now we're… Whatever we are."

"And what are we?"

"Beats me. Is there a guide for this kind of thing? What do you call it when two straight best friends fall in love with each other? I guess we're like… girlfriends, right?" Jane chuckled at herself and rubbed her eyes, hardly able to believe that this conversation was really happening. _God, this is so crazy._

"Girlfriends," Maura repeated, trying the word out on her tongue. It felt fine, but not ideal. "I suppose that will work for the time being, but I reserve the right to change it in the future."

"Change it to what?"

"I don't know. Partners, maybe. Significant others. Lovers."

"Stop it, Maura," said Jane, sniffling. "You're gonna make my hypotenuse trigger a response from my la-criminal gland again."

Maura laughed, letting her love for Jane wash away all the other thoughts in her mind. She let go of the pain from her ribs, she disregarded her exhaustion over the emotional conversation, and most of all she didn't linger on the knowledge that Jane had been in a long distance relationship before, but it didn't work out because neither participant wanted to give up their careers.

They talked until the sun came up. Jane told Maura about when she'd had her epiphany regarding her own feelings at Korsak's wedding reception, and about why she'd made the decision to move to Virginia as a result. It was a difficult conversation, but Maura ultimately understood and forgave her for what she'd done. After all, the teaching position _had_ been a great opportunity.

And Maura told Jane about how Tommy had helped her unlock the truth of her feelings for Jane. Jane practically died of shock. "And here I was thinking he was trying to get you in to bed this whole time," she remarked, cuddling down under the covers. It was almost six in the morning, and she was very grateful she'd given herself a day off in Virginia before returning to take her classes back from Claire.

"Absolutely not. He's really changed, Jane. He's a good man, and a great father. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd have been capable of understanding what I was feeling for you. I might have decided to never bring up the letter you wrote to me." Maura sounded very sleepy, like she might be drifting off as she spoke. "I loved that letter, Jane. I'm going to put it somewhere safe and keep it forever."

"I'll write you as many as you want," Jane promised, also struggling to stay awake. "Starting tomorrow, though, because right now I'm falling asleep."

"Me too," admitted Maura.

"I don't want to hang up."

"Me either."

"Don't change your mind, okay?" Jane pleaded dreamily.

"I won't."

"G'night Maura."

"Night, Jane."

At noon Tommy let himself in to Maura's house. He and the rest of his family had arranged to come see Maura in shifts now that Jane had left, and today was his turn to cook lunch. Before coming he'd dropped TJ off at daycare, gone to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients, and now he was all ready to cook something up for Maura to eat. When he entered the house he found Maura dozing on the couch, buried in blankets and surrounded by pillows and what appeared to be used tissues. On the floor beside her was a sheet of paper, and Tommy supposed she must have been reading it when she fell asleep. Not wanting to surprise her with his presence, he went to kneel by the couch to wake her gently, picking up the paper so he wouldn't crush it with his knees. As he did so he noticed that it was Jane's handwriting, and before he knew it he was reading the whole thing.

When he finished he looked up and saw that Maura was awake and looking directly at him. He grinned at her, delighted. "Told you so," he said, and Maura gave him a watery smile.

"You did," Maura acknowledged.

"Have you talked to her about this?"

"Yes."

"And what did you tell her?"

"The truth," replied Maura, still smiling. "We're going to give it a try."

"That's great, Maur," said Tommy sincerely. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." But there was something in her eyes that made Tommy concerned.

"You're not happy?"

Sighing, Maura said, "I am deliriously happy. But I'm also worried. Jane lives in Virginia."

"So what?"

"You know what happened with Casey. They did long distance for a while, but it ended up falling apart because neither one of them could bring themselves to uproot their lives for the other."

Tommy gazed at her thoughtfully, then asked the question Maura had been asking herself ever since she had realized the truth about her feelings for Jane. "Could you give up your life and your career here to go be with her there?"

Apparently all Maura needed was to hear the question from someone else, because suddenly the answer was ridiculously simple. "Yes, I could," she said. "If I had to."

"There's the difference. Maybe Jane and Casey didn't love each other as much as you two do, and that's the real reason they didn't work out."

Maura thought back to the day when Jane had come in to the crime lab wearing a diamond ring from Casey. Just hours after being proposed to, Jane was worrying over the permanence of the relationship, fretting about what would happen if they were to break up after one of them gave up their career for the other. But Maura couldn't imagine a situation that would make her want to end her relationship with Jane. She didn't feel like there was any possibility for a break up in the future, not after everything Jane had said about her feelings for Maura. Admittedly it was very early in this new development for them, but one thing was certain already: They both would do whatever it took to make this work.

Thinking of this was making her head spin. It felt extremely odd to compare her own relationship with Jane to the relationship between Jane and Casey, even though logically she knew it was a valid comparison since they now fell into the same category. She let out a disbelieving laugh. "This is so bizarre, don't you think? Isn't it strange to think of Jane and me… _that_ way?"

"Not from where I'm sitting," said Tommy. "Honestly, I think it makes perfect sense. You guys fit together like puzzle pieces."

"Except that we're both women."

"You think men and women fit together better than two women do? You're crazy. And a little homophobic."

Offended, Maura carefully sat up straighter on the couch. "Excuse me? I believe I'm the one who's just entered in to some variety of a homosexual relationship, and you're accusing me of being homophobic?" But Tommy's grin triggered something in her mind, and she frowned in annoyance at him. "You're teasing me, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm teasing you," he said affectionately. "Look, Maura, maybe it's good that Jane's in Virginia while you get used to this idea. It can't feel normal to suddenly have a romantic relationship with someone after being strictly platonic for a decade. There's bound to be an adjustment period. If it was you and me, I bet you'd feel the same way."

"I agree with you to a certain extent, but a large portion of what's going to change between Jane and me is physical. The underlying assumption here is that in addition to any increased emotional intimacy Jane and I will experience, there will be an added sexual element as well," argued Maura.

Tommy winced and gagged. "Please never say the word 'sexual' in the context of my sister again."

"Tommy, what kind of confidant are you if I can't talk to you about what's on my mind? With Jane gone you're my best friend in Boston, and this is an important subject, one that I'd really like to be able to discuss with you without risking having you vomit all over my very expensive carpet."

Sighing in defeat, Tommy said, "Okay, fine. But let's use some kind of code, okay? Like, um, I dunno… Maybe playing chess. Talk like all you're gonna do with Jane is get her alone and play a nice, long game of chess."

"You're ridiculous," laughed Maura. "But if that's what it takes, then I accept the terms of this negotiation."

"Thank you."

"I'll rephrase my original statement to fit our new guidelines. In the future, theoretically, Jane and I will be… playing chess. But you can't play chess when you live in two different cities." She paused, then grumbled, "This is a ridiculous and inaccurate analogy. Of course you can play chess with someone in a different city. In high school I played chess with a penpal in Russia via snail mail."

"Yeah, it's not really working for me either," admitted Tommy, looking a little green. "It still sounds like you're talking about having sex with my sister. But I don't care. Keep using it, because it's better than the alternative."

"If you insist," said Maura.

"I insist. But hey, Maura, you can't play chess without setting up the board, right? You gotta lay em all out one piece at a time. And I know you're not ready for a full game yet, because you still think it's weird that you're even considering Jane as an opponent."

Maura was stunned by his insight, although she didn't know why. He was a Rizzoli, after all, and they were a perceptive bunch. "That's true. I admit I'm not ready for checkmate yet. But I wouldn't mind making a few moves, at least. It might help me get used to the… new strategy, if you will."

"You'll have opportunities for that. Even over the phone there's gotta be one or two things you could do." He held up a hand to stop her comment. "And no, I won't be more specific, 'cause I can't think of a chess way disguise it and I'm losing my appetite here."

Laughing, Maura reached over and patted his arm. "That's alright. You've done more than enough for me already on this topic. You've given me plenty to think about. We don't have to talk about this anymore."

"Thank god," said Tommy with palpable relief. "I'm gonna go make you lunch so you won't have a chance to change your mind."

When Tommy rose to go to the kitchen, Maura stopped him and handed him Jane's letter. "Wait, Tommy. Will you put this in the drawer over there for me? The last thing I need is for your mother to walk in and find it. Thank goodness it was you instead of her."

"Aw, she won't care," Tommy said flippantly as he complied with her request. "As long as you're both happy and you're planning to have a kid or two, she'll be fine."

Maura blinked at him, looking shell-shocked. "Kids? Me? With _Jane_?"

"Yeah!" Tommy said, unpacking the groceries he'd brought. "You should have at least one. Trust me, they're great. I was scared at first, but TJ's the best thing that ever happened to me. You do want kids right? I'm pretty sure Jane does."

"Tommy," said Maura in a measured voice, "my relationship with Jane is less than twenty-four hours old. It is _way_ too early to be talking about this."

"Your relationship with Jane is ten years old, but have it your way."

As Tommy was finishing up with their lunch, Angela let herself in the back door. "Hello my lovelies," she said cheerfully, kissing Tommy's cheek and then heading over to do the same to Maura. "How are you feeling today?"

_Absolutely fantastic_ , thought Maura, holding back her grin. "I'm in some pain," she said out loud, "but it's about time for me to take another pill."

"I'll get it for you," said Angela at once, and she bustled around the kitchen for a pill and a glass of water.

As she did so, Maura stood carefully from the couch and hobbled over to sit on one of the chairs at the island. She realized that her pain was worse because of all the crying she'd done on the phone with Jane. _Completely worth it_ , she thought, smiling warmly at the memory of the letter Jane had written her and of the conversation they'd had.

She decided to let go of her worry and allowed herself to bask in the overwhelming happiness she was feeling. Jane Rizzoli loved her. Jane was the funniest, bravest, most loyal friend she'd ever had. It seemed miraculous to Maura that the two of them had ever managed to become to close. In many ways Jane was her exact opposite. She was blue collar to Maura's white. She was brash to Maura's measured. She was loud to Maura's quiet. She was direct to Maura's evasive.

But that meant that they complimented each other-completed each other. That was why Maura had been so lost without Jane. How could she be functional when she was only half what she could be when Jane was by her side? It was easy for Maura to imagine spending the rest of her life with this woman who helped Maura be complete. She understood exactly what Jane had put in the letter about feeling whole with her, because Jane was a part of her, too.

Just thinking of the letter brought a huge smile to Maura's face. No one had ever said anything so romantic and sincere to her before. Not even Ian. In her past relationships she'd wondered about the veracity of her partner's declarations of love, but Maura knew in her heart that Jane meant every word she'd written in that letter.

Tommy caught her eye and grinned mischievously at her and Maura blushed, feeling as though he must be reading her thoughts. She'd never been very good at hiding them, after all.

"Hey, Ma," said Tommy casually, "did I tell you that Lydia left me for a woman?"

Both Angela and Maura gasped although for very different reasons. Maura wished she was wearing her slippers so she could take one off and throw it at him. Or, better yet, her stilettos.

"No, you didn't," Angela said, turning to him, not noticing Maura's reaction.

"It's true. It's a woman she met at work. What do you think of that, huh?"

"I think it explains a lot," said Angela. "I knew there must have been something else going on there. You're a catch, Tommy, but there's no way she really liked your father. It must have been a denial thing." She began plating their lunch, ladling out portions of the simple soup Tommy had made into three bowls. "I mean, she shouldn't have led you on like that, but at least now we know it wasn't anyone's fault. Not really, anyway."

Despite her embarrassment and annoyance with Tommy, Maura was hanging on to Angela's every word. "What do you mean?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"It's like I always say: We can't choose who we love," answered Angela simply. "If she found love with this girl, then I hope they're very happy together."

"That's incredibly progressive of you, Angela," said Maura.

Angela shrugged. "Is it? I think I've just been through too much to begrudge anyone their chance at happiness."

_God, I love this family,_ thought Maura. _My family._ As she began eating her soup she let herself lean against Tommy ever-so-slightly, silently thanking him for the gift of reassurance he'd given her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a quick check-in with you guys and say THANK YOU for all the love you've been throwing my way on this fic. I put a lot of time and effort into this story (as I do all my stories), and it makes me happy that there are folks out there running their eyes over the fruits of my labor and liking what they see. The comments I got on the last chapter were beyond flattering, and I want you all to know I appreciate each and every one of you as a reader, a reviewer, and just generally as a human being existing on this crazy blue marble we inhabit together. I'm feeling the love from you, and I hope you feel it from me, too.

Maura watched Jane grade papers through the computer screen, admiring the way her pulled-back hair displayed the bare skin of her neck. For a moment she indulged in a fantasy of placing her lips on the spot just behind Jane's ear before moving her gaze onward. She followed the graceful curve of Jane's neck downward to where more skin on her shoulders and chest was revealed by the tank top she was wearing. She pictured herself kissing Jane's shoulder, slowly and lovingly, feeling her soft skin under her lips. She imagined running her fingers along Jane's collarbone, tracing its ridges and contours.

Looking further down, she was quite certain that Jane was not wearing a bra. The fact that only a few measly strands of cotton separated Jane's breasts from Maura's viewing pleasure was enough to make her heart race. She spent the next several minutes imagining a few of the things she'd like to do with Jane's breasts, touching them, exploring them, studying them, feeling their weight, their softness, their texture. Then she blinked and shook her head, amazed at how much easier it had become to think about Jane that way.

It had been three weeks since Jane's letter, and Maura had been making a concerted effort to specifically imagine Jane in more sexual situations. It was working well - maybe even a little too well, as now Jane was making regular naked appearances in Maura's dreams. After talking to Tommy, she had come to understand that the problem she was having reconciling her feelings towards Jane wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Jane - she was _definitely_ attracted to Jane. The problem was that she'd spent ten years ignoring that attraction, dismissing it as implausible, nonsensical, and irrational. Now her task was to re-wire her thought patterns so that she could conceive of a different type of relationship with Jane; one where sexual attraction was a welcome addition.

By this point she was almost completely comfortable with her desire for Jane, although she still had the occasional moment where she wondered if she was insane for thinking of Jane that way. But every time Jane looked at her she could tell that there was love beyond that of platonic friendship in her eyes, and mixed up in that love was her own desire. Jane was attracted to her, too. She hadn't come out and said as much, but Maura knew it to be true all the same.

There had been no time for a visit yet. Maura was still out on medical leave but travel was impossible with her broken rib. And midterms for Jane were fast approaching, so every night they spent together via webcam was mostly Jane sitting and working quietly. Jane's weekends were packed with FBI business, too. She was undergoing continuing educational training that would help her bypass the fact that she'd never attended the academy herself. It was necessary for her to complete the training if she ever hoped to become a full agent.

Maura had to admit she was frustrated. She was confused about this thing with Jane. The more comfortable she felt re-classifying Jane in her mind as a potential sexual partner, the more she wanted it to happen. But it couldn't, and it made Maura question the essential nature of their new connection with one another.

"Are we really in a relationship, Jane?" she asked. It was the first thing either one of them had said in over twenty minutes.

Jane looked up from her work, clearly puzzled by the inquiry. "Yes?" she answered. It wasn't a question because she was uncertain of her answer, it was a question because she didn't know why Maura was bringing this up. "I thought we established this already."

"I've just never had a relationship like this before," said Maura. "I don't think any of the men I've been with would put up with a relationship like this."

"Why, because we can't touch each other?" Jane put the stack of papers she'd been grading down on the table next to the laptop, devoting her full attention to Maura.

"Yes," replied Maura.

"Well, I've got news for you. I'm not a man."

"Trust me, I noticed. But does that mean you don't wish we could touch each other?"

"Maura, if you had any idea…" Jane trailed off, looking away from the camera for a moment. Then she cleared her throat and said, "Of course I wish we could be together in person. But we're still in a relationship even though that's not a part of it right now. Why are you asking about this?"

Sighing, Maura played with the edge of the blanket that was laying over her legs. "I suppose I'm not sure how what we have now is any different from what we had before. We're as close as we always have been, and the things we talk about and do together are still the same. By these standards, if we're in a relationship now then we've been in a relationship for years."

"Except now you know that I love you," said Jane softly.

"Yes, but… People who are in love are supposed to be together, and we're not." Maura's eyes were beginning to fill with tears. "What are we going to do, Jane? How are we going to do this?"

Jane had been thinking about that exact question a lot over the last three weeks. She lay awake at night turning the problem over and over in her mind. The solution seemed simple to her. And though she would miss her job in Quantico, she missed Maura more. "I'll come home," she said. "At the end of the school year, I'll quit and come back to Boston."

"No!" said Maura loudly. "You can't do that, Jane. That job is the opportunity of a lifetime! Think what you'd be giving up! You have a chance to become a crucial figure in the FBI. You'd be getting to do real investigative work on a national scale. What are you going to do, come back to Boston and be a homicide detective again?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I'll do," said Jane. "I loved that work. And I'd get to work with you again. We could live out the rest of our days flirting with each other over dead bodies."

"No," Maura repeated. "You can't take a step backwards in your career for me. You'd resent me for the rest of our lives."

"How could I resent you for something I volunteered to do?"

Disregarding this, Maura continued, "And I would always wonder if I caused you to make a choice I know you'll regret. I couldn't live with that, Jane. It would mar something that should be flawless for us. No, I'm going to come to you. I'm going to resign my position and I'll come to Virginia and find something to do. Maybe I could work on the living for a change. With all my connections, I'm certain I could make a lateral career move somewhere."

"Don't you dare," said Jane slowly, enunciating every word. "Don't you even _think_ about quitting your job for me, Maura. You worked so hard to get where you are. You don't have the kind of job where you fill out an application and do an interview; you were _appointed_ by the _Governor_! That's not the kind of thing you just up and quit. And besides that, you're the best damn medical examiner in the country! Do you have any idea how many crimes get solved because of your Google brain? You make connections in seconds that it would take other people _months_ to figure out. BPD needs you. Massachusetts needs you. _The dead_ need you."

Silence fell between them as they stared at each other.

"What are we going to do?" asked Maura again, her voice small and frightened. "I love you so much. I want to be with you so badly it _hurts_. You say we're in a relationship, but we can't do any of the things that people in a relationship are supposed to do. We can't plan for our future because we don't know what our future holds. We can't tell our family about what we have together because we don't know what this is or where it's going. And we can't make love because we're separated by hundreds of miles. We've been together for three weeks and I haven't even kissed you yet, Jane."

"I know it looks bad, Maur, but please don't bail on me, okay?" said Jane desperately. "We'll figure this out. We love each other. Everything else is… details. None of those things define what it means to be with someone. We're together because we're not hiding how we feel anymore. We're separated now but we won't always be. In the short term we can do the occasional weekend and we'll have holidays and school breaks. And I know we haven't found our long term solution but we're working on it. The most important thing is that I don't have to make up excuses about why I want to be close to you again. It's because I want to be able to love you every single day, in person, the way you deserve to be loved."

On the screen, Maura reached over and pulled a tissue out of the box and blew her nose. She sat there crying for a bit, and then she said, "Were you this romantic with Casey?"

Jane laughed, relieved at Maura's shift in mood. "Not by a long shot. I loved him, but I wasn't _in_ love with him. Not like I am with you. That's why I'd give up my career in a heartbeat for you."

"Tommy was right again," observed Maura. "He hypothesized that the love between the two of us was stronger than the love between you and Casey, and that it was the real reason it didn't work out. He's going to be insufferable when I tell him he was correct."

Groaning, Jane said, "Oh, c'mon, you really gotta tell him that?"

"I tell him everything. He's my best friend, aside from you of course."

"Of course," parroted Jane with a smile.

"Listen, I should be able to go back to work in two weeks. I think I should be well enough to travel soon. What if I came and visited you before my leave ends? Could I do that?"

"I would love that," said Jane sincerely, instantly getting excited at the suggestion. "I'll make sure the couch is nice and clean for you to sleep on."

Eyeing her suspiciously, Maura said, "Are you teasing me?"

"Yes, Maura. Obviously I'm teasing you. You can sleep in my bed." Then, after a brief pause, Jane added: "I'll take the couch."

"Stop it, Jane," laughed Maura.

"Stop what? I'm trying to be a gentleman here."

Maura bought a plane ticket while they were on the video call. She would be landing at BWI in the early evening in exactly a week. That night they both had trouble sleeping for their excitement.

The next day was a Monday, and as Jane sat in her office at the FBI academy, Claire knocked on the door frame. "Hey," said Jane brightly, smiling widely at her.

"Woah," said Claire, taking a step backwards and putting her hands up as though Jane had pulled a gun on her. "I didn't realize it was possible for you to smile that much. What happened with Maura?"

Jane laughed at her own transparency. After returning from Boston and her overnight talk with Maura, Jane had told Claire about everything that was going on between them. Claire had been really happy for her, and now they were close enough friends that Claire felt comfortable teasing Jane about the whole thing. Her favorite joke to make was that Jane was so hot that she'd managed to seduce the world's most heterosexual woman.

"She's coming to visit in a week," Jane explained with poorly-concealed excitement as Claire came into the office and sat on one of her visitor's chairs.

"That's great! I can't wait to meet her. That's such a huge coincidence, too, because guess what?"

"What?"

"Liz is coming here on Wednesday!"

Jane's jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

"Completely."

"Has she ever visited you here before?"

"Not since we broke up."

"Do you think she wants to get back together?"

"I don't know."

"Do you _hope_ she wants to get back together?"

Claire gave her a wry smile. "Relax, Detective. You're doing that thing where you interrogate me like I'm a suspect again. I didn't steal your stupid lunch, okay?"

Glaring at her, Jane demanded: "Answer the question, Claire."

With a wistful sigh, Claire said, "Yes, of course I hope she wants to get back together. But the long distance thing is really hard, as you well know."

"Yeah, but you two did it for a long time, right?"

"About two years, yes."

"Yikes," said Jane, trying to imagine going two years with only occasional visits with Maura. "I can't do that. And Maura can't either. We don't know what we're going to do yet, but if we haven't figured it out by the end of the school year, I'm going home to Boston and I don't care how mad it makes her. Now that I know she loves me back, I can't stay away from her."

"I only have a year left here," said Claire. "If Liz wants to try again, I'll fight for Iowa as hard as I can after I graduate."

"And what if you don't get it?"

"Then I'll… I don't know, Jane. I really don't know." Claire looked sad for a moment, but she shook herself out of it and blushed. "But this is all premature. She might not even want to get back together at all."

"She does," said Jane. "Why else would she be coming here? You'll bring her around to meet me, right?"

"Of course," Claire assured her. "In fact we're all going for drinks on Friday if you'd like to come. Abigail and Jason will be there as well."

"Sure," agreed Jane. "That sounds like fun."

Later that day Jane got a text from Cameron asking if she wanted to meet for dinner, and after checking with Maura that she'd be okay with it, she accepted. They met at the Bitter Bureau and each ordered a beer and a burger. Davies had been in California consulting on a case for a while so they hadn't seen each other since Jane had needed his help to get home fast. Now she shyly filled him in on what had happened, both with the Collector and with her personal relationship with Maura.

"You knew you liked her even when I came to see you in Boston?" he asked incredulously after she'd finished.

"I knew since long before then," she admitted.

"Well, shit," he said. Then he added, "Can't say I blame you. She's very beautiful. Way more beautiful than me."

Jane laughed easily, relieved at his reaction. This could have been a prickly, awkward conversation that led to hurt feelings, but instead he was taking the whole thing in stride. He really was a great guy. "Aw, don't sell yourself short. You have a very chiseled jawline and really pretty eyes. If I was gonna pick a man, it would be you."

"So I'm Jane Rizzoli's second best. I wonder if I can put that on my resume."

"Don't think so, but if you need a reference, tell 'em to give me a call. So there's no hard feelings?"

"Not at all," Davies said. "I'm a little annoyed with myself that I didn't pick up on it, but that's not your fault. I mean, she was with you almost the entire time I was in Boston. She was like your shadow or something."

"I wish she was," Jane said. "I hate not being near her."

"Put in a couple of years at the academy while you finish your training and then you can request to be transferred back to Boston. We have a terrorist division there, and they can always use skilled interrogators. I know it's not the best plan, but it's something, right?"

Remembering her conversation with Claire, Jane agreed with him even though she knew full well that she wouldn't make it even one year, let alone several.

With Maura coming in so soon, Jane was trying to get as much work done as she could before her arrival, although it would be impossible to finish everything. She would still have to do some work with Maura here. Thursday evening found her focused and quiet as she sat on a video call with Maura, who was typing away on her computer keyboard at a good clip. The sound had annoyed Jane at first, but now she found it comforting and familiar, and it made her indescribably happy to look at her laptop and see Maura sitting there writing her book. It was a sight she'd seen many times, but everything relating to Maura felt different to her now. It was like someone had handed her the entire universe and said "Enjoy!"

As she was gazing at Maura and feeling warmed by love, her cell phone vibrated on the kitchen counter, the sound making Maura look up as well. She watched as Jane rose and went to retrieve the phone and answer it with her trademark: "Rizzoli." There was a long pause, and Jane's face went pale. She stumbled backwards a step and collided with the refrigerator. " _What_?" she breathed. "Are you sure?" A pause. "Where?" Another pause. "I'll be right there." And then she hung up.

"What's wrong?" asked Maura, concerned.

In a shaking voice, Jane answered: "That was Agent Davies. Someone found Claire Marks outside a bar in DC. She's dead, Maura."

Being separated from Jane had never been harder for Maura than it was for the next five minutes as she watched Jane try not to cry as she prepared to leave her apartment. When Jane sat down on the couch in front of the laptop, she could tell that Jane was thinking the same thing. "How am I supposed to go to a crime scene without you?" she choked out. "Who's going to figure out who did this to her if not us?"

"Oh, Jane…"

"She was my friend, Maura. She wanted to meet you so bad. I wanted you to meet her. And…"

"Please, Jane," Maura interrupted her, "don't do this now. I'll stay up all night if you want to fall apart later. But right now you and I both know you want to be at that crime scene. Go. Call me if you need me, I'll be right here waiting for you."

"I love you," said Jane, meaning it with every fiber of her being.

"Not nearly as much as I love you. Now go."

Jane drove to the city as fast as she could and parked near all the cop cars. The crime scene was a side alley of DC in a commercial area. The buildings around them were windowless and there were no street lights. There were dumpsters at regular intervals along the buildings, and police officers were milling around, canvassing the building owners to see if there were any witnesses. But Jane ignored all that and focused on the yellow tape that marked the border of the crime scene, intending to lift it and go right under just as she had hundreds of times before. As she tied her hair up in a high, tight ponytail she felt herself slipping back into detective mode as easily and comfortably as putting on an old sweatshirt, and it helped her fend off the looming grief that was threatening to overtake her.

She had just reached the yellow tape when someone yelled her name, and she turned to see Agent Davies running towards her. He immediately pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Jane."

Jerking away from him quickly, Jane clipped, "What happened?"

"Some smokers outside the bar around the corner heard screaming and came running from that direction," he pointed down the alley, "to see what was going on. They came over and found Claire and the other girl, Liz, on the ground."

"Liz? Is she…?"

"She's okay. She was knocked unconscious. She said someone pushed her and she hit her head on a dumpster."

"I'm going over there," said Jane, turning away from him. But Davies grabbed her arm to hold her back.

"Jane, you're not a homicide detective anymore," he said sternly. "You can't get involved."

"Damn it, Cameron, she's my friend! If you think I'm going to stand around and do nothing…"

Another voice interrupted them. "Jane!" It was Jason Johnson. He'd heard the commotion and come over at the distinctive sound of Jane's voice. "My god, Jane." He ducked under the yellow tape and hugged her tightly. This time Jane did not flinch away. Afterwards he dug in his pocket, pulled out a pair of blue latex gloves, and handed them to her. "Let's go," he said simply, and Jane followed him under the yellow tape, forgetting all about Cameron Davies. To the officers who gave them questioning looks, Jason said, "Don't worry. She's FBI."

Jane walked on shaky legs over to the body and swallowed back her nausea as she looked at what was left of her friend Claire Marks.

Her head was lying in a pool of blood, and blood was matting her blonde hair. She was face down, so Jane knew at once that she'd been struck more or less from behind. Kneeling next to her head, she looked carefully at the wound. "Murder weapon?" she asked Jason gruffly.

"Some sort of blunt object," he said, kneeling beside her. "It was hard and rounded, like a metal pipe or a baseball bat. She was struck twice. Once here," he pointed to a wound at the side of her skull, "and again here." He pointed to a second that was at an odd angle. "Based on this angle she was already on the ground when the second blow came, most likely already dead too."

"Thank god for that," rasped Jane. Unable to look anymore, she stood and took stock of the scene. "We got blood drops here." She pointed them out. They were in between the body and the dumpster. She walked over to the nearest dumpster. It was surrounded by loose garbage as though several bags had burst open, probably because of Liz landing on them after being knocked out. Hoisting herself up, she looked over the lip. "Yep, here's your murder weapon. Metal baseball bat. So Claire and Liz were walking, someone comes up behind them, pushes Liz in to this dumpster, and hits Claire as she's turning around. Then the killer throws the bat in to the dumpster and runs off. Where's Liz? Is anyone interviewing her?"

The DC Police Department homicide detectives were standing around nearby listening to the whole thing, and Jane could tell they were impressed. "Um, who the hell are you?" asked one of them, an older black man.

"I'm Jane Rizzoli, formerly of homicide in the Boston Police Department but currently with the Feds. Sorry to crash your crime scene. Claire Marks is… was a good friend of mine. She was my TA at the FBI academy in Quantico."

"No shit!" exclaimed the other detective, a stocky woman who looked to be about ten years older than Jane. " _The_ Jane Rizzoli, huh? This is the lady who nailed Charles Hoyt."

"No shit!" agreed the other detective, and Jane couldn't help but smile. "I'm Detective Whittier, and this is Detective Ritter. It's a little unorthodox, but we're about to interview the girlfriend now. You're welcome to sit in."

"I'd like that," said Jane. "Thank you." She handed Jason a copy of her card and quickly scribbled her cell number on the back. "Please text or call me with any updates, okay?"

"I will," Jason promised, then turned to go back to work.

Elizabeth Shipley was sitting in the back of an open ambulance, where EMTs were treating a nasty cut on her forehead. Her eyes were filled with the thousand-yard stare of someone who was in complete shock following a horrible tragedy. Under normal circumstances, Liz would be incredibly beautiful, average height with red hair and green eyes, but right now she seemed meek and scared, and Jane's heart ached to look at her. Had she come here to reconcile with Claire? Had they already talked about it, or had their chance been lost forever? Jane remembered her own terror over Maura's injuries a month prior and felt a surge of sympathy and affection for this poor girl.

"Miss Shipley," said Detective Ritter, "can you tell us what happened?"

"I… I don't know what happened. We were walking along, and then someone pushed me into the dumpster. I hit my head, and when I woke up, Claire was…" She broke off in wracking sobs.

"What side of Claire were you walking on?" asked Ritter.

"Her right," replied Liz thickly.

The first wound on Claire's head had been on her right side, thought Jane, and then hated herself for thinking it.

Clearly, the detectives were following the same line of thought. They exchanged significant glances with one another before continuing their interview. "Did you run into Claire at all when you were pushed?" asked Whittier.

"Yes," said Liz, squinting to try and remember, "I think I did."

"Did you hit her along her front or her back?"

"I don't know. It all happened so fast."

If Jane had a nickel for every time she'd heard that, she'd be a millionaire. Even Maura had once said it in the hospital after her mother had been hit by a car.

"So someone pushed you past Claire and you hit the dumpster and got knocked out," said Ritter. "You didn't see or hear anyone coming?"

"No. We were s-singing," stuttered Liz, her lips trembling as she tried to hold off her tears. "We were laughing and… Oh, God…" Sobs overtook her, and Jane knew they'd get nothing more out of her tonight. They left her alone at the ambulance, the detectives escorting Jane back to the yellow tape that sectioned off the crime scene. Jane thanked them for letting her tag along, traded business cards with them, then ducked under the tape and began wandering back to her car, her head spinning.

"Instructor Rizzoli?" said yet another familiar voice, and Jane turned to see Kyle Purkitt standing very close to her. "Are you alright?"

"Kyle," she said slowly. "What are you doing here?"

 _It was him_ , she thought instantly, her detective instincts ringing alarm bells in her brain. _It was him._

"I was across town doing some shopping when I heard from my friend that Claire Marks was killed. I came as soon as I could. Is it true?"

"Yeah," growled Jane. _But you already knew that because you killed her, you bastard!_

He came even closer and put his hand on her arm. "I'm so sorry. I know you two were close."

She ripped her arm out of his grip, feeling nauseous again. Knowing she had to get out of there before she said or did something stupid, she said coldly: "Goodnight, Kyle." Then she spun on her heel and marched back to her car.

Several hours later as she was still crying with Maura over a video call, her phone vibrated with an incoming text. It was from Jason, and it said: "They just arrested Liz at the hospital on first degree murder charges. We need to talk."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~*~*~PlEaSe NoTe ThE rAtInG cHaNgE~*~*~
> 
> From here on out we're in M territory, and I'm not going to warn you about it again.

Jane entered the Bitter Bureau and dropped into the booth across from Jason and Abigail. Jason immediately slid her a beer over the tabletop, which she accepted wordlessly. They both looked as bad as she felt. She hadn't slept since visiting the crime scene almost 24 hours before, and from the looks of it, neither had they.

Holding out his beer bottle, Jason said, "To Claire."

"To Claire," murmured Abigail and Jane, and they all clinked their bottles and drank. For a long moment none of them said anything, each struggling privately with their grief. Jason had an arm wrapped firmly around his wife, and Jane was jealous that his lover was sitting right beside him, while hers was miles away in Boston. She missed Maura now more than ever, and it was like an echo chamber for the pain of losing Claire. Her only consolation was that Maura would be arriving at BWI in two days. Maura had wanted to push the date up, but Jane thought it would be better to give her a few more days to physically recover before she had to go through the ordeal of traveling on an airplane.

"Listen," Jason said finally, breaking the silence, "there's no way Liz did this. There's no motive. She was here to reconcile."

"I believe you," said Jane at once. "And I think I know who really did do it. There's a kid in one of my classes who was at the crime scene for no good reason. He was here at the bar, too, the night we first met. He bought me a drink, but I gave it to Claire instead. I been thinking about this a lot, and I bet he killed Claire because he was jealous of her relationship with me."

Jason and Abigail both stared at her in disbelief.

"Did you tell the police?" asked Abigail.

"Yeah. I spoke with one of the homicide detectives who's working the case and they questioned him. They said he has an alibi, and he can prove it. Apparently he was in a cab at the time, and he's got receipts because he paid in cash."

"So, then, he couldn't have done it," Abigail said delicately.

But Jane shook her head. "I'm telling you, you just gotta trust me. I'm very good at this. This is what I do. But we can get to all that later. What I wanna know is what happened with the autopsy." She looked at Jason expectantly.

"Not much," he said regretfully. "It's just like I told you. Two blows, the first killed her, the second was embellishment. We didn't find any DNA on her. I was able to confirm that the bat you found was the murder weapon, but the crime lab says there were no prints or DNA on it either. She had alcohol in her system, but she wasn't drunk. She was well under the legal limit."

Jane waited, but he seemed to be finished. It was so strange to hear this kind of information from someone other than Maura. She'd forgotten how unusual it was to meet someone who was as thorough as her. "I want Maura to take a look when she gets here," she said. "No offense, but you'll understand when you meet her."

"None taken," Jason assured her. "If you think it'll help, I'll officially request a consult from her."

"It'll help." Leaning back in her seat, Jane said, "I also want to go talk to people at the bar, see if anyone knows anything. Do you guys know about the place?"

"Yes," said Abigail. "I've been there. It's called Fuchsia. It's a lesbian bar. I would… I would go there with Claire sometimes." She sniffled, and Jane reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "But Jane, is it really a good idea for you to get involved? Shouldn't we leave this to the police?"

"The police have already arrested their suspect. They won't be motivated to pursue the case any longer. They're probably bogged down with murders and they're trying to finish this one up as soon as they can. If they got the wrong person, well, they figure she'll be acquitted at trial."

Looking horrified, Abigail said, "We can't let Liz go to trial! She's innocent!"

"Exactly," said Jane. "So I'm going to keep poking around, see what I can find out." The reality of Claire's death hit her yet again with another sick wave, and she took a deep swig of her beer. "It helps, too. It helps to know you're doing what you can to figure out what happened. I've been in this situation before."

"Then how can I help?" asked Abigail. "I can't sit here doing nothing while you two are working on this."

"You could come with me to the bar," suggested Jane. "If I don't have someone there who knows the same people Claire knows, I'll have to resort to asking random people if they knew her."

Smiling wryly, Jason said, "Did you just ask my wife out right in front of me?"

"Believe me, you've got no competition in me," Jane said. "Again, you'll understand when you meet Maura. Not that she's necessarily better than you, Abigail, but you're not weird enough for me."

Before leaving to pick up Abigail to go to Fuchsia the next day, Jane spent time on a video call with Maura to get her help yet again in picking out an outfit. "What kind of vibe are you trying to put out into the world?" asked Maura thoughtfully, considering the woman on her screen.

"What kind of _vibe_?" repeated Jane incredulously. "Really, Maura?"

"Yes, really! Your clothes are a statement that you make to everyone who looks at you, Jane."

"Ah, yes, silly me. In that case, the statement I want to make at the bar is ' _I don't want you to see me naked so I'm wearing clothes._ '"

Rolling her eyes, Maura said, "You're impossible sometimes. Have you really forgotten so much about being a detective? You can learn a lot about someone from their appearance."

"Okay then, Dr. Freud of Fashion, what does my outfit say about me?" Jane spread her arms wide and looked down at herself. She was wearing a tank top and pajama pants, even though it was seven PM.

"It says," began Maura slowly, "that you are sad about losing your friend, so you didn't leave your apartment all day. And it says that you're comfortable enough with me that you can not only let me see you wearing that, but you also don't mind me knowing that you're sad and you didn't leave your apartment all day. You are telling me with your outfit what you're too guarded to tell me with your words."

Jane blinked in surprise. She'd been expecting a humorous response, but instead she gotten a freakishly accurate description of her mental state. And she realized that it _had_ been a conscious decision not to change before calling Maura, knowing that Maura would understand and wouldn't judge her for still being in her pajamas. "Damn," she said. "Nothing gets past you, does it?"

"When it comes to you, no. Except I did somehow manage to overlook the fact that you were in love with me."

"Pfft," said Jane, waving the comment away. "That doesn't count. I didn't know it either until Korsak's wedding, and then you had brain damage so… You're excused on that one."

"Thank you. Now get up and try something on. You've got a murder to solve."

Jane ended up settling on a pair of jeans and a tucked-in button-up shirt, which Maura assured her was the perfect mix of casual and professional. Then she teased Jane by telling her to make sure to keep track of how many women hit on her because she "needed to keep her eye on her competition." Laughing, Jane assured her that Angelina Jolie could come up and offer to be her sex slave and there would _still_ be no competition for Maura.

On the drive to the lesbian bar that night, Abigail looked at Jane and said, "I doubt the FBI is going to be happy that you're poking your nose around in this."

"I know," said Jane grimly. "But it's worth getting in trouble if we can get the real killer. If I lose my job over it, then… Oh well. I'm cooling on Virginia, anyway. Claire was my best friend here. Now that she's gone… All I really want is to go home to Maura."

Abigail smiled at her, endeared by her openness. "That's sweet. I can't wait to meet this woman. She must be something really special if she managed to snag you."

"You have no idea," replied Jane fondly, thinking of her earlier conversation with Maura.

They parked in the lot at the bar and headed inside. There was a cover charge of ten dollars that Jane paid for both her and Abigail, asserting that since she'd asked Abigail out, she ought to pay. Abigail laughed and shook her head as she followed Jane's tall, lanky form inside the building.

The bar was packed with women. It was Saturday night and it seemed like every lesbian in the DC metropolitan area must be here. Jane used her height and long arms to her advantage at the bar to get them both beers. While she was waiting for their drinks a very interested woman tried to engage her in conversation, and she politely but firmly communicated that she was here with someone. She gestured to Abigail, who was waiting out of earshot, and the woman pouted and left her alone.

When she got back to Abigail, she said, "I had to pretend you were my date to get someone away from me. Sorry about that."

"No problem," said Abigail cheerfully. "You're out of my league, so it's pretty flattering, actually. Gives me serious lesbian cred. Not that I really need it, but still."

Blushing, Jane decided to change the topic. "See anyone you recognize?" Jane asked. "I'm flying blind here."

Abigail peered through the darkness at all the people present, studying each face as they passed before her eyes. "Whenever I came here with Claire we would sit over there," she said, pointing to the far corner. "Maybe it's because that's her usual spot."

"Good thinking," said Jane. "Let's go."

Over in the other corner of the bar it was somewhat quieter. The music wasn't as loud here, but there was still the noise of dozens of women talking and laughing loudly. As soon as they got to the area that Abigail had indicated, her eyes lit up with recognition. "There!" she said excitedly. "I know them!"

Even if Abigail hadn't pointed them out, Jane thought she'd have guessed that these were people who knew Claire, because they were all quiet and subdued. It was a group of six women, and they were packed together in a large booth, their heads together as they discussed what must be a very serious topic, because several of the women were crying.

The two of them approached the table and the women looked up. They recognized Abigail immediately and stood to greet her with warm, compassionate hugs. "Hey guys," said Abigail as she embraced each woman in turn. Once she'd gotten to everyone, she gestured to Jane. "This is my friend Jane Rizzoli. She'd like to ask you guys a few questions about Claire. Do you mind if we sit?"

One of the women, a butch girl with a shaved head and huge plug earings, eyed Jane dubiously. "You a cop?" she asked.

"Not anymore," Jane replied, and everyone at the table relaxed a little.

"Are you a friend of Dorothea?" asked another girl.

"I'm not from around here, so no, I don't think I know a Dorothea," answered Jane, and everyone at the table laughed. "What did I say?"

The woman with the plugs clarified, "She's asking if you're gay."

"Oh," said Jane. It had already occurred to her that she might be able to use her own relationship with Maura to form trust between herself and the group. They must be on edge because they knew that Liz had been arrested for the murder, and they also must not believe it was Liz who'd done it. Considering all this, she decided to tell the truth. "Not exactly, but I do have a girlfriend." Impulsively, she added: "Would you like to see her?"

Without waiting for an answer, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and navigated to one of her favorite photos of her and Maura. It had been taken after their marathon more than seven years ago, and they were both wearing their P.U.K.E. leotards with their arms wrapped around each other. Both of them were laughing. She smiled at the picture for a second, then turned the phone around for the women at the table to see. They all leaned in for a closer look, and then whistles of appreciation went around the group. Jane laughed. "She's going to love it when I tell her a bunch of lesbians wolf-whistled at her picture. Can we sit now?"

There was a shuffle as they all squished together to make room for Jane and Abigail to join them. It was good that they were sitting so close, because it made it easier to hear one another. It was like they were insulating themselves against all the outside noise. Jane asked for their first names only, and they went around the table and gave them. "So what do you want to know, Not-Gay Former Cop With a Hot Girlfriend?" asked the girl with the plugs, who's name was Mo.

"No need to be so formal. You can call me Jane," said Jane with an amused smile. "Let me preface this by saying I'm not doing an official investigation here, so there's no reason to lie. I'm not a cop, and if you're worried I'm going to get you in trouble, don't. I'm just trying to find out what really happened to Claire, okay? You all got that?" Everyone around the table nodded. "Good. Now, were any of you here two nights ago while Claire and Liz were here?"

"We were," said one girl, Tori, indicating herself and another young woman who's hand she was holding. "We had a couple of drinks with them, but they left before us."

"Did anything strike you as odd between them? Were they fighting?"

"Um, no," said Tori, giggling a little. "They were, um…"

"Hardcore making out on the dance floor," supplied her girlfriend.

Jane couldn't help her sad smile. It comforted her that at least Claire's final hours were happy ones. She pulled a tissue from the dispenser and dabbed at her eyes. "Sorry," she said, embarrassed. "I really liked Claire, so this is…"

"No need to explain, Mama," said Mo, who's standoffishness finally seemed to be fading as Jane began to show her true colors. "Ask your questions. We're with you."

"Thanks," Jane said to her. To the general group, she asked, "Did Claire ever mention anything about maybe being followed, or getting any strange letters or phone calls or anything?"

"Yes," said one woman angrily. Her name was Carol, and she looked to be a bit older than Jane herself. "And I mentioned that to the cops that night, and they told me there wasn't enough cause to investigate it."

"What did Claire say, specifically?"

"She said there was a neighbor who lived in the building across the street who she thought might be spying on her. She was never sure, but she thought sometimes she could see a telescope at the window."

"Do any of you know where she lived?"

Everyone shook their heads. "Claire was so hung up on Liz," explained Carol. "she never took anyone home with her. We were bar friends, but that was it."

Another sad smile crossed Jane's lips. "That does sound like her," she said. "She loved Liz, alright." They all paused as they reflected on their grief. Then, plowing on, Jane said, "How often did Claire come here? Do you know?"

"I'm here almost every night," said Mo. "I would see her in here almost every Thursday and Saturday night."

"Thursdays?" asked Abigail. "Really?"

"There's a drink special," explained Mo. "Thirsty Thursdays. Two dollar pints. That's why she brought Liz here, I bet."

"Have there been any incidents here in the last few months?" Jane asked Mo, wondering if it had hurt to stretch her earlobes that wide but deciding not to ask.

"What kind of incidents?"

"Scuffles, people loitering, people getting thrown out, that kind of thing?"

"Happens all the time," was Mo's flippant reply. "You'd have to ask the bouncer about 'em though. I come here to dance, drink, and ogle some fine ladies. I'm not so into the drama."

"Alright," said Jane. "Then I just have one more question, and we'll be on our way. Do any of you recognize this man?" She pulled up a picture of Kyle on her phone and held it out. When everyone shook their heads "no," Jane and Abigail stood from the table. "Thanks very much for your time, everyone. We really appreciate it."

The table of women rose and hugs were exchanged all around. "Come back soon, Mama," said Mo, slapping Jane on the back. "And bring your lady next time."

"I might do that, thanks," said Jane, warmed by the idea of Maura being "her lady."

"What do you think?" asked Abigail as they wormed their way through the crowds back towards the door. "Anything useful?"

"Maybe," said Jane thoughtfully. "Let's talk to the bouncer before we go."

The bouncer was the largest woman Jane had ever seen. She was at least a foot taller than herself, and several times as wide. She looked like she could crush tiny Abigail under her pinky toe. Jane introduced herself and lied smoothly: "I'm a private investigator looking into a stalking case for a client who is a patron at the bar." Holding out the picture of Kyle, she asked, "Have you seen this guy here before?"

"Yeah," said the bouncer, peering at the picture. "Caught the little twerp trying to climb the wall and look in the back window about two weeks ago. He was trying to peep in to the bathroom. I tossed him on his ass and he went running before I could get the cops out here."

"What day of the week was it? Do you remember?"

"It was a Thursday."

"Would you mind describing what he was wearing?"

"Black. Black jeans, black hoodie. Had the hood up when I found him, but I yanked it off when I pulled him down the wall and I got a good look at him. That was the guy for sure."

Nodding, Jane slid her phone back into her pocket. "Thanks very much. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Hey, let me give you my card, just in case you want to talk about it some more. Or, you know, anything else. You can call me any time, day or night." She winked at Jane as she held out her card. Behind her, Jane could hear the sound of Abigail smothering her laughter.

"Oh, um, that's very nice of you, but I'm actually seeing someone." Jane thought it felt damn good to say that.

"Who, that puny chick?" asked the bouncer, pointing at Abigail.

"No, not her. Someone else."

The bouncer looked around the general area. There was no one else around. "I don't see nobody else," she said, spreading her arms out wide. "But I'm standing right here, baby. Take the card."

Without further protest, Jane took the card and pocketed it. "Thanks. Goodnight, then."

"Night, sweetie."

She and Abigail laughed all the way back to the car. It felt good after the emotional exhaustion of the last two days. "You're very popular with the ladies, Jane," said Abigail. "I'm surprised Mo didn't give you her number, too. She was checking you out the whole time."

"I don't understand," said Jane, exasperated. "It's like the minute my relationship with Maura changed, I started giving off lesbian pheramones. I get hit on by women all the time now. And not just here, too. The other day the cashier at the grocery store wrote her number on the back of my receipt."

"Did you call?"

"Oh, yeah," said Jane sarcastically. "We had a great time. I'll be sure to invite you to the wedding."

Once they were in the car, reality came back to them as they both considered what they'd learned. "You were right about Kyle," Abigail observed. "He must have been following Claire, right?"

"Maura would say that we don't know that for sure. He could have been following anyone. Or he could have a thing for lesbians peeing. Who knows?"

"But you have to admit, it's a strange coincidence that he was at the bar on the same night as Claire."

"I'm willing to admit that, yes. After all, I'm the one flashing his picture around. But this is all speculation unless we can get some hard evidence. And if we can't negate his alibi then the cops won't give us the time of day."

"What's the next step?" Abigail asked eagerly. "What should we do now?"

"Well, I'm exhausted. I'm going to go home and go to bed. You're welcome to do whatever you want."

"That's not what I mean and you know it."

Jane sighed as she navigated the car onto the freeway to drop Abigail off at her home in Chevy Chase, Maryland. "I'm not sure. I think we'll have to take a break for a few days. I still have papers I need to grade before Maura gets here. Then once she's here she'll do her autopsy consult. If I know Maura, the next step of the investigation will become clear after that."

"You really have that much faith in her?"

"Absolutely. She'll find something, I'm sure of it."

It was late when Jane got home, so she texted Maura to see if she was awake. Her phone vibrated with an incoming call seconds later. "I'm sleeping," Maura said, and indeed it sounded as though she had been woken from sleep.

"Then why the hell would you call me? Go back to sleep."

"I wanted to hear your voice," said Maura, and Jane's heart melted. "What happened at the gay bar?"

"Nothing as exciting as the last time I went to a gay bar. I didn't get a direct look down your cleavage."

Maura laughed. "I'd forgotten about that."

"I didn't!" said Jane, climbing in to her bed as she spoke. "I mean… _Damn_. Even then I think I liked what I was seeing."

"No you didn't," protested Maura. "There's no way."

"I'm telling you, I did. I just didn't know it yet."

"Liar," said Maura lightly. Then, after a second, she admitted, "It was hard for me to think of you like that at first, you know. I had to get used to the idea. I had to do a few thought exercises around it."

"Are you saying you had to trick yourself into being attracted to me?"

"No. I've always been attracted to you, but I never considered you a legitimate possibility before. I had you placed in a different box in my mind, so I had to move you out of there bit by bit."

"And how did you do that?"

"Various ways," said Maura. "Mostly by picturing having sex with you."

Jane's breath escaped her lungs in a puff. "Jesus, Maura!"

"What? It's true. Lots of times when we're sitting together on Skype, I look at you and think about what it would be like to make love to you."

The idea that Maura was looking at her and imagining having sex was almost too hot for Jane to deal with. She was glad they weren't on a video call right then. Swallowing hard, Jane asked, "And what would it be like?"

With a dreamy sigh, Maura said, "Wonderful. I think it's going to be so wonderful. And it'll be so different with you, and not just because you're a woman. Do you want to know why?"

"Why?" breathed Jane, her heart racing in her chest.

"Because with other partners, I've had to assert myself to make it a pleasurable experience for me. Very few men really know how to please me, or care to do so. But with you I know it's going to be pleasurable, because for the first time _my_ pleasure will come from _yours_. There's nothing I want more than to touch you and kiss you everywhere. I'm going to feel good by making you feel good… And I definitely know I'll be able to make you feel good."

Maura's voice was low and sultry, and Jane felt like there was fire running through her veins at the sound of it. She'd never been more aroused in her life. "Maura," she said breathily, "you have to stop."

"Do I?" asked Maura, her words slow and serious. "Or do you want to know what I picture when I look at you?"

 _Oh god_ , thought Jane, squeezing her legs together against the insistant ache between them. She knew exactly what Maura was offering. A part of her wanted to shut this down, to end this before it went any further, but a much bigger part of her was desperate to feel a connection to Maura. Yes, she wanted to know how Maura pictured them together. And she discovered that she had absolutely no interest in stopping this conversation. "Tell me," she said finally, wondering if she was going to make it out of this alive or if Maura was going to kill her with her words and her sexy voice.

"I look at you in your tank top, and I picture what it would be like to lift it off you, to see you completely bare before me. I want to know what your breasts look like… what they feel like… what they taste like. I imagine taking one into my mouth. Would you like that, Jane?"

"Yes," whimpered Jane, her eyes closed, her phone pressed tight against her ear.

"I would, too. I want to feel your nipple, feel it harden against my tongue. I know it would feel so good."

"It would. I want to feel that, too, Maura," said Jane, her free hand going to her own breast against her will as she imagined Maura's mouth on her.

"I know you do, Jane, and that's why it feels so good to me, too. I want to please you so badly. I would touch every inch of your skin, kiss you all over."

"Please, Maura…" groaned Jane, her hand skimming down her stomach.

"But I wouldn't stop there. I want to feel all of you. I want to know what you feel like between your legs, too, how hot and wet you are… Oh, Jane…" Maura's sharp gasp made realization hit Jane like a ton of bricks.

"Maura, are you…?" she rasped, her blood turning to lava. She was so turned on that she could barely breathe.

"Yes, I'm touching myself thinking of you, Jane. Please, will you do it with me? I want to know that you're doing it too."

Jane slipped her hand beneath her panties, dipping her fingers in to her own wetness. She, too, gasped as her fingers made contact with her clit. "Yes, Maura. I'm doing it too. It feels so good," she moaned, rubbing circles over herself. She closed her eyes and imagined that Maura was with her, above her on the bed, looking down at her with lust and love. She imagined that it was Maura's fingers against her instead of her own, and the fantasy was so strong that it brought a new wave of moisture to her center. She moaned again, feeling a heady rush from knowing that Maura could hear her.

"I'm so wet from imagining touching you," panted Maura, the sound of her enraptured voice driving Jane wild. "Are you wet for me?"

"I am. I'm so _fucking_ wet, Maura," growled Jane between clenched teeth. "I want you _so_ bad."

" _God_ , I want to feel how wet you are," Maura said longingly. "I'm so close already just from imagining it. Are you close too, Jane?"

Jane hadn't needed Maura to tell her she was close. She could tell from her rapid, labored breathing. "Yes, I'm close. I want to hear you come. Please come for me, Maura," she begged breathlessly, her fingers moving furiously.

And with a strangled cry of Jane's name, Maura did. Listening to her was Jane's undoing, and her hips lifted off the bed as a powerful orgasm overtook her. She could vaguely hear Maura's encouragement as she tipped over the edge, but mostly she just heard the echoes of Maura's climax in her mind.

As she lay there catching her breath and listening to Maura do the same, Jane waited for the anticipated embarrassment and shame to sink in. But by the time her heart rate returned to normal, she realized it wasn't going to happen. Instead she only felt warm and happy and more connected to Maura than she ever had before. What reason did they have to feel shy with one another? The two of them shared so much already; why shouldn't they share this, too? Besides, Maura had clearly wanted this every bit as much as Jane had. Hell, she'd _initiated_ it.

"Jane," Maura ventured timidly, wondering if she'd gone too far. "Are you okay?"

"I'm very okay. You're incredible," Jane said with a sigh, her voice hoarse and spent. "I love you so much."

Maura's relief was palpable as she replied, "I love you too."

"I've never done that before," Jane confessed.

"Really? Not even…" she trailed off, not wanting to mention Casey by name at this intimate moment.

"Never," repeated Jane firmly. And it hadn't been for a lack of trying on his part, but Jane had always felt too self-conscious to go through with it. She hadn't felt as comfortable with him as she did with Maura. More than that, she'd _wanted_ to share this with Maura. Never in her life had she had such a burning desire for another person, and she knew she'd be willing to try pretty much anything Maura wanted to try because of that desire.

Smiling, Maura said, "That makes me feel very special. For the record, I haven't either."

"Seriously? But you're so… good at it."

"At the risk of sounding conceited, I think we'll find that I'm good at a lot of things I've never done before." She glowed with pleasure at the sound of Jane's laughter.

"If that's true, then I'm in big trouble. This was sexy enough; anything else might actually kill me."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was worried I'd made you uncomfortable."

"Not at all. This is going in the spank bank for sure."

Now it was Maura's turn to laugh. "Spank bank?"

"Yeah. You never heard that expression before?"

"No, but I can discern its meaning from context clues. And I should confess that I'm filing tonight away in mine as well. I can't wait to experience that with you in person."

Jane smiled. "Me either, Maur."

There was a pause before Maura said regretfully, "It's late. We should get some sleep."

"Okay," said Jane. "When you fall asleep tonight, I want you to imagine my arms around you, alright?"

"I always do, Jane."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a gift to you guys for being so patient, I've decided to update this much anticipated chapter a day early. Oh my god, I hope you like it.

For the first time in her life, Maura was nervous about seeing Jane.

She was excited, too, but she couldn't deny that the butterflies in her stomach were mostly from nervousness. It was ridiculous, really. They'd been so honest with each other and were so clearly on the same page about what they wanted and where they were headed, not to mention what they'd done on the phone a few nights earlier, and yet there was still an uncertainty that Maura couldn't help mulling over.

They hadn't seen each other in person since Jane had given her that letter. Since everything had changed between them.

Yes, they spoke on the phone and over Skype like they were in a romantic relationship now, because they _were_. But that was at a distance. They'd never interacted in person as more than friends. So when Maura stepped off this airplane and saw Jane waiting for her, should she greet her as a friend, or as a lover?

She knew what she _wanted_ to do, of course. She wanted to throw her arms around Jane and kiss her senseless, again and again and again until they'd made up for all the kisses they'd missed out on over the last ten years. But was that what Jane wanted? The last thing Maura wanted to do was make Jane uncomfortable. Comfort and familiarity were the hallmark characteristics of their friendship, and that was something Maura hoped to foster in their romance as well. For that reason she had resolved to continue to be honest with Jane, to tell her exactly what she wanted and ask if that was what Jane wanted, too. That way they could be in agreement about every step they took, so that every move made would be made together.

The plane encountered some turbulence and Maura was pleased that the jolt didn't cause her rib any pain. She wondered how much of her easy recovery could be attributed to how blissfully happy she'd been over the last month. Studies showed that a generally positive mental state could have a corresponding positive impact on the body's ability to heal from trauma, and Maura's mental state had been nothing short of euphoric. What could be more conducive to healing than to know that you have finally found the person you were going to grow old with? Maura was a woman who had been alone for most of her life, but those days were over now. And yes, Jane did live in Virginia, but Maura was sure now that this separation was temporary, and that someday soon they would find a way to be together full-time.

As she pondered these topics the plane began its final approach to the airport, and Maura's absurd, unfounded nervousness returned full-force. How were things with Jane going to be different? Would they still get along as well as they always had, or would they be reticent and shy? Focusing on taking deep, even breaths, Maura closed her eyes as the plane touched down, fending off an attack of hives.

One of the flight attendants helped Maura get her bag out of the overhead bin, a task that would still be too difficult and painful for Maura at this stage of her recovery. She was in first class so she was one of the first people out of the plane. Since she hadn't checked a bag she headed directly for the exit, turning on her phone as she walked, pulling her rolling suitcase along behind her. Once it was booted up she called Jane, but she got no response.

After getting past the security checkpoint she tried again, looking around to see if she could spot Jane as she did so. This time, Jane picked up. "Hey," Maura said. "I just left the security boundaries. Where are you?"

There was a tap on her shoulder, and Maura whirled around to find Jane grinning at her, her phone pressed against her ear. "I'm talking to you on the phone," Jane said in a conspiratorial whisper, showing her the screen with Maura's name displayed in the middle.

Maura laughed and dropped her phone in her purse, nervousness evaporating instantly. How could she have been worried about this? How could she ever feel uncertain around Jane, who was the most certain thing in her life? Nothing about this was going to feel uncomfortable or awkward. It didn't matter how she defined their relationship. Jane was just Jane, the woman she loved with all her heart, in every possible way.

Without reservation, Maura jubilantly threw her arms around Jane's neck and hugged her tightly, tighter than she ever had before. Jane's arms encircled her waist, bringing her even closer so that their bodies were pressed flush against each other. They had never hugged like this before. This was definitely a different type of hug, a hug between lovers instead of friends. For the first time they let themselves feel each other's bodies, and it felt so natural and effortless to both of them. Turning her head, Maura buried her face in Jane's neck, barely resisting the urge to lay kisses on the skin there. Instead she closed her eyes and basked in their togetherness, breathing in Jane's familiar scent, feeling safe and loved in Jane's arms. It felt like coming home after months of wandering aimlessly.

"God, I missed you," Jane murmured in to Maura's hair. "More than you could possibly know."

At this, Maura remembered in a rush everything that Jane had been going through over the last few days, and she felt tears well in her eyes. She pulled back slightly and placed a gentle, loving hand on Jane's cheek, looking up at her with such tenderness that Jane felt herself rocking on her heels. "How are you doing?" she asked, and Jane knew she wanted a real answer, not a casual brush-off of the question.

Laying her hand over top of Maura's, Jane answered, "A lot better now." It was the truth. Seeing Maura instantly put a cool, soothing balm over the burning cut from losing Claire.

"Good," Maura said. She withdrew from Jane's embrace, but let her hand trail down Jane's arm before taking her hand firmly in her own, lacing their fingers together. "Let's get out of here. Where's your car?"

"It's in the garage. This way." They held hands as they strolled through the airport, another first for them, and Jane felt as though they were the only two people on the planet as they went. She couldn't have cared less that there were people in the airport who would see them. Maura was the most miraculous woman in the world, and Jane was proud to have her by her side. "How's your rib?" she asked, letting their shoulders bump together as they walked. "Give you any trouble on the plane?"

"None at all. I'd say I'm at about 80% recovery. I have my full range of motion, but I have to be slow and careful. Sudden movements sometimes hurt."

"I remember," said Jane. "You know I once had three broken ribs at the same time?"

"What?" said Maura, appalled. "No! When was this?"

"Back when I was in uniform, long before I met you. During a chase the perp jumped out and surprised me. Apparently he had a background in karate or kung fu or something, because he did this crazy spinning kick that I never saw coming. The boot hit me right here." She placed her hand on her own rib cage, just under her breasts. "Cracked three of my ribs pretty bad. You can still feel the notches if you know where to look."

"Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry. That's horrible. The one rib was bad enough. I can't imagine three."

When they got to the car Jane reclaimed her hand reluctantly so she could put Maura's bag in the trunk. "Are you hungry?" she asked as she climbed into the driver's seat of the car and buckled her seatbelt. "The drive to my place is about half an hour, so if you want we could eat in the city first."

"Sure, that sounds nice," said Maura. "I could go for Chinese food. Do they have that here?"

"What do you mean, do they have that here? Where exactly do you think we are? Mars?" Jane threw Maura an exasperated look, and then she saw the proud grin on Maura's face. " _Damn_ ," she said, snapping her fingers in annoyance. "I don't know why I keep falling for that."

They went to one of Jane's favorite restaurants and sat by the window as night fell outside, sinking easily into the rhythm of their natural chemistry, their conversation and banter flowing as effortlessly as it always had. Over the tops of the buildings outside they could see the tip of the Washington Monument poking up towards the sky, lit by the high-powered lights at its base. Even though Jane knew all about its history already, she listened to Maura talk about it because she always threw in details that couldn't be read on any plaque. "After Washington's death everyone in congress agreed they ought to build a monument in his name, but there was a lot of squabbling about what sort of monument it should be. Many thought it should be equestrian in nature, but concerned citizens formed an action group to express their opinion. They believed the monument should _'blend stupendousness with elegance, and be of such magnitude and beauty as to be an object of pride to the American people, and of admiration to all who see it_.'" Maura recited the quote as easily as if she were reading it from a book.

"So they either wanted to build a big stone horse or a big stone penis, and they went with the penis. Sounds about right. God bless America." Jane saluted the monument with her chopsticks.

Laughing, Maura said, "It is rather phallic, isn't it? I remember telling my mother I thought so when I came here as a little girl. She was shocked I even knew what a phallus was."

"What? How old were you?"

"I must have been seven or eight."

"Seven or eight?! Maura, how _did_ you know what a phallus was?"

"Medical documentaries," said Maura defensively. "My mother was doing a lot of work at the Université de Paris at the time, and she would leave me in the library for hours at a time. I watched all sorts of documentaries while I was waiting, but the medical ones were my favorites. There was one on leprosy that I found utterly fascinating. I must have watched it at least fifteen times."

Jane stared at her, so many thoughts and feelings going through her mind. She was sad that Maura spent so much time alone in her childhood. She was impressed that young Maura had enjoyed gross, boring medical documentaries. She was in disbelief over the kinds of things that Maura found interesting. And above all, she was in love with just how weird and unique this woman was.

"Suffice to say," Jane said, deciding not to say any of those things right now, "we had very different interests as children. At eight I was a big fan of baseball and cop movies, not phalluses and leprosy."

"I never said I was a fan of leprosy."

"You might as well have. Wait… You're a fan of phalluses? And be very careful how you answer that, because this could have a serious impact on the long-term health of our relationship."

Maura smiled flirtatiously and said, "Jane, when we're a lot more comfortable with each other in that arena, I think you'll find there are all sorts of fun things out there we can try. And yes, some of those might involve a phallus." Before Jane could respond, she grabbed the check off the table and headed to the front register to pay the bill.

Once she'd recovered from her vivid fantasies, Jane rose and joined her, sliding her arm casually around Maura's slim waist. She was fascinated by how small Maura's body was after a lifetime of being with large men. The difference was startling but definitely appealing. She was in awe of how perfectly they fit together; it was almost like they were made for each other. They walked out of the restaurant like that, with Jane holding on to Maura in a way that was both affectionate and possessive. "I like this," Maura commented, leaning against Jane as they walked.

"Me too," Jane admitted. "Didn't really mean to do it, but I couldn't stop myself."

"Don't bother trying. You are always welcome to touch me."

"Okay," said Jane, pulling Maura closer against her.

As they drove to Quantico, Jane filled Maura in on what Jason had already told her about the autopsy, which wasn't much. Maura pried gently for all the details about the murder, which she hadn't wanted to do until they were in person and she could be there to hold Jane's hand. And hold her hand she did. Their hands were clasped almost the entire drive as Maura listened intently to Jane describing the specifics of the crime scene with the clinical precision of a practiced homicide detective.

Once they got to the apartment, Jane took Maura's bag out of the trunk and brought it up the stairs for her. The apartment was on the second floor. Maura waited patiently as Jane unlocked the front door. When she'd gotten it open, she stood back and let Maura walk in first before following her inside. She watched as Maura took in the place. Even though Jane had showed her the entire thing via Skype, and even though Maura saw it all the time on her computer screen, she still felt nervous about Maura's opinion.

After walking into the living room and looking around, Maura returned her attention to Jane, who was still standing by the front door, and said, "It looks bigger in person."

"You're only saying that because your computer screen is tiny."

"Possibly. I did somehow forget how tall you are." She approached Jane and rested her forearms on her shoulders, and indeed, she had to be reaching up to do it. "That's the same basic concept."

Automatically, Jane's arms came up to encircle Maura's waist, bringing her closer, again stunned by how tiny and feminine she was. Her arms could easily wrap all the way around Maura's body, completely enclosing her in her embrace. "It's weird that you're shorter than me," she said. "That's a first for me. Only ever been with taller people."

Maura was mesmerized by Jane's lips, and was barely even hearing what she was saying. "Jane?" she breathed.

"Yeah?"

"May I kiss you?"

Jane's heart beat twice as fast at the question. She tightened her grip on Maura's waist. "Yeah," she replied, her voice low and husky. When Maura cupped her face in her hands, she leaned down to meet Maura halfway.

At the first brush of their lips Maura felt her body erupt in tingles, and the tiny hairs at the nape of her neck stood on end. A shiver went through her, and because their bodies were pressed so closely together, she could feel a corresponding tremor go through Jane. The kiss was slow and measured and filled with love. With that kiss they crossed a line, closing the distance between their hearts. They had outgrown the boundaries of their friendship, and now they welcomed their future together as so much more. The kiss was a symbol of everything they could be to each other now that they were no longer restricted to the confines they'd been straining against for so long. Maura put her hand on the side of Jane's neck, rubbing her thumb along her jaw, and Jane's hands splayed out across the small of her back, holding her close. When they finally parted, Maura opened her eyes to see Jane staring right back at her, and to her shock there were tears glistening Jane's dark eyes.

Wanting more, Maura kissed her again, this time with greater pressure and purpose, taking Jane's top lip between her own, then slowly pulling back to do the same to the bottom. She slid her hand into Jane's hair and cupped the back of her neck. Jane's lips were so soft, and it felt so _right_ , and then Jane's hands were sliding up her back as she returned the kiss slowly and lovingly, as though she were trying to memorize every single detail of this moment. When she felt Jane's tongue swipe questioningly at her bottom lip, she opened for her, and she whimpered at the first touch of Jane's warm, silky tongue against her own, tightening her arms around Jane's shoulders to bring them closer and deepen the kiss even further.

There was no way to know how long that kiss went on. Jane was drowning in Maura, in her body against hers, in her arms around her neck, in her mouth melding with hers. Everything else in the world fell away as she sank in to Maura, feeling complete for the first time in her life. She'd waited ten years for this moment. Hell, she'd waited her entire life for this moment. Maura was perfect and precious in her arms, and she tried to convey that in every movement of their lips pressed together.

They separated reluctantly but rested their foreheads against each other, their noses brushing as they stood contently in each other's arms. Maura reached out to wipe away a salty tear that had escaped Jane's eye. She had tasted salt from Jane's tears in their kiss and it had moved her deeply, her heart aching with her love for Jane. "Why are you crying?" she whispered.

"I don't know," said Jane with a little laugh. "I guess I never thought I'd actually get to do that."

"But surely you knew it would happen during this visit, right?"

"Logic is not a part of this, Maura. It never has been. Not for me."

"Fair point," said Maura, smiling when Jane took the initiative and kissed her again, and this time they did not part until they were well acquainted with each other, their lips and their tongues and their mouths. It left Maura breathless, and finally she had to force herself to spend what little air she had on words instead of the kiss. "Jane?" she asked on an uneven breath.

"Yeah?"

"Will you come to bed with me?"

Arousal shot through Jane like lightning. Pulling back to look Maura in the eye, she said, "I want to, but…" She gently placed her hand against Maura's midriff, right where the bruising had been four weeks before. The gasp it pulled from Maura was not because of pain. "Are you sure you're up for it? I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry, you won't. As I said, I have my full range of motion now." Maura leaned close and put her mouth against Jane's ear. "But… We will have to go slowly and carefully. No sudden movements." She ran her tongue along the shell of Jane's ear, and she felt Jane shiver against her. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay," said Jane weakly.

"Good," said Maura. Then she deliberately pulled away from Jane, taking her hand to lead her to the bedroom as confidently as if they were in her own house in Boston. When they got there she spared a quick moment to glance around before turning her full focus back to Jane, who smiled at her as she leaned in to pick up their kiss where they'd left off.

It was incredible and surreal and weird and normal and sexy and comfortable all at the same time. They undressed each other slowly, fingers and lips exploring new skin as it was revealed. Maura kissed all the places she'd fantasized about kissing; the spot behind Jane's ear, her graceful neck, the soft skin of her shoulder. She ran her fingers alone Jane's collarbone, tracing it as she'd wanted to do for so long. Then she put her fingertips on Jane's ribcage and murmured, "Where?"

Jane put her hands over Maura's and led her to the notches from when she'd been injured many years before. Maura felt them gently with her fingers before ducking down and kissing each spot lovingly, drawing a whimper from Jane. It was intensely personal, and in that moment Jane felt herself fall in love with this woman all over again. She put her hands on either side of Maura's face, coaxing her up so that she could meet her eyes. She ran her thumbs over Maura's cheekbones and whispered, "I love you."

It was the first time Maura had heard her say it in person, and it brought tears to her eyes. "I love you, too," she replied, although she felt the words absurdly inadequate for describing the depths of her feelings for Jane. So to make up for their shortcomings, she kissed her, pouring as much love and devotion in to it as she possibly could. In Jane's return she could feel all the things that Jane wasn't able to express, too, matching her passion in every movement.

When the time came to remove Maura's slacks, Jane dropped to her knees in front of Maura, lavishing attention on her toned stomach and cute bellybutton as she unbuttoned and unzipped the garment. She pulled Maura's pants and panties down at the same time, then sat back on her heels to absorb the unbelievably breathtaking sight of a naked Maura Isles in her bedroom. She was struck again by how _female_ she was, all curves and grace and beauty. It made her breath catch in her throat, made her heart hammer in her chest. She'd never seen anything so sexy, had never wanted anyone so desperately. Her fingers itched to touch Maura, to trace every curve of her body that was so similar and yet so different from her own.

"Jane," Maura said, tugging on Jane's hand insistently. "Come here."

Jane stood and let herself be directed towards the bed, Maura working the clasp of her jeans as they went. When Jane was naked too, Maura pushed her gently but firmly down onto the bed, pressing her on her back and laying herself over top of her, covering her like a blanket. They both gasped at the exquisite feeling of their bare skin touching from head to toe, their breasts pressed together, their legs intertwined. "You're so soft, Maura," Jane said, her voice infused with wonder and arousal. She ran her hands up the smooth skin of Maura's back, spreading her fingers to cover as much surface area as she could. "You feel so good."

"So do you," replied Maura as she kissed Jane deeply, letting even more of her weight rest comfortably atop Jane, holding herself up only slightly with her elbows on either side of Jane's head. She shifted so that one of her knees was pressed between Jane's legs, gasping in to her mouth when she felt wetness against her leg. _She's already so wet and we've barely even done anything_ , she thought. And she knew she was in the same state; she could feel her own wetness coating her inner thighs. _I can't wait any longer. I need to make her come right now._ Running her hand along Jane's side, she took hold of one of Jane's thighs to bring it up against her own hip. Taking the hint, Jane wrapped her leg around Maura's waist, her head falling back against the pillow as Maura ground her thigh against her center. "You have no idea how much I want you, Jane," she murmured against Jane's skin as she moved her kisses down Jane's neck.

" _God_ , Maura," groaned Jane as Maura rocked against her. "Don't stop. Please don't stop." She tangled one hand in Maura's hair and put the other on Maura's hip to guide her along, loving the smooth and feminine way she moved, moving her own hips to match her thrusts. She could feel her orgasm building quickly, far quicker than she'd expected, and without warning it crashed over her in rolling waves that took her away from everything except the feeling of Maura's body against hers.

Maura watched her with hungry eyes, kissing her lovingly when she felt the last remnants of tension leave Jane's body. Before Jane had completely recovered she left her lips, shifting her body down so she was level with Jane's breasts. She delicately traced one of Jane's nipples with her tongue. Then she drew it into her mouth, feeling it harden into a point against her tongue. None of the fantasies she'd ever entertained could do justice to the reality of this, to the stark truth of knowing that she was allowed to touch Jane, to make love to her. She moved across Jane's chest to the other nipple, taking it lightly between her teeth and teasing the very tip of it with her tongue. After a bit, she returned to Jane's mouth, and Jane brought their lips together with desperation and urgency. Maura spoke softly into her mouth: "I want to taste you. Will you let me?"

Helplessly aroused, Jane could do nothing but whimper and nod, pressing her lips together as Maura kissed her way down her body. Maura stopped briefly to tease Jane's navel with sexy, suggestive licks that made hard abdominal muscles just under the skin clench before smiling up at Jane and moving on. Finally Maura settled between Jane's legs, looking up again to take in the open expression of desire on Jane's face before devoting herself to her task. Jane was even wetter now, the crisp hairs between her legs glistening in the room's low light. Clearly Jane wanted this a great deal, and knowing that nearly drove Maura mad with a burning need to satisfy her. She took her time, though, lifting one of Jane's knees over her shoulder and kissing her way leisurely up her inner thigh.

When she was directly in front of Jane's center, Maura inhaled the scent of her arousal deeply before finally dipping her tongue between the wet folds. She lapped at her greedily, attempting to collect every drop that Jane had to offer. She ran her tongue all along the length of her, slowly and thoroughly reaching every single bit of her before focusing in on the spot where Jane needed her most. Alternating between hardening and softening her tongue, she selfishly drew out Jane's pleasure as long as she could, pulling away when she could tell Jane was close. She wanted this to never end. She wanted to do it forever.

"Maura, _please,_ " Jane finally begged loudly as her head fell back onto the bed, her hands burying themselves in Maura's thick hair, squeezing tight as though hanging on for dear life. She was so turned on, so much more than she'd ever been in her entire life, and when at last Maura mercifully wrapped her lips around Jane's clit and sucked, she came hard against her mouth with such strength that she lifted her hips off the bed, forcing Maura to hold on tight to keep her mouth in place. She cried out Maura's name as she fell over the edge, giving voice to the only thing on her mind at that moment, the woman she loved more than life itself.

When she came down from her orgasm she tugged Maura back up to her, needing to kiss her _immediately_ , which she did as soon as Maura had returned. She tasted herself in that kiss, and she realized with astonishment that it only served to arouse her all the more. "I love you, Jane," she felt more than heard Maura say over the pounding of her own heart, her tongue flicking against Jane's lips as she spoke.

"I love you, too," Jane replied, meeting Maura's eyes and melting at what she saw there. Maura was usually somewhat guarded, a little cautious, but not now. Even if the words had not been said, Jane would have known beyond all doubt that Maura loved her at that moment. As soon as the feeling in her limbs returned she gently urged Maura on to her back, following right along with her to settle on top of her, being careful not to put too much weight on her. She was intent on making sure Maura understood just how very much she loved her too.

It surprised Maura a little, because even if Jane had expressed no desire to touch her in return, this still would have already stood out as the most satisfying sexual encounter of her life by a long shot. Touching and tasting Jane had been an almost spiritual experience, and Maura could have happily curled up next to her and gone to sleep and felt completely content.

But clearly Jane didn't feel the same way. She shared Maura's hunger to touch as well as be touched. Jane's hands began to roam and explore the gorgeous woman beneath her, and it was all Maura could do to keep from melting at the slow, leisurely touches that were driving her higher than she'd ever been before. "You're so beautiful, Maur," Jane whispered, and Maura smiled at her. Jane took both breasts in her hands, using her thumbs to rub circles over the nipples. As she did so she kissed her way down Maura's neck, nipping lightly with her teeth occasionally, drawing sexy moans from Maura that made her smile against her skin.

When Jane's long fingers finally slipped between Maura's legs, she moaned as she realized that Maura was just as wet as she was, if not more so. She pushed her fingers into Maura's wetness to circle her clit slowly, and Maura spread her legs wider to welcome her touch. Then she begged, "Please, Jane, I need to feel you inside me." Jane shivered at the request and immediately complied, and Maura gasped as two of those long fingers filled her deliciously. Jane whimpered with pleasure as she entered Maura, completely overwhelmed by the tight, hot, velvety softness that seemed to pull her further inside.

_Jane is inside me_ , thought Maura incredulously, wildly aroused. The thought of it alone was nearly enough to make her come. But it was the intimacy of the moment that made her head spin, her mind and her body equally filled with Jane, who's dark eyes watched her with a mixture of desire, love, affection, and disbelief. She kissed Jane desperately, needing her to somehow be even closer than they already were, moaning as she accepted Jane's tongue into her mouth the same way she accepted her fingers down lower, wanting to take even more of Jane within her.

Jane curled her fingers as they were buried deep inside Maura, pulling away from the kiss only enough to watch her face. Their noses brushed together and their labored breaths mingled as Jane looked for clues that would indicate that she had located what she was searching for. After a moment it happened. Maura's eyes widened and then slammed shut, and she groaned, "Yes, right there, Jane! Oh _god.._." And Jane resumed the passionate kiss as she repeated the motion that had elicited the reaction.

Already so close to the edge, it only took a few thrusts of Jane's hand before Maura was arching her back in orgasm, coming apart in Jane's arms and at her touch, ripping her lips from Jane's to cry out her release. Jane was certain she'd never been happier than she was at that moment, watching Maura climax from so close she could see the veins standing out on her neck, and feeling Maura's walls pulsing around her fingers. _I did that to her_ , she thought, tears prickling behind her eyes. Not even Maura's mouth on her had been as gratifying and fulfilling as this.

"Maura," she whispered reverently as she regretfully withdrew her fingers and placed soft kisses all over Maura's face, her forehead, her eyebrows, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her chin, and her lips. "God, I love you so much."

Maura hugged her tightly and buried her face in the nape of Jane's neck, her reply muffled but unmistakable.

They spent the rest of the evening in bed, more or less, except for the time when Jane got up to bring them glasses of water. The sight of Jane waltzing around the apartment in the nude without a shred of self-consciousness was too much for Maura, who left the bed and followed her out of the bedroom, and then they made love in Jane's tiny, pathetic kitchen. Jane insisted afterwards that it completely made up for the lack of counter space.

"No it doesn't," Maura replied, and then she quickly drained her glass of water before pushing Jane back towards the bedroom. "Hurry up with that. I'm not even close to being finished with you yet."

"So bossy," Jane said, but she chugged her water, put her cup down on the counter, and walked backwards into the bedroom with the naked Dr. Maura Isles wrapped up in her arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Maura almost didn't make it to the police station on time the next morning.

Upon waking and finding Jane still asleep next to her, Maura couldn't resist waking her with teasing, suggestive touches. Their lovemaking had been wonderfully slow and sleepy and warm. Afterwards they had showered together in Jane's egregiously tiny shower. It was so small that their bodies were pressed flush against each other, and yet somehow Maura still couldn't get close enough to Jane. Actual shower duties had been an afterthought, hair and bodies leisurely and lovingly washed only after Maura insisted she absolutely could not take another orgasm. Jane really had her number, despite the fact that they'd only spent one night together so far. But it was because Jane observed Maura with the same fastidious attention with which she observed everything else in her life. She was intent on learning exactly what Maura liked and exactly how she liked it.

And Maura did like it, so much more than she'd anticipated she would - and she'd anticipated liking it a _lot_. It was a little surprising considering how just a month ago she'd been fretting to Tommy over her difficulties with thinking of Jane as a sexual partner. But it was safe to say that issue was completely resolved now. She was ravenous for Jane; insatiable, even. It was a little scary. She'd always enjoyed sex, but she'd never _wanted_ anyone the way she wanted Jane. It was bone-deep, like a hunger that she needed to satisfy over and over again.

Thinking about it made her shiver as she signed in at the visitor's desk at the Washington DC Police Headquarters, and as she clipped her visitor's badge to the front of her dress she attempted to place her inappropriate thoughts of Jane back into the box in her mind where they'd been carefully and willfully hidden for so many years. It worked a little, but not nearly as well as it had before last night, before she'd learned what Jane tasted like, how it felt to be inside her, what she looked like when she came. _I slept with Jane_ , she thought gleefully, and her stomach did a happy flip and warmth flooded her whole body. _We actually slept together!_

As the memories from the night before rushed back another shiver went through her. _Stop that, Dr. Isles,_ she scolded herself. _You have a job to do._

"Dr. Isles?" said a voice, and Maura looked up to find a tall, well-built, handsome man headed her way. He had sandy blonde hair and lovely blue eyes, and even just a few months earlier Maura might have thought he was attractive, but now she thought he paled in comparison to the perfection that was Jane Rizzoli. "I'm Dr. Jason Johnson, but you can call me Jason. Thank you so much for coming."

"It's no trouble at all. And please, call me Maura. I was so sorry to hear about Claire. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," said Jason with a sad smile. "We were friends for a long time. She introduced me to my wife."

"From what Jane has told me, it sounds like she was very special. I can't bring her back, but the least I can do is help you figure out who did this to her."

"I hope you can help with that. While we stand here there's an innocent woman in prison who needs to be at home grieving with her loved ones. Why don't we head downstairs and we can get started?"

Jason led Maura to the morgue. Like at BPD, it was in the basement of the police station. Jason studied Maura out of the corner of his eye as they stood side-by-side on the crowded elevator. She was absolutely stunning. He'd thought so before, too, when he'd seen her from afar at the conference a few years ago, but up close she was almost hard to look at without squinting. Covertly running his gaze up and down her body, he noticed that she was wearing a pair of shoes with possibly the highest heels he'd ever seen in real life. _Can she really perform an autopsy in those?_ Jason himself was wearing sneakers, and he often found that his feet hurt after a long day.

The morgue techs had already brought Claire out of storage, so the two of them changed into scrubs and headed directly to the air-conditioned room that held several long, shiny metal tables. There were bodies laying on a few of them, some covered, some uncovered. Maura looked around the room, impressed. "This is very nice," she commented, taking a stroll around to check out the amenities.

"Nicer than BPD?" Jason asked, smirking a little.

"No, it's not nicer than BPD," replied Maura bluntly. "But BPD is my headquarters, and I'm the Chief Medical Examiner. I make the commonwealth spend a lot of money on me. It's in their best interests to keep me appeased."

Blinking, Jason tried to determine if she was being facetious or not. But his question was answered when Maura continued talking.

"Besides, with all the budgetary and jurisdiction issues that stem from Washington, DC not having statehood, I can understand why a nicer morgue might not be a high monetary priority for the city's lawmakers. From what I've heard, your department does the best it can with what it has, and for that you have my respect."

Jason felt himself warm up to Dr. Maura Isles considerably. "Well… Thank you. I appreciate that."

"You're quite welcome. Now, which one is Claire?"

Gesturing to one of the tables, Jason said, "Right here."

Maura approached the body, pulled down the white sheet that covered her, and took her first look at Claire Marks. She appeared younger than her 32 years in death, and Maura frowned sadly as she gazed at her. "Hello, Claire," she said softly. "My name is Maura Isles. I'm very sorry I never got a chance to meet you, but thank you for being such a good friend to Jane. I promise we're going to figure out what happened to you, okay?"

As Maura pulled on a pair of blue latex gloves, Jason stood slightly behind her so she wouldn't see him fighting off his tears. That had been one of the most unexpectedly emotional things he'd ever witnessed, and right then and there, just as Jane had said he would, he understood why Jane loved this woman so much.

"Has the bat Jane found in the dumpster been forensically confirmed to be the murder weapon?" Maura asked, leaning over Claire's head and pushing blonde hair aside for a closer look at her wounds.

"Yes," said Jason, coming to stand on the other side of the body to watch her work. "But there were no prints on it, and Liz had gloves in her pocket, so the detectives are making the case that she killed Claire with the gloves on, tossed the bat, put the gloves in her pocket, and then knocked herself out on the dumpster."

"Hmm," said Maura. "Is Liz right or left-handed?"

Jason went over to a nearby desk and picked up a file that was laid out there. "Right," he said after a moment's reading.

"Unless Liz decided to swing with her recessive hand, she probably isn't the murderer. Do you see how the wound is deeper here? Based on the angle of the gash and the position of the attacker, this had to have been done by someone who is left-handed. But unless Liz is over six feet tall, there's no way she could have done this. Whoever did was left-handed and very tall." As Jason stared at her in shock, Maura pulled out her cell phone and fired off a quick text to Jane. A moment later, she had a reply. "Jane says Kyle is left-handed and over six feet tall."

"Wait," Jason said, "show me what you mean."

With genuine and unforced patience, Maura showed Jason exactly how she had made her determination. She even took him over to a nearby ballistics dummy and used a ruler to demonstrate what she meant. Afterwards, Jason looked at her like she was Santa Clause carrying a sack full of Christmas presents that were all for him. "Maura, If I wasn't married I think I'd ask you out right now."

"It's probably better that you are married, as unfortunately I'd have to turn you down."

"Well, Jane is one lucky woman," Jason said, and he smiled when Maura blushed.

"Thank you. Let me write down some studies you can read that you might find helpful in determining the dominant hand and angle of attack in injuries like this." Maura ripped off her gloves and began jotting down some titles and authors, and Jason was amused to note that by the time she was finished she had recommended no fewer than fourteen studies on the topic.

"Thanks," he said, taking the list, fully intending to read each one.

"You're welcome. Now, if you don't mind, could I take a look at the receipts from Kyle's taxi rides that night?"

"Um, those are in the evidence locker," Jason said.

"Yes, I assumed as much. But you could request to have them pulled, right?"

"But… Why would I do that? I'm just the medical examiner. That's not really my job."

Maura remembered the conversation she'd had with Jane a few months back about how she frequently overstepped the boundaries of her job to solve cases. It was so easy to forget that not many medical examiners approached their cases with the same zeal and attention to detail that she did. "Listen, Jason," she said carefully. "I know it may seem odd to you, but as the medical examiner you are the master of this whole domain." She gestured to the hallway outside the double doors of the morgue. "It may be unorthodox, but you do have the authority to check in to things outside of the medical realm, if you so choose. I do it all the time, and I always have. That's how I climbed the ladder so quickly to my current position. Doing unusual things gets you noticed in this line of work, and the more cases you can help solve, the better. And it's not only better for your career, but for the people like Claire who rely on us to use every scientific tool we have to speak for them, and to help them get the justice they deserve."

After a long moment, Jason nodded slowly and picked up a phone off the wall nearby. Maura listened as he requested to have the receipts brought down, and then he hung up the phone. "They should be here in about an hour. In the meantime, I'm meeting my wife Abigail for lunch. Would you like to join us?"

"Sure," said Maura, realizing then just how hungry she was. She'd scarfed down a croissant in the car on the way here, but it was hardly enough to replenish all the calories she'd burned with Jane last night. She bit back her smile as she tried not to remember any specifics and went to go change back into her street clothes. "Thank you for doing that, Jason," she said once they'd both changed and were headed to the cafe down the street where they were going to meet Abigail. "I know how difficult it can be to step outside your professional comfort zone. When she was still a detective, Jane was always trying to make me guess and I absolutely hate guessing."

"I hate guessing too!" said Jason. "The detectives always want me to do it, and it's so hard to get them off my back about it."

"Just be glad one of your detectives isn't Jane Rizzoli. She's relentless in her quest for unconfirmed information."

"She was a good detective though, from what I hear."

"She was the best. That's why the FBI snatched her away from us." _And away from me_. But it was hard to feel depressed about Jane's departure after having spent the night in her arms. All she could feel right now when she thought of Jane was joy.

Abigail was already waiting for them at a table when they arrived, and Jason introduced Maura to her. As they waited for their lunch they chatted and got acquainted, and then as they ate Maura filled Abigail in on what she'd determined about the killer being tall and left-handed, about the fact that Kyle Purkitt fit the profile, and about requesting to see the receipts.

"Wow," said Abigail, impressed. "Sounds like Jane was right. She insisted that you would be able to help move the investigation along as long as you could take a look at the evidence."

"I assure you that isn't always the case, but in this particular instance she did happen to be right about that." There wasn't a single shred of arrogance in the way Maura said this, and it did not escape Abigail's notice.

"Well, forgeries happen to be my area of expertise. I could come back to the station with you guys and take a look at those receipts," Abigail offered. "What do you say, honey? Should we continue to push our professional boundaries today?"

Laughing, Jason put his arm around his wife and said, "Sure, why not?"

The three of them headed back to the station and down to the morgue. Jason didn't have his own office, but he had a workstation in an open area similar to the bullpen back at BPD. They all put on gloves and crowded around to examine the small pieces of paper that constituted Kyle Purkitt's alibi.

There were three of them. The first was from the early afternoon of the day of the murder. They showed that Kyle had taken a cab from Alexandria to the national mall area, presumably to do the shopping he'd claimed to be doing prior to the murder. Then the second receipt was time stamped from nine PM to 9:28, which was the exact window of the murder. It showed him going from the national mall back to the same address in Alexandria. The third was the cab ride from Alexandra to the scene of the murder. The arrival time stamp coincided with the time that Jane had indicated meeting him at the crime scene, at about 9:45 PM.

"These are the only proof he has of his story," Jason said. "The detectives haven't discovered anything else to place him elsewhere at the time of the murder, although they haven't exactly been looking, either."

"Did he buy anything that night?" asked Maura.

"I listened to his interrogation and he said all he bought was dinner, but he paid in cash, just like with the cabs. He got a hot dog off a cart, which is why he didn't get a receipt. He claims to be an avid record-keeper. Apparently his focus of study is on financial crimes, so he's meticulous about his money."

Abigail carefully took the receipts from Jason and studied them closely. She held them up to the window, looking at the way the sun streamed through them. From her pocket she produced a high-quality magnifying glass, the kind that looked like a miniature telescope. Placing it against her eye, she bent over the papers and examined every single millimeter of each one.

After about ten minutes of careful study, she let out a breath and leaned back in her chair. She looked at Maura and said, "You'd better make sure you have your girlfriend locked down tight, because she's a keeper." She held up the second and third receipts, the one that placed him in the cab at the time of the murder, and the one from the ride that had brought him to the crime scene. "These receipts have been doctored."

For dinner Maura and Jane ordered a pizza and had it delivered, eating it on the couch in their pajamas and drinking red wine like they had done back in Boston so many times before. As they ate, Maura filled Jane in on everything she had learned that day. "So Abigail thinks all he altered was one number on the date of the receipts. He changed a six to an eight," Maura told Jane, picking off a bit of pepperoni that had intruded on to her side of the pizza before separating the slice from the rest of the pie and taking a bite.

Jane took a moment to chew her own pizza as she considered this information. "So maybe he figured out what date would be the easiest to change and rode the cab on that day during the time window when he was planning to murder Claire. After that it was a straightforward matter of changing that one number, and there you have it. An alibi is born." She sipped from her wine glass before continuing: "He must have known what time Claire would leave the bar after following her for a while. She was a creature of habit, very well-organized and punctual. I bet she left the bar at the same time every night she went."

"That is a lot of speculation on your part, but I admit it seems feasible," said Maura. "What do you think we should do now?" When Jane quirked a suggestive eyebrow at her, Maura laughed. "Hold that thought for later, please. I was referring to the investigation. I think you should call those homicide detectives once Jason has submitted his report."

"I agree," said Jane. "I'm sure they'll be angry that I'm still poking around on the case, but hopefully not angry enough to turn their noses up at cold, hard evidence." They finished their pizza and wine and Maura set their plates and glasses down on the coffee table so she could turn and recline her back against Jane's front. Jane happily put her arms around Maura, hugging her tightly around her midriff, smiling in to her hair when she felt her lace their fingers together. It still astonished her how easily they had settled in to one another, effortlessly accepting and embracing the physical closeness that their new relationship status allowed. Nothing between them had been awkward so far. It felt like they were always supposed to be this way, like they'd been doing it wrong for ten years. Jane leaned down to lay a kiss against Maura's temple. "Thank you for helping me today, Maura. I really appreciate you taking the time to do that. It means a lot to me."

"There's no need to thank me. I'd do anything for you. Don't you know that by now?"

"I'm starting to learn that, yeah," said Jane, squeezing Maura's hand in her own.

A long pause followed that, and then Maura said quietly, "After last night, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to handle being separated from you."

"Me either," admitted Jane.

"I want to be with you like this every day."

"I know. Believe me, I want that too," said Jane, tightening her hold on Maura's body. "Look, let's just focus on enjoying this week together, okay? We can revisit this sad topic when there's no opportunity for us to be doing… happier things." She removed her hand from Maura's so she could run it upwards along Maura's torso until she cupped a breast over her t-shirt, smiling when her breath caught and her head fell back on Jane's shoulder. "Seems like you agree, hmm?"

"Definitely," said Maura. "Happy things all week. I agree completely." Jane's hand snaked down and then back up, this time under her shirt, her fingers skimming up Maura's stomach. Goosebumps followed in their wake, and she was instantly wet and aching for Jane. Maura wasn't wearing a bra, and when Jane closed her hand over her breast she arched her back with pleasure. "God, Jane," she groaned. "No one else has ever made me feel this way."

"What way?" asked Jane in a low, teasing voice, her mouth right next to Maura's ear.

"Like I'm on fire with wanting you. Like any part of my skin that isn't pressed against yours hurts. Like the simplest touch from you could make me come." She had to break off to moan when Jane pinched her nipple. Needing more of Jane, she turned in her arms to capture her lips, straddling her waist and burying her hands in long, dark hair. Jane tasted of red wine, and Maura thought that was appropriate since she felt drunk off Jane Rizzoli. Dimly she realized that Jane's hands were tugging at the bottom of her shirt, and she raised her arms so it could be lifted off.

"So beautiful," breathed Jane as she tossed the shirt aside, enthralled with the sight of all the bare skin she'd revealed. "My beautiful Maura."

Several hours later, Jane woke in the middle of the night without moving. At some point earlier they had relocated to the bedroom, and she was laying on her side in her bed facing Maura, who was sitting up against the headboard with her laptop on her lap, typing away at a rapid pace. The light from the screen gave Jane a perfect view of Maura's naked breasts in the darkness, and she couldn't help her sleepy grin or the little chuckle that escaped her at how simultaneously cute and sexy Maura looked.

Hearing the laugh, Maura looked over at Jane in alarm. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. Here, I'll put it away." She started to close the laptop but Jane reached out a hand to stop her.

"Don't," she purred. "I like the way your tits bounce when you type."

Maura burst into laughter, then shimmied her chest back and forth for Jane's viewing pleasure. "How about that? Do you like that?"

"Hubba hubba," said Jane, waggling her eyebrows."Okay. On second thought, you can put that away now." She deliberately reached over to close the laptop and set it on the bedside table before growling and pouncing on a laughing, very receptive Maura.

After Maura had fallen asleep in Jane's arms, Jane lay there holding her and realized that there was no way she was going to be able to spend even one more night without Maura. She'd been kidding herself to think she could make it to the end of the school year. At that moment she decided that no matter what happened with Claire's case in the next couple of days, no matter how angry the FBI got at her for leaving in the middle of the semester with no notice, and no matter what her family back in Boston would think, nothing was going to stop her from getting on that plane with Maura and going home.


	14. Chapter 14

Jane awoke the next morning to the heavenly feeling of Maura's warm mouth closed around one of her nipples. She whimpered and arched her back into Maura's attentions, feeling Maura's lips stretch into a smile against her breast as she learned that her gentle ministrations had succeeded in waking Jane from her slumber. Without speaking, Maura released the nipple and then moved on to the other. Jane ran her hand through Maura's hair, feeling the blonde locks tickle the bare skin of her chest.

Pushing the blankets away from Jane's body as she went, Maura trailed her hand down Jane's stomach. Her mouth left Jane's breast and she laid her head down on it instead, using it as a pillow as she watched her hand disappear between Jane's legs, her fingers burying themselves into wet heat. She circled Jane's clit slowly with her fingertips using a gentle touch, knowing that Jane liked to be touched lightly and to have her climax brought to her gradually. She listened to the way Jane's heart-rate increased, thrilling in the knowledge that _she_ was the one making love to Jane, making her feel this way.

Only when she felt Jane tensing beneath her and heard her breathing grow quick and sharp did Maura increase her tempo, and when she finally tipped Jane over the edge she slipped her fingers inside, moaning softly at the feeling of her walls tightening around her in waves. Nothing had ever felt as profoundly intimate as being inside Jane when she came, feeling her orgasm almost as acutely as Jane herself did. Maura loved it, and she knew she would never grow tired of it. All too soon the waves faded away and stopped, and then she was listening to the same change in Jane's heartbeat as before except in reverse as her body came down from its high.

Jane reached down to tip Maura's chin up and kiss her as softly and lovingly as Maura had been touching her moments before. "Good morning," she husked quietly, and Maura smiled against her lips.

"Good morning."

"You woke me up like that yesterday, too. Should I always expect you to be this frisky first in the morning?"

"Yes," replied Maura unabashedly. "I often wake up feeling particularly libidinous. Is that alright with you?"

"Um, I think I'll manage," said Jane, kissing Maura again. She'd never been with someone who liked to make love in the morning, but she couldn't imagine a better way of starting the day than spending time being intimate with Maura.

"Good." Maura lifted her body and then lowered it on top of Jane, fitting herself between her legs, letting her knee press up against her sex. "I love making you come, Jane. I'd do it all day, if you let me."

"Jesus, Maur," groaned Jane as Maura ground her hips against her, too aroused to say anything else. She pulled Maura's mouth to hers again, and then they got lost in each other for a long time, forgetting everything else in the world as they indulged in one another.

Afterwards, Maura lay with her head on Jane's shoulder, hugging her snugly around her middle, basking in the way Jane's arms were wrapped around her so tightly it was like she was trying to keep her there forever. But Jane didn't need to keep her here. She'd happily stay like this for the rest of their lives of her own free will. She knew Jane didn't want to talk about the fact that they were living in two different places, but she couldn't help it. It was a problem that needed to be resolved soon. There was an urgency about it now that Maura knew how it felt to physically _be_ with Jane. It was so much better than she could ever have imagined, and she was becoming more addicted to it and more reliant on it by the second. "I'm going to move here," she said with determination. "I'll move here so I can be with you."

"No," said Jane, again tipping Maura's chin up so she could look her in the eye. "I already decided. When you leave to go back to Boston at the end of the week, I'm going with you."

Maura withdrew from Jane's arms, sitting up in bed. "Jane…"

"I shouldn't have come here, Maura," Jane said, also sitting up. "It was a mistake. I only took this job because I didn't think you would ever love me back. But now that I know you do, there's nothing here for me."

"But what about your career?"

"What about it? There will always be other jobs, but I'll never love anyone else the way I love you. I can't pretend to give a shit about my career when you're the only thing I really want."

Shaking her head, Maura said, "You feel that way now, but will you feel that way in ten years when you're still a homicide detective?"

"If I'm still with you I will," Jane said earnestly. "And I do intend to still be with you ten years down the line. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Maura. I could never regret this decision. How could I? My job doesn't make me happy. You do."

When Maura spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "But… But what if I'm not enough for you, Jane? What if you come back and realize it's not enough?"

Jane could barely believe her ears. How could Maura ever think she wouldn't be enough for her? "That could never happen. It's impossible. I was only half a person without you. How could you ever not be enough for me when you're such a huge part of me? I'm not Jane Rizzoli without you. I _need_ you, Maur."

Maura started to cry and Jane gathered her close, letting their bodies melt together the same way their hearts and souls had over their ten years together. And when Maura finally looked up at her, Jane could tell she'd won this argument before Maura had even spoken a word. "Okay," Maura said. "I believe you. If you're willing to give up so much for me, it must be true. Besides, I want you to come home so badly that I simply don't have the strength to fight you on this anymore. But since you're giving so much up, will you please at least let me buy your plane ticket?"

Laughing, Jane said, "Sure. That sounds like a pretty good compromise to me. I give up the FBI, but in return I get you, and as a bonus I get a free plane ticket to Boston."

"A free _first class_ plane ticket to Boston," Maura amended, already reaching for her laptop.

"Okay, now you're just spoiling me."

Once Maura had purchased Jane a ticket they cuddled in bed together, each basking in the reality of the fact that Jane was coming home to Boston. _God, I hope she doesn't regret this_ , thought Maura, squeezing Jane tighter. She was happy, of course, and she truly did believe that Jane wanted to do this, but she couldn't help worrying. _It must be a part of being in love_ , she thought, absently rubbing circles on Jane's toned stomach, _worrying so much about your partner's happiness_. At least there was one thing she knew for sure: She made Jane happy. And she was completely committed to continuing to do so to the best of her abilities for the rest of her life. If Jane insisted that coming home would make her happy, then who was Maura to argue about that? So she let herself be overjoyed about the decision. She couldn't wait to start building their lives together.

But she had logistical questions about the move, and she asked them one by one as they occurred to her. "What are you going to do about your apartment?"

"Leave it for now, I guess," answered Jane. "I'll figure out a time to come back and pack everything up. I'll get Frankie and Tommy to come out and help."

"Where are you going to live in Boston?"

Jane hesitated. "With you?" she said uncertainly. Then she hastily added, "At least until I can find my own place, if it's not too much trouble…"

Maura cut her off with a quick kiss. "We'll see."

"We'll see what?"

"If I let you move into your own place." Before the adorably flummoxed Jane could think of a reply, she plowed on with her questions. "Will you go back to being a detective?"

Again, Jane hesitated. "I don't know. I haven't decided yet. I have an idea for what I might like to do, but it's a little silly and I'm not really ready to talk about it yet."

"Silly? What do you…"

But she was cut off when Jane put her finger against her lips. "Not. Ready. To talk about it. Got that?"

"Yes," said Maura with a laugh. "Fine, I won't ask." She paused, then said timidly, "What are we going to tell everyone? They're going to have questions when we come back together."

"We'll tell them the truth. That I love you and I wanted to come home so I can be with you," said Jane, tracing Maura's lips with her thumb. "Unless you don't want to tell them about us?"

"No, I think we should tell them. I'm scared, though," Maura admitted.

"Me too. But hey, Tommy already knows, right? So it's just Ma and Frankie and Nina, really. And your family, too. Constance and Hope."

Maura shivered. "Hope maybe, but I'm not ready to tell my mother yet," she said. "I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"That's alright. There's no rush. This is kind of a long haul deal, so we don't have to do anything you're not ready for. We've got plenty of time."

"Okay," whispered Maura. "Thank you."

Leaning in for a kiss, Jane said, "She loves you, Maura. I think if she sees you're happy, she'll be okay. My mother, too. She might freak out at first, but she'll get used to it."

"I hope you're right about that. Your family is very important to me, and I know they are to you, too." She traced Jane's collarbone with her fingers, considering what to ask next. "What about your job here? Are you really going to quit without giving any notice?"

"Actually," said Jane with a wicked smile, "I was thinking I'll get fired."

" _What_?"

Rubbing Maura's back lightly, Jane said, "I want to solve Claire's murder before I leave, Maura. Agent Davies has already warned me not to get involved, but I can't let Kyle get away with this. She was my friend, and she deserves to have her killer brought to justice." Her voice was wavering, and Maura lifted her hand to kiss her fingers in wordless support. "So I'll abuse my powers. I'm going to poke in to his background a little, see if he's had any prior history of stalking or violence. Then I'll look up where he lives and go there to take a look around. It's sure to get me fired, but obviously at this point I don't care."

"And what if it wasn't him, Jane? Will you give up then?"

Jane sighed. "Yeah," she said. "I'll give up then. You've done enough to clear Liz. There's no way they won't drop her charges now, and I suppose that's plenty, even if the case goes cold." Jane shivered at the thought of it, hating the idea. But she knew she wouldn't be able to do anything for the case once she no longer had her FBI clearance, and then when she was back in Boston she wouldn't be able to keep investigating the murder via the more traditional gumshoe method. "But I know it was him, Maur. My gut is telling me it was him."

"Mine too," admitted Maura. "After everything I learned at the police station yesterday, I think you're probably right. Do you want me to go with you while you investigate?"

"I want you to go with me literally everywhere I go."

The first part of the investigation wouldn't involve going anywhere. Jane decided to hold off on calling the DC homicide detectives until she had some concrete information to offer about Kyle, so the first thing she would do was pull up his records in the FBI database. They eventually got out of bed and showered, and Maura puttered around in the kitchen making breakfast as Jane booted up her laptop. "Ridiculous," grumbled Maura as she pushed aside the coffee maker so there would be room for her to cut up a green pepper for their omelettes. "Imagine if I had to teach Tommy to cook in a kitchen like this."

"I have a hard time imagining you teaching Tommy to cook period. I can't believe you did that."

"I had to. He needed my help. Do you want your nephew to balloon up to two hundred pounds on pizza and fast food?"

"Of course not. Please tell me you made Tommy wear one of your girly, flowery aprons, though. And please tell me there are pictures."

Maura laughed. "It didn't even occur to me. But you know, I think we both owe him a thank you for pressing me about my feelings for you. Maybe we could stop at the gift shop before you lose your discount and I could pick him up an FBI apron."

Turning to grin at Maura over the back of the couch, Jane said, "God, you're brilliant. This is why I love you." Maura winked at her, and Jane shivered at the rush of arousal the simple gesture brought. She couldn't afford to be distracted right now, though. If she was going to prove that Kyle was the killer before leaving Virginia, she needed to get to work. Forcing her attention away from the beautiful woman in her kitchen to the laptop in her lap, Jane brought up the program that would allow her to remotely log in to the FBI training academy's servers. She typed in her username and password and was presented with the FBI logo that was the background to her work desktop.

She looked at it for a moment, feeling a bit sad. She truly enjoyed being an instructor here. It was the only part of her life in Virginia that had actually been satisfying, aside from her growing friendship with Claire. Never in her life had she felt as respected and looked up to as she was when she was standing in front of a classroom. Being a detective had been fulfilling and had come with its own emotional rewards, but she'd never felt the pleasure of sharing knowledge and watching people learn from what she knew before. And there was also the fact that the job was, indeed, a stepping stone to something greater. Someday she could have expected to be as important to the FBI as Agent Davies or Agent Dean, traveling the country and dealing with sensitive, highly dangerous cases with an impact on national security. It would be an opportunity to protect people on an exponentially larger scale than she would ever get as a homicide detective in Boston.

In the kitchen behind her, Maura was cracking eggs into a plastic bowl and humming happily, and Jane turned just enough to watch her surreptitiously. Her hair was pulled back loosely in a ponytail, several strands hanging free around her face. As Jane watched in silence, she thought about Korsak's wedding reception when she'd seen Maura dancing her way and everything in her life had changed. In that moment, for the first time she could remember, Jane had imagined growing old with someone. With _Maura_. She'd spent so many years assuming she'd die young. And she'd accepted it as being part of the job, part of the downside of devoting her life to the service of others.

But then she'd seen Maura Isles in a different light and suddenly that wasn't an option anymore. There was a reason to go on now, a reason to be safe. There was someone in her life who Jane couldn't stand to leave behind. Someone who wanted her, who needed her, who counted on her to be there.

No, leaving Maura behind wasn't an option anymore, not even leaving her alone in Boston. She needed to be with Maura. They belonged together. The future she pictured in the FBI was hazy and dark, but she saw only joy and laughter and light and warmth in her future with Maura. She could picture Maura by her side ten years from now, a length of time easily quantifiable since that was how long they'd already spent together as friends. She could even picture Maura twenty and thirty years from now, her blonde hair lightening to silver and the crinkles at the corners of her eyes growing more pronounced after years of smiles and laughter with Jane. Oh, how Jane wanted to be there to make her laugh, to bring her happiness and companionship after all her solitary years. She wanted to be by Maura's side through whatever the future would bring them, the good and the bad.

Turning back to the computer and looking at the FBI logo again, she found that it didn't make her sad anymore. It was only a symbol of the work she'd enjoyed. It had no bearing on her life. Her life was standing here in this apartment, promising Jane her future without saying a single word.

Confidence in her decision renewed, Jane brought up the program that would allow her to access student records and typed in her credentials. The program booted up and, unable to resist, Jane typed in a name.

A photograph of Claire Marks appeared on her screen, her smile and her blue eyes so familiar to Jane that she gasped sharply, her own eyes filling with tears. _She was so young and so bright_ , she thought, her view of the picture blurring. _She should have had her chance to grow old with Liz. It's not fair._

A warm pressure at the top of her head made her look up, and Maura smiled sadly at her from where she had just kissed Jane's hair. Jane returned the smile, silently thanking Maura for her support. "I'm okay," she assured her, squeezing Maura's hand where it rested on her shoulder. Maura nodded and returned to their breakfast, now whisking the eggs with a fork.

She stayed on the profile page only long enough to jot down Claire's address before backing out and typing in another name. Now Kyle appeared on her screen, and she scanned his profile with confusion. Nearly all of it was blacked out. The only thing available was his name and his student ID number. After a second Jane understood. "Damn," she said.

"What?" asked Maura, coming back to the couch to look over her shoulder at the computer.

"Everything is redacted. I must not be able to view his information on the remote server. I'll have to go in to the office if I want to view his whole file."

"Why is it redacted? Claire's wasn't."

"Claire was a TA. She had a staff profile. But Kyle's a student, so his information is more protected. The FBI is big on protecting information. It's not a problem, really. I'll be able to view it from the PC in my office." There was a vibrating noise as Jane's cell phone rang where it was laying on the coffee table. She reached over to pick it up. "Rizzoli."

"Hi Jane, it's Abigail."

"Hey Abigail. What's up?"

"Jason and I just picked up Liz from the county jail. All her charges have been dropped. She's at Claire's apartment with Jason now packing up her things, but she says really like to meet you properly to thank you, if you have time. You and Maura."

Glancing at Maura, Jane said, "Sure, we'd like that. We can meet her for lunch later, if that works."

"Lunch?" asked Abigail, amused. "Jane, it's one PM."

"What?" Jane glanced at the time on the bottom of her computer screen, shocked to see that Abigail was right. She'd had no idea it was so late. "Well, shit."

Laughing hysterically, Abigail said, "Someone must have had a fun morning."

"Oh, shut up," said Jane good-naturedly. "Like you've never lost track of time with your hubby."

"I assure you, it happens often. I mean, you have seen the guy, right? He's dreamy."

"Not really my type anymore, but yeah he's good-looking."

"Look, Jane, why don't you two swing by Claire's place whenever you can? Liz is probably going to leave for Iowa tonight, so it'll need to be soon."

"Okay," agreed Jane. "We'll come by after breakfa-I mean, um, lunch." After she'd hung up, she relayed the plan to Maura, who agreed that she'd like to meet Liz as well. Then Jane asked: "Why didn't you tell me it's after noon?"

"I thought you knew," Maura replied, smiling smugly. "I suppose I should take it as a compliment that you didn't."

"Uh huh. It's a compliment alright," said Jane, rising to hug Maura from behind as she flipped an omelette over on the pan. "But I'm a little disturbed. I hope this isn't a harbinger of mornings to come. I want to savor every minute I spend with you, not feel like our time together is flying by without me even noticing."

Leaning back against Jane, Maura said, "It's only because it's still so new. I'm sure once we've been together for a few years we'll be able to slow down and appreciate it on a much deeper level."

"I wouldn't know," Jane admitted. "I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than six months."

"Me either. But I feel confident we'll figure it out. As long as we keep being honest with each other and asking for the things we want, we'll make it."

"Yes we will," Jane agreed, knowing deep down in her very bones that it was the truth.

They arrived at Claire's apartment an hour later. Jane parked the car on the street and looked over at Maura in the passenger seat. "This is gonna be rough," she said.

"I know. But I'm right here with you, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Maur."

As they headed inside, Maura reached over and took Jane's hand in her own, entwining their fingers together. Jane drew comfort from it, letting it remind her of all the good things in the world instead of sinking into her thoughts of murder and death. They knocked on the door and Jason answered, smiling when he saw them. "Thanks for coming," he said. "Come on in." As they entered, he explained: "Claire's parents are in town, but they're down at the station now talking to the police. They're reopening the case since Maura exonerated their top suspect."

Claire's apartment was small and tidy, as well-organized and tastefully decorated as Jane would expect. They stepped in to the living room where Liz and Abigail were seated on the couch, Abigail with her arm around Liz's shoulders. They both stood as Jane and Maura entered.

"Liz, this is Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles," Jason said, gesturing at the two women.

"I remember you," Liz said, approaching Jane. "You were there the night… The night it happened."

"Yes," said Jane. "I came as soon as I heard. I was a homicide detective in Boston for many years. I couldn't stay away. I'm so sorry for your loss, Liz. I know Claire loved you very much."

Eyes welling up with tears, Liz nodded. "Thank you. I loved her too, more than anything."

There was nothing Jane could say to that, so instead she said, "You're a detective, right?"

"Yes, I'm in the robbery unit. Not quite as glamorous as homicide, but I was happy to be promoted out of uniform."

"Well, I'm sorry for the bogus charges, too. I knew it wasn't you."

Looking at Maura, Liz said, "Dr. Isles, I know you took the time to look into the case. That's why I wanted to meet you both. To say thank you for getting me out of there. It's hard enough losing Claire, but if it wasn't for you I'd be grieving in a jail cell instead of being surrounded by friends and family. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."

"You're welcome," said Maura, reaching out to squeeze Liz's hand. "I was happy to help."

"We're gonna figure out who did this, Liz," said Jane passionately. "Claire was my friend, too. I'm going home to Boston in a few days, but I'm going to do my best to resolve this before I go. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Thank you." A sad smile came over Liz's face. "If you're anything like the way Claire described you, I know you'll close the case with time to spare."

They sat in the living room for a while talking about what they knew, and Jane shared her theory about Kyle. She showed Liz his picture, but she'd never seen him before. She hadn't managed to get a single look at their attacker before being knocked out. Remembering what the woman at the bar had said, Jane stood and squinted at the building across the street, looking for any sign of a telescope in any of the windows, but she saw nothing. When she went to sit back down, Abigail asked her, "So, you're leaving?"

"Yes," said Jane, reaching over to take Maura's hand. "I want to go home to my family, and to Maura."

"I'm sorry to see you go, but I understand," Abigail said.

"It's the right move," said Liz. "I should have followed Claire here. When you love someone, you should be with them. Nothing else matters."

"Hey," Jane said, drawing her attention. "Claire knew how much you loved your job, and she was proud of you for making detective. She was sad you two couldn't be together, but she completely understood why it wasn't possible. It was just… The way it was. And she knew it wasn't over between you two. She still loved you, and she was going to fight to come back to Iowa after she completed her training. She wanted to be with you. But she thought… She thought there was plenty of time. There should have been plenty of time." Breaking off as her voice hitched, she squeezed Maura's hand, drawing comfort from her warmth and nearness.

Liz stared at her for a long moment before nodding, unable to speak. Her gaze dropped to her lap, tears falling silently down her cheeks. Abigail put her arm around her again, also crying silently.

When Jane and Maura said their goodbyes and headed back outside, Jane stopped Maura to kiss her hard, right there in the middle of the street. "That's why I'm coming home, Maura," she said fiercely. "Because I don't want to regret missing any more time with you. Life is too short, and anything can happen at any moment. Fuck everything else. This," she gestured her hand back and forth between the two of them, " _us_ , that's what matters. Not some stupid job. Okay?"

Finally, Maura understood. At that moment she let go of all her reservations and worry about Jane's return to Boston. Nothing was more important than this rare and beautiful connection that existed between the two of them, this wonderful perfection they'd somehow been fortunate enough to stumble across. She wanted to convey these thoughts to Jane, but she couldn't speak that many words around the lump in her throat. Instead she leaned up to return Jane's kiss and simply said: "Okay."


	15. Chapter 15

The FBI academy was relatively empty at this hour, although a few people still stopped Jane in the halls to say hello. She gracefully brokered meetings between Maura and her co-workers, introducing Maura as "my girlfriend, Dr. Maura Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner of Massachusetts." After the third time being introduced this way Maura was floating along the hallway so happily that it was hard to hold back her smile.

"This is me," said Jane, pulling out her keys to unlock her office door. She let Maura in and then shut the door behind them. "Woah!" she exclaimed as she suddenly found herself pinned against the back of it by a very amorous Maura.

"I love it when you call me your girlfriend," she said in between heated kisses.

Grinning, Jane said, "I thought you wanted to change it to something else."

"Eventually, yes," Maura agreed. "But for now, I _really_ like 'girlfriend.'"

"Good. I like it too." She leaned down and kissed Maura again. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I love that you're proud of me, that you're not ashamed to be with me."

"How could I be?" asked Jane incredulously. "Do you have any idea how jealous people are of me? I managed to bag the most beautiful woman in the world. You're crazy if you think I'm not gonna show you off. Plus we're like the hottest lesbian couple ever. We gotta brag about that, right?"

Maura laughed. "Yes we do."

They sat down at the computer, Maura pulling a visitor's chair around to watch as Jane worked. She logged in to her account and booted the records program. This time she typed in "Kyle Purkitt" right away. His picture popped up, and now Jane was able to see all his information. The first thing she did was highlight his address, navigate to a web browser, and plug it in to Google maps. "Across the street from Claire," said Jane. "What a coincidence."

She went back to the records program and started digging through the files. In these she could see every evaluation that all his instructors had ever written him since college. In order to make the work easier, she printed them out and separated them into two stacks, one for her and one for Maura.

"What exactly am I looking for?" Maura asked.

"We won't know until we find it. Look for anything that indicates he might not be such a model kid after all. Any fighting or mention of cheating, or any mention of being obsessive or anything like that."

"This professor says he's ' _driven_ ,' but I hardly see that as a bad thing. You and I have both been described that way before and we're not murderers."

"There's a difference between _driven_ and _obsessive_. You kinda have to read between the lines."

"That's never been my strong suit," said Maura nervously.

Smiling at her, Jane said, "You can show me anything you think looks suspicious, and I'll take a look."

"Okay."

They worked in silence for the better part of an hour, flipping through the pages. From what Jane could tell Kyle was well-liked, although no one found him particularly outstanding. By all traditional standards, he was an average kid. His grades were good but not spectacular. He played on his college football team but wasn't considered a strong player and had warmed the bench a few times. "He played football," Jane commented. "So he knows how to tackle."

"He played baseball too," said Maura, pointing at one of her pages. "So he knows how to swing a bat."

"What's his batting average?"

Peering at the page, Maura recited: "Point two-three-five."

Jane snorted. "You mean two thirty-five. Come on, Maura, I haven't made you watch enough Sox games for you to get the lingo down?" she said, and Maura laughed.

"I believe in being thorough, Jane. I don't indulge in vernacular slang."

"'Cause you're prissy, that's why. Can't hang with the guys."

Maura leaned over and gave Jane a slow, sultry, suggestive kiss. When she pulled away, she hummed with approval as she licked the traces of Jane off her lips. "Yes, I'd say I'm quite finished with 'the guys.' I'm feeling decidedly woman-centric now."

"Hnng," groaned Jane, wondering if enough people had gone home for the day to be able to take Maura right here in her office.

As if reading her thoughts, Maura winked at her and then tapped the papers on the desk. "Get back to work, Instructor. We can finish this later."

What Jane would have preferred to do was whine that she wanted to finish it _now_. It would be so easy to hoist Maura up on the desk and run her hands up under that sexy skirt. With such readily available access, she could have Maura coming beneath her fingers in a matter of seconds. But she didn't do that, or say it. Instead she pouted, sighed, and went back to combing through Kyle's records, ignoring Maura's knowing chuckle as she did so.

Thirty minutes later, Jane found what she was looking for. "Look at this," she said, straightening up with excitement. "Three years ago, in his last year of college, Kyle's Criminal Psychology professor filed an incident report on him."

Leaning in for a closer look, Maura asked, "What does it say?"

Jane began to read out loud: " _On the night of Friday, May 12, 2015, I went grocery shopping after the completion of my classes. Upon arriving at my home, I parked my car and got out to retrieve my purchases from the trunk. As I did so, a cantaloupe fell out of my bag and began to roll down the driveway. When I went to retrieve it, I found Kyle Purkitt standing there holding it. I asked him what he was doing there, and he said he was in the neighborhood. He asked if I needed any help and I declined. He then tried to remove my grocery bag from my arms, insisting that I let him help. When I continued to decline, he became annoyed and said, "Fine, then. Have it your way." And he turned, got into his car, and drove off. The following Monday, he brought me a container of sliced cantaloupe and said it was a "peace offering." Then later that night I saw Kyle sitting in his car across the street from my home. When he saw me watching him, he drove off. Though these incidents may have been good-natured on the surface, they nevertheless made me feel uncomfortable and I wish to have them added to his record."_

"Wow," said Maura. "So he has a history of following women."

"Yeah he does," said Jane thoughtfully.

"What happened after that?"

Flipping a few pages, Jane shrugged. "Nothing. He graduated and went home to California. Then he came here for training. I guess he never saw her again, as far as we know." Leaning back in her chair, Jane began to think out loud. "This incident report wouldn't have been enough to keep him out of the academy. The professor even says it's possible that the interactions were good-natured. Any lawyer will tell you that if you admit you might be wrong, you might as well be wrong. It negates the reliability of your testimony."

"If that's the case, then is this even useful to us?"

"Maybe," said Jane. "If it's not the only proof we have, then yeah." Her phone rang and she pulled it off her belt clip. It was from an unknown number. "Rizzoli."

"Instructor Rizzoli, this is Detective Ritter from the DCPD homicide unit." The female detective sounded annoyed and gruff, and Jane braced herself for any incoming unpleasantness.

"Good evening, Detective," replied Jane, watching as Maura's eyebrows rose. "What can I do for you?"

"You're still poking around in my damn case, aren't you?" Ritter said accusingly.

"I'm not. My girlfriend is. She's a medical examiner, though, so I don't really see a problem." Jane winked at Maura, who grinned back at her.

"Well, the vic's parents seem to think you had something to do with getting our suspect released. I just got done talking to them, and they're not happy with my department."

"I can't imagine why not. Their daughter was murdered, and then you guys tried to pin it on the woman she's been in love with for the last ten years. Gosh, I think I'd be ever so delighted with your work, wouldn't you?"

"Is that why you're so invested in this?" asked Ritter. "Because you're gay too?"

"Does it matter why I'm doing this? Am I a suspect now? Claire Marks was my friend, and I know how to run a homicide investigation. Why do you think I'm invested?"

Ritter sighed. "This conversation is not going the way I meant it to go. I'm sorry. I don't like it when people step on my toes."

"Don't worry about it. I get it. Don't forget, I've been where you are. How about you tell me why you called before we deteriorate in to calling each other buttheads or something."

"You ARE a butthead," grumbled Ritter. "So, Butthead, I'm calling because I looked at the ME's report, and I see you managed to break that Purkitt kid's alibi. How sure are you about this?"

"Very," replied Jane.

"I want to search his place, but I don't have enough for a warrant. I want to see what else you've got on this kid."

A slow, triumphant smile spread over Jane's face. "Detective, your timing could not be better. I've got something really good for you. I literally just dug up an incident report that was filed on him three years ago."

Right as Jane began to explain the incident report and how she'd found it, there was a knock on her office door. Maura stood to answer it. Agent Cameron Davies was standing there, and he did not look happy.

"Shit," said Jane, knowing that she was in trouble. She'd always known she'd be caught and fired for poking around in Kyle's records, but she didn't think it would be so soon. If she was fired before she could get this information to the homicide detectives, then she would lose the clearance and authority to do so and the chain of evidence custody would be broken. "Detective, I'm going to have to call you back."

"Please do," said Ritter. "I work late."

Jane clipped her phone back to her belt and motioned Davies in to the office. "Hi Cameron," she said sheepishly.

"Hello Jane. Hello Maura."

"Good evening, Agent Davies," said Maura politely, returning to Jane's desk and smoothing out her skirt as she perched on the edge of it.

"You know why I'm here, right?" he said to Jane.

Nodding, Jane said, "Yup."

"You know I'm here to escort you off the premises?"

"Yup."

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"I know who killed Claire Marks," said Jane. "It was one of my students."

Davies sighed. "Jane, that's really not your job anymore. I told you to butt out, but you didn't. We saw you log in remotely this morning and we knew you were going to try again here. Why couldn't you leave well enough alone? Is this really worth being fired over?"

"Yes!" shouted Jane.

"Of course it is!" said Maura simultaneously.

It surprised Davies so much that he actually physically took a step back from them.

Gesturing to the remaining visitor's chair in front of her desk, Jane said, "Cameron, please sit down. Let us explain, okay?"

Reluctantly, Davies sat. For the next fifteen minutes, Jane and Maura explained everything they had done and learned in regards to the case. Once he was caught up, Jane said, "When you walked in I was talking to one of the homicide detectives assigned to Claire's murder. They want to get a warrant for Purkitt's apartment, but they don't have enough probable cause. They need this incident report, too. But I can't get this to them if you fire me right now, Cameron. Please, I only need one more day. I promise it will be the last favor I ever ask of you."

Letting out a long, slow breath, Davies shook his head. "I can't do that, Jane. I'm sorry. It's over my head."

"Shit!" swore Jane, banging her fist on the table. "I can't let Purkitt…"

But Davies held up a hand to halt any tirade she was about to launch in to. "Give me the report. I'm officially consulting on Claire's case."

Immediately, Jane's face brightened, and Maura stood and looked as though she wanted to embrace Davies. "Thank you," said Maura sincerely.

Rising from his chair, Davies took the incident report and scanned it. When he got to the end, he frowned. "This is it? This is all you have?"

"It's the best I can do with my clearance level," said Jane, smiling angelically and blinking up at him innocently from her seat in front of the computer.

Rolling his eyes, Davies said, "Oh you are good, Rizzoli. You are very good." He walked around the desk. "Shove over." Logging out of Jane's workstation, he logged in to his own instead. Then he brought up a program Jane had never seen before. "Let's poke around on his school computer, shall we? Maybe he's dumb enough to leave something there."

"Don't you need some kind of warrant for that?" asked Maura, moving around the desk to watch, too. As she did so, Davies noticed that she had rested her hand casually and affectionately on Jane's shoulder. If Maura had been a man, Davies would have been tempted to think she was doing it to lay her claim on Jane in front of someone she perceived as competition. But because it was Maura, he knew she probably wasn't thinking about him at all. She was only thinking of Jane. It was a simple gesture of love.

"No," he answered, trying not to focus too much on the highly inappropriate thoughts that had popped into his brain at the very sexy Maura's unconscious touch on the very sexy Jane. He was only human, after all. "We provide students with laptops and they are expected to use them for their schoolwork for security purposes. We own the computers, so we're allowed to look at them."

Kyle's desktop was tidy and well-organized, everything separated neatly in to files. They checked his documents and found only schoolwork. Then they looked at his pictures. One folder was timestamped to earlier that day. When Davies opened it, Maura gasped audibly.

It was a photograph of her and Jane outside Claire's apartment, kissing in the street.

"Pretty good picture of us, don't you think, Maura?" said Jane grimly. "If this wasn't so damn creepy, I'd ask you to print me a copy of that."

Older files held at least 50 pictures of Jane, some saved from internet news clippings, others he must have taken without Jane knowing. Among them were several pictures of Jane with Claire.

"Check his browser history," said Maura quietly.

"Good idea," said Davies. When he did, they could see that Purkitt had spent several hours Googling Dr. Maura Isles that day. He'd visited dozens of web pages about her.

"That bastard," growled Jane. "He's planning to hurt Maura next."

Davies stood from his chair. "Come on," he said. "I'm going to the police station, and you're both coming with me. I'm putting you in my protective custody. You're not leaving my sight until that kid is in handcuffs."

Several hours later, Maura and Jane waited in the hallway as Detectives Whittier and Ritter of the DCPD and Agent Cameron Davies of the FBI busted down the door of Kyle Purkitt's apartment. They found him asleep in his bed and placed him under arrest. As a couple of uniformed officers led him down the hall in handcuffs, he looked at Jane with complete shock and horror. Then he glared viciously at Maura, who glared right back at him without a shred of fear. Jane put her arm around Maura's shoulders as they waited for permission to enter the apartment.

Ritter reappeared in the doorway. "We're clear. You won't believe this shit. Here." She handed them both pairs of gloves, which they snapped on as they came in to the apartment.

The living room was normal, clean and organized. The only thing unusual was a large telescope laying on the floor near a window that faced the street. Jane pointed it out to Maura, who nodded.

Kyle's bedroom was another story. The walls were plastered with pictures of Jane, all the pictures that he'd had stored on his hard drive plus more that hadn't been on his school computer. Feeling sick, Jane noticed one picture that caught her eye. In the original, Jane had been sitting at a picnic table laughing with Claire. But on the printout, Kyle had taken a red marker and completely covered over Claire so that no part of her could be seen. "My god, Jane," whispered Maura, wrapping an arm around Jane's waist and pressing against her side.

"Yeah," Jane replied, pulling Maura closer. Then after a beat, she said, "Why am I always the one who gets a creepy stalker?"

"At least this one didn't take your head on a honeymoon," replied Maura dryly.

"Damn!" said Jane, stamping her foot. "My head really wanted to go to a luau."

When Maura laughed, the two detectives and Davies looked at them like they were crazy. "Everything okay?" Davies asked.

"Everything's peachy. This is how we deal with trauma. Although usually there's also wine involved," Jane explained. "C'mon, Maur, let's go. I think I've seen enough."

"Me too."

The detectives and Davies escorted them outside, where a uniformed officer was waiting to bring them back to Jane's apartment in his police cruiser. "Thanks for your help, Rizzoli," said Ritter as she and her partner shook hands with Maura and Jane. "We woulda solved this eventually, but not nearly as fast as you did."

"What can I say? I'm the best," replied Jane arrogantly. "And guess what? I have another gift for you." She dug in her pocket and handed Ritter a business card. "The other night I talked to the bouncer outside Fuchsia who she says she caught Purkitt creeping around a few weeks ago. She told me to call if I needed anything else, but I'm sure she'd be plenty willing to give her testimony to a pretty lady like you instead."

Rolling her eyes, Ritter took the card. "Thanks. Got any other shit you wanna rub in our faces?"

"Yeah, actually. In class Purkitt always folds under the dossier technique in interrogations. Kid couldn't catch a bluff if it had a cannonball tied to its ankles. It's your best bet for a quick confession."

"Great," said Ritter with a genuine smile. "I'll keep that in mind. And I'll be sure to play poker with him, too." She gave both Jane and Maura curt nods. "Good meeting you both. I'll let you know how it turns out."

"Please do," said Jane.

The detectives went back inside, leaving Maura and Jane with Davies. "So you'll probably be headed back to Boston, huh?" he guessed.

"Already got my plane ticket," confirmed Jane. She pulled out her FBI badge and handed it to him. "Thanks for the opportunity, Cameron. I really did enjoy the work. If the academy was in Boston, everything would have been different."

"I get it. For what it's worth, I think you're making the right choice." He held out his hand and both Maura and Jane shook it.

"Thank you for your help with Claire's case, too, Agent Davies," said Maura. "If you're ever in Boston, give us a call."

"As long as you do the same with DC. Both of you."

"We will," Jane assured him.

He turned and went back inside, and Maura and Jane, both exhausted, climbed into the waiting police car.

Jane's last few days in Quantico were a blur of activity. She and Maura had to go in to the city to give full statements to the police regarding Claire's case. At the station they met Claire's parents, who sobbed and thanked them profusely for their help, and Jane sincerely thanked them for their daughter's friendship.

They spent time with Abigail and Jason, who threw Jane an impromptu farewell party at the Bitter Bureau with many of Jane's former students present. They listened intently to her telling of the case and Maura watched with pleasure, admiring how comfortable Jane was speaking in front of the group, teaching them how she'd carried out her investigation. The students were particularly interested in her questioning of the women at the gay bar, and they were impressed with how she'd used her personal life to make a connection with them in order to get reliable information out of them. Her students obviously loved her and were sad to see her go, and Maura couldn't help the guilt that bubbled hotly in her gut as she witnessed the scene.

But Jane had anticipated this. She pulled Maura over to a secluded booth at the back of the bar, sat her down, and drew her into a firm hug. "I don't want this," she said softly. "I promise you, I don't."

"Then what do you want, Jane? And please don't say me, because I know you want me. What are you going to do in Boston?"

After a brief hesitation, Jane said, "I'll tell you, but don't laugh, okay?"

"I won't laugh."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Jane said, "I was thinking about maybe…" and then she mumbled something that Maura did not understand a single word of.

"I'm sorry?" she laughed.

"You're laughing!" whined Jane.

"Yes, sweetie, I am, because it was funny. Just tell me!"

With a sigh, Jane looked at her and confessed, "I was thinking of becoming a private investigator."

Immediately, Maura's face broke out into a huge grin. "Jane! What a great idea!"

Jane was immensely relieved at her instantaneous, unfeigned positive reaction. "Yeah? You think?"

"Yes! It's perfect for you!"

"I think so, too." She looked around the bar, taking in all the people sitting around talking and laughing. "I liked teaching, but I miss the thrill of the hunt. And I liked working this case, but it was different because I had to be a little sneakier than usual to get around the red tape, to make sure everything could hold up in court. I didn't have my badge to strongarm people, I had to rely on my personality and my connections and my interview skills to get what I needed. I liked it, Maura." She paused. "Plus, private investigators don't get the Charles Hoyts or the Alice Sands. They get cheating spouses and missing persons and stolen jewelry. I'd still be investigating cases, but they'd be safe cases."

"Safe," said Maura, leaning against Jane's side. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too," admitted Jane. "I never used to care about that, but now?" She used a finger to tip Maura's face up and kiss her lightly on her soft lips. "I have way too much to lose now."


	16. Chapter 16

A warm, familiar hand reached over and firmly planted itself on Jane's bouncing knee. "Stop that," said Maura. "Everything is going to be okay."

Jane gave her a grateful smile. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just… nervous."

"Don't worry, Janie," said Tommy, coming over to the couch to hand his sister a beer. "Drink this and chill out."

"Thanks, Tommy," said Jane, taking a long pull from the bottle.

It was Jane's first full day back in Boston, and Tommy was the only member of her family who knew she was here. She and Maura had gotten in late the night before. Since it was a Sunday, Maura and Jane had decided to come out to the entire family at the same time, as well as break the news that Jane was back in Boston for good. Jane had no idea why they had chosen to do it this way, and in retrospect it seemed like a bad idea. She thought her mother was likely to suffer a massive heart attack at all the news she was about to get.

But it was too late to change their minds now. Sunday dinner preparations were well underway. Tommy was in Maura's kitchen preparing various dishes for the family to eat, with TJ sitting at the counter alternating between watching him and playing on his tablet. Looking at the two of them, Jane felt a swell of warmth for them both, and she set her beer down at the table and went to Maura's- _her_ _own_ -bedroom. She hadn't had a chance to unpack her suitcase since she'd spent an incredibly pleasurable morning with Maura in the big, soft bed that they would now share every night. Pushing those memories aside, Jane dug around in her bag until she located the gift she'd purchased for Tommy despite the fact that she'd had to pay full price after losing her FBI discount.

Maura saw what she was intending to do and decided to make herself scarce, kissing Jane on the cheek as she passed by on her way into the bedroom to begin unpacking her own suitcase. She took TJ with her, promising to let him jump on the bed. Soon the sound of his laughter could be heard from all the way downstairs.

Bringing the unwrapped gift to the kitchen, Jane hid it behind her back and approached her youngest brother. "I got you something," she said.

"Ooh," he said excitedly. "Gimme!" When Jane grinned and handed it over, his delight was obvious and unforced. "No friggin way! Thanks Janie, this is so cool!" He immediately unfolded the FBI apron and put it on, tying it around his body firmly. "I'm gonna use this all the time." He hugged his sister, then asked, "What's the occasion?"

"Tommy, I… You did something for me that I can't ever repay. Maura told me what you guys talked about, and she said if it wasn't for you she might never have realized how she felt about me."

"I don't believe that," said Tommy, shaking his head. "She woulda figured it out eventually."

"She doesn't think so," said Jane. "You know her brain doesn't work like other people's, especially not when it comes to stuff like this."

"All I did was make a suggestion. And I don't wanna embarrass you, but I saw that letter you wrote. That was a hell of a suggestion, too."

"Yeah, but it came from me. You're an objective third party, and Maura is a scientist. She listened to you because she knew you had nothing to gain from it. You were like the control group in an experiment. Having it come from you made it less scary, and it gave her the time she needed to really think it through. Because of you, by the time I got my shit together and told her how I felt, she was already in a mental place where she understood and accepted her own feelings, so she was in a position to say yes. I owe that to you, Tommy. And a stupid apron can't nearly make us even for it. Thank you for everything you gave me. I mean it."

Blushing, Tommy shrugged and mumbled, "Well, I mean, I was just bein' nosy but… You're welcome. I'm happy for you, Jane. For both of you. I think it's really great."

"I'm gonna hug you now," Jane warned him. "Don't you dare give me a wet willy."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Jane hugged him tightly, trying to convey just how grateful she was to him. By the time they pulled apart they both had to awkwardly attempt to hide their emotions, each not wanting to be susceptible to teasing from the other. For a moment they didn't say anything, and then Jane said casually, "I'm gonna be starting my own private investigation firm soon. That interest you at all?"

Again, his eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh, _hell_ yeah!"

Laughing, Jane punched him in the arm. "Good. You'd have to get your license, but I could help you with that and show you the ropes. I've been told I'm a very good teacher."

"I'm in, Jane. But won't my criminal record be a problem?"

"Only if your employer runs a background check, and I think I'll probably skip that." Maura came back into the room with TJ in tow, and Jane smiled at her lover as their eyes met. "But we'll talk about it tomorrow, alright?" Jane said, bringing her attention back to Tommy. "Today I got some other stuff to think about."

"You look very handsome in that," said Maura as she came over to straighten the apron out on Tommy's body. "If I wasn't madly in love with your sister…"

"That's great, Maura," said Tommy, rolling his eyes. "How many times in your life are you gonna make that joke to me?"

"Hundreds, most likely," replied Maura bluntly. Then she surprised him by giving him a warm hug. "Thank you," she said, then kissed his cheek. "You're a good friend, Tommy."

"I'm a good brother-in-law," he corrected her, and Maura smiled.

As the time when people were scheduled to arrive drew ever closer, Jane began to pace nervously around Maura's house, biting her fingernails and nursing her beer. Unable to take it anymore, Maura stopped her, tugged her in to the hallway out of Tommy and TJ's view, and stepped into her arms to wrap her in a firm, reassuring embrace. "Jane, it's going to be okay," she said softly.

Sighing and returning the hug, Jane said, "I know. I do. I don't know why I'm freaking out. I thought you would be the one pacing around and getting hives, not me."

"You don't have hives, do you?"

"No, but I'm hyperventilating a little. How are you so calm?"

"Because of this." Maura raised herself up on her toes to give Jane a kiss. "Because I know that no matter what happens today, at the end of the day I'll still have you, just as I always have and always will."

Jane looked in to Maura's eyes and considered the woman in her arms, running through a multitude of scenarios and outcomes for the evening in her head. And she realized that every single one of those scenarios ended with her and Maura still together, still in love. It comforted Jane more than any reassurance or placation could have, and she felt tension drain out of her body. "You're right," she said. "God, you're so right."

"I often am." She kissed Jane again, longer and deeper this time, shivering at the sublime feeling of their lips sliding together, at once still so new and yet so familiar and right. "I love you, Jane," she whispered against those lips.

"I love you too, Maura."

Fifteen minutes later, Angela came through the back door and shrieked when she saw Jane sitting casually on the sofa watching a Red Sox game and drinking a beer. "Jane! What the hell are you doing here?" She launched herself at her daughter, hugging her tightly.

"I'm home, Ma," said Jane with a wobbly smile. "I'm home for good."

"Why?" asked Angela, her eyes filling with tears. "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing, Ma, but let's wait for Frankie and Nina before I explain, okay?"

Angela looked like she wanted to argue, but Maura walked over to run interference. "Hello, Angela," she said.

"Hi Maura. Welcome back," said Angela, turning to hug Maura furiously "Did you bring my daughter home to me?"

"I did," said Maura.

" _Why?_ " asked Angela again, begging for an answer.

But Maura shook her head. "Please, Angela, be patient. You'll know soon enough."

It wasn't long before Frankie and Nina appeared, and they both were also happy but puzzled to find Jane there. The whole family was standing around the living room, looking at Jane with quizzical smiles, except for Tommy, who was lurking in the kitchen but paying avid attention to the situation as it unfolded.

"What's going on, Janie?" asked Frankie. "Why did you come home?"

"We're all here now. Tell us!" Angela insisted.

Jane took a deep breath and looked over at Maura, who smiled encouragingly at her. "I came home because of Maura," she said. Thinking better of her wording, wanting to get her point across, she reached over and took Maura's hand, entwining their fingers tightly. "I came home _for_ Maura. So that we can build our lives together as a couple."

Frankie let out a triumphant whoop and threw his arms around both Maura and Jane, squeezing them in a three-way hug. "Finally!" he exclaimed. "It only took ten god damn years!" When he pulled away, Nina also hugged the two of them.

"Congrats, you guys. I'm really happy for you," she said.

"Thanks," said Jane, adorably bashful but obviously pleased.

Frankie pointed at Tommy and said, "You knew, didn't you, you little prick?"

"Maybe," said Tommy cryptically, barely looking up from his cooking duties.

Jane and Maura were both now focused on Angela, who had burst into tears at the news. Approaching her hesitantly, Jane asked, "Ma?"

Without warning, Angela threw her arms around Jane and sobbed into her shoulder, saying, "I prayed for this. Oh, god, how I prayed for this…" She held a hand out to Maura, who joined in on the hug, deeply moved by the gesture. After a long moment she released them, but she held onto each of their hands. "When Jane left I thought it was over. I thought all hope was lost. Why did it take you so long?" she sobbed.

"I was scared, Ma," said Jane with a self-effacing smile. "That's all I can say, really. I was a coward."

"And I was too dense to understand the true nature of my feelings for Jane," admitted Maura. "I needed Tommy to help me figure out what I was feeling."

" _Tommy_?" repeated Frankie incedulously.

Nodding at him, Maura said, "Yes. He pointed out what was so obvious to everyone else, but for some reason I couldn't see for myself. It was exactly what I needed."

"So we have Tommy's complete lack of tact to thank for this," said Nina, laughing. "That's awesome."

"Tommy!" wailed Angela, releasing Maura and Jane and rushing over to hug her youngest son. "Oh, I'm so proud of you baby. You're such a good boy."

"C'mon, Ma…" he grumbled, but everyone could tell he was enjoying her attention and praise.

Over the rest of the evening Jane filled them in on Claire's murder and how it had led to her being fired from the FBI. Everyone was appalled to hear about the story, and in the end they all agreed that being a private investigator was a solid choice of career for Jane. Angela was happy that Jane was still picking a job that would keep her relatively safe.

It was as wonderful a Sunday dinner as they'd ever had, but in Maura's opinion, the best part was that Jane kept her arm draped casually around the back of her chair almost the entire time and nobody commented on it or thought it was strange. It warmed her to think that this family, this wonderful, amazing family, had accepted her into the fold. And not only that, they also approved of her new position as Jane's girlfriend.

As she thought this, she realized all of a sudden that she no longer liked that word as much as she used to. It didn't seem to fit anymore now that they had informed Jane's family of the advancement in their relationship. It sounded too transient, when in fact Maura knew their relationship was anything but.

The next morning was another truly momentous occasion. For the first time since they'd started sleeping together, Jane woke up first.

She grinned devilishly as she realized Maura was still sleeping, and she took a few minutes to enjoy watching Maura sleep and decide how she wanted to wake her. She ultimately decided on a traditional approach and leaned down to press her lips against Maura's.

Maura awoke almost at once. Jane knew it because she smiled and buried her hands in Jane's sleep-tousled hair as she kissed her back. Soon, though, Jane trailed her kisses down Maura's neck, pausing to dip her tongue in the dips of her collarbone. Then she continued onward, not stopping until she was suckling on one of Maura's nipples and rolling the other between her fingertips.

"Oh, Jane," moaned Maura, shifting her legs, trying to find any part of Jane to press against to provide some kind of relief.

Hearing Maura say her name like that always drove Jane wild, and she moved away from Maura's full breasts to slide down her body, wanting only to give Maura exactly what she needed. Settling her upper body between Maura's legs, she reached out to part her with her fingers, taking a moment to enjoy the sight of her, her mouth watering at the scent of Maura's arousal. When she finally ran her tongue along Maura's wetness she heard her name from her lover's lips again, and her corresponding moan was muffled by Maura's clit between her lips. She wrapped her lips around the sensitive bud and circled it lovingly with her tongue slowly at first, but then faster at Maura's breathless request.

It wasn't long before the shudders began, and Jane sucked harder to draw a sharp gasp and then a cry from Maura as she came against Jane's mouth. Once her lover was spent, Jane kissed her way back up her body and gathered her in her arms, still feeling quite smug and proud of herself for waking up first.

"I can't imagine a better way to wake up," purred Maura, her limbs limp and her body pleasantly tingly.

"Now you know how I feel when you do it to me."

"I should sleep in more often."

"Yes you should," said Jane.

Maura must still have been tired, because Jane could tell she was beginning to drift off in her arms. "Jane?" she murmured drowsily.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore."

If she'd been more insecure, the comment might have alarmed Jane. But she was so confident in their love for one another that she understood that this was a reference to their conversation regarding Maura's penchant towards accurate nomenclature. "Okay," said Jane affectionately, brushing blonde locks away from Maura's beautiful face. "What do you want to be instead?"

"Hmm," said Maura, forcing her eyes open to meet Jane's loving gaze. "Let's try partner for a while."

Jane tried it out. "Partner. My partner, Dr. Maura Isles."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah, for now. But I reserve the right to change it in the future," teased Jane.

"To what?"

"Wife," replied Jane simply.

Smiling, Maura closed her eyes and burrowed closer to Jane. "That's the best one," she said. "I like it." There was a long silence, and Jane assumed Maura had fallen back asleep. But then she heard Maura say again: "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a surprise for you."

"What's that?"

Maura rolled over in bed and opened the top drawer in her bedside table. She pulled out a thick stack of paper and handed it to Jane. "Here."

"What…" But one glance at the page on top made Jane gasp with excitement, and she sat bolt upright in bed. It was clearly a complete copy of the manuscript of Maura's book. "You finished it?"

"Yes," said Maura, burrowing back into her pillow.

"When?"

"Over the last couple of days in Virginia. I put the finishing touches on it yesterday afternoon while you were talking to Tommy."

Thinking back on their time together in Quantico, it had definitely seemed apparent that Maura was making solid progress on the book during her writing hours. More than once she'd woken in the night to find Maura typing away on her laptop beside her in bed. Her pace of typing had seemed to exceed the speed Maura had achieved while they'd been in Paris. Jane supposed there was no substitute for being with Maura in person, and if her presence helped Maura write, then it made sense that she'd be able to complete the book while they were as close as they had been in Virginia, and as close as they were now, both physically and emotionally.

"I want to read it right now," said Jane eagerly. "Can I?"

"That's why I gave it to you."

"Where did I leave off?"

"I put a bookmark in it for you."

Leaning down, Jane kissed Maura and said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Go back to sleep so I can read."

"Okay," said Maura, her eyes already closed.

Before locating the bookmark, Jane flipped open the first couple of pages and found that Maura had included a dedication page. It read:

_For Jane, who is always by my side. You are my past, present, and future._

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it, folks. We've reached the end of another journey together.
> 
> I know why I was drawn to R&I as a fandom. It's because of the fact that Maura and Jane weren't actually a couple, despite the fact that they had this great chemistry and relationship. The creators were never going to go there, and everyone knew it, but we watch anyway because the teasing is too much to resist. I submit that this is the perfect storm for a fanfiction community. Great chemistry + no possibility of it ever happening + blatant queer-baiting = PERFECT FANFIC OPPORTUNITY.
> 
> This is largely because everyone loves a "first time" fic, and not having the relationship be canon means there are infinite possibilities for those.
> 
> That being said, I thought of two as I was watching the show, and now I've written both. So I think I'm basically done writing fanfic for a while. I've been trying, but I can't think of another plot that appeals to me. If anyone has any ideas for what you'd like me to write, let me know. Otherwise I believe this is probably goodbye for a while.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, and for all your kind comments and messages. Y'all are wonderful and darling and dear to my heart. I'll miss you more than you could possibly know.


End file.
